Reviews For MAJOR/minor
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Reviewer: Grandmaster B Signed [Report This]
Date: May 04 2018 8:59 PM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Really liked this chapter showing what catches Izzys eye and the interaction of the girls around her. Sabrina seems to be getting really agressive but guess shes at that age guess its good if its to protect Izzy. Im kind of iffy on Mei she seems like a good girl trying to impress Izzy and make it seem like she wants whats best for her even mentioning the diet but feels like Mei is reading Izzys thoughts. Hoping for a chance Izzy ends up with her own Harem seeing how so many girls want to be with her showing how much power a Minor can actually have over Majors.

Also thats too much teasing with the sketch. Cant wait for the remaining chapters.



Author's Response:

Remaining  chapters are up pal! Thanks for the comment. 

Reviewer: pixl8ed Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 23 2018 5:30 AM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Okay, I have to say that I really enjoyed chapter 15...uh...the 16th chapter that is now number 15 but was ....uh...numberz r hard... anyway, a lovely character based chapter. 

I mean, I really shouldn’t like it.  I hate seeing Izzy vulnerable and leaning on biggies for help, but Linda’s sexy mothering was really endearing.   Lisa is still super flaky and rather shallow, but fun company.

Up to this chapter we haven’t seen Izzy be so deeply self examining.  Her tears and her trauma were rather heart wrenching and really gave her some softer depths, though her exterior has been soften a bit too much lately so it didn’t provide as nice a contrast as it could have.  Still, great chemistry and some surprising wisdom and thoughtfulness from Linda.  Great scene.

An Izzy/Linda thing did sort of clarify my hopes for Izzy’s romantic future.  I think she needs someone like her dad was for her mom.  Someone mature and serious about a relationship.  I know her dad isn’t the perfect model, he’s no mental giant and his clone wouldn’t stimulate her mind like she clearly needs/deserves, but he’s steady and loving and supportive and giving and attentive..  That feels like what she really should be seeking.   And in that sense she’s in a desert.  Not one of the biggies she’s encountered measure’s up. 

(And I did actually read the re-edited chapter 16.)

Overall chapter 17 was really enjoyable.  I liked seeing Mei and Sabby develop some empathy and self examine to the point that it possible caused some real character development.  Izzy doing one of the heroes are supposed to do: bring out the best in those around them. 

But, I have an issue.  We are losing the Izzy that we invested in.  It’s only been a couple of weeks and Izzy is being carried and she’s getting fondled by waitresses with no consequence.  I realize that her allowing herself to be picked up represents the growing trust and affection between her and Sabrina, but at what cost.  She’s surrendering her quest for dignity and independence for what?  Convenience?  She suddenly decides she’d rather not make waves?  To paraphrase: well behaved tinies rarely make history. 

She’s become a typical minor.  Gone is her sass, her fire, her rebel with a cause thing. 

It happens way too often in our genre.  There is too much biggie-centrism and it creeps into our work and it taints our protagonists.  Character’s like Spooky Taco’s Eli become these limp, passive observers in there own story when we invested in them as rebels, goal seekers and wave makers.  Their goals fall by the way side replaced with the boring biggie worship we’ve all seen before.  Clearly Izzy isn’t that bad yet...but she’s turned onto that path. 

That waitress should have had her curse word vocabulary expanded by at least two.  Though, as I’ve indicated before, I’d much rather have Izzy learning to be a better insulter.  I’d rather she cut her down a few than sit there and take it.  

This is your story.  Izzy is your character.  But as part of your audience, I have to say that it’s Izzy that brings me back, chapter after chapter, and the fun and conflict that she brings to the story is fading fast.  I can’t root for her in her quest for dignity and independence if she’s given up on them in favor of a high school fling with a yet-to-be-determined someone.

I know she’s been through a terrible trauma, but there is so much in this world that makes Izzy weak, if only by comparison.  I really am here to see her strength.  You’ve delivered so much in character development and great dialogue and humor and sexiness and drama...this is a wonderful and important addition to zize-lit (I made that up, just for this review...that’s how important your work is) but Izzy really the glue that holds it together.  But she’s also the primary source of conflict and dramatic tension.  It’s a shame to see her neutered in the interest of moving the narrative along. 

I’m not giving up on her story.  I love this story.  You are giving us one of the best works here and you do so with craft and originality.  You deserve all the praise and gratitude in the world of zize-lit (please catch on, please catch on...) and you can certainly be proud of your work.  It is amazing.

Oh, and I think I know what dad’s surprise is...it’s the car!  He finished her car...or he got her one her size.  Dang...I guess I don’t know.  Something with a car.  Oh, well, I like your surprises!

Peace


pix



Author's Response:

Sorry I left this one alone for so long Pix. All I can say now is I hope you enjoy the ending. Very interested in reading your thoughts. You'll probably tear it apart but I appreciate that level of critique. It helps me get better! 

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 21 2018 11:57 PM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Is it wrong that I'm still rooting for Mei over Sabrina to win the game and have a real date with Izzy ? It is right ? Damn it. Anyway, another excellent chapter ! And that cliffhanger at the end... what will it be ? Or who !? Suspense is killing me !

Also, unrelated but... for the Third Interlude, I had in mind something for Lisa and Linda ? Can I get your greenlight for that ?



Author's Response:

I mean I think I hinted what Papa Ivory was doing pretty strongly. The only reason I didn't outright say it is for a surprise next chapter. But you can guess if you want. And yes. You are wrong for wanting Izzy x Mei. Your feelings are not valid! Mei was a complete dick this chapter. She's controlling, manipulative, and cold. Boo! 

I've already said you can write whatever you want. I don't mind fanfiction. I'd have to read it before I decide if it's canon, like if for some reason you decide to kill them or something. That'd be interesting to read, but an obvious no go. So if you need an official blessing than go for it.

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 21 2018 7:18 PM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Don't eat her!

 

Is it wrong I'm still rooting for Irish wrestling Goddess to win the day? Also Izzy is right, McShakey's is not a place a well intentioned minor should be eating more than once or twice a month.

Mei is an excellent antagonist.

 



Author's Response:

MAJOR SPOILER!! : Yes! Somehow Jessica who has a committed boyfriend and who isn't even participating in the game will somehow show up at the last second to win the day, claiming Izzy's undying love and affection while simultaneously crushing her best friends hopes in the process! No need to read the last few chapters. This is what's happening!

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