Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed [Report This]
Date: March 15 2018 10:02 AM Title: Chapter 13: POWER/struggles

Damn it ! A chapter getting out just when I have to go out for work and have to wait all day to make a comment !

 

First thing first, it was amazing to actually have teenage MAJORS being themselves in the wilds, so to speak. It really helps establish how they see the world and their place in it. I mean, they are assholes, mostly, but clearly they don't even realize that they are like that. It's makes them almost sufferable. The operative word being almost.

Also, I liked Randalf and Izzy's interaction, and Summer turned out to be so much more complex than I thought she would be last chapter. Iggy being furious was also great, especially since it came with Izzellah being all awed by him, since it's so unusual for him to be angry near her (I'm sure he is a lot more often at work !). Even Mei didn't came out as conniving, and more as opportunistic and perhaps a little too infatuated in Izzellah. 

Overall, an excellent chapter, which puts so much pressure on me to release some good quality content for New Lives ! Man, I like it !

Reviewer: pixl8ed Signed [Report This]
Date: March 14 2018 9:23 PM Title: Chapter 13: POWER/struggles

So...they’re all jerks? 

No.  No.  They stop being jerks after they get old enough? 

Now I’m just confused...

Actually, the opposite.  It’s very clear that you are writer who can juggle multiple layered and varied characters in a story.  I love how, even though they have a kind of consistency of behavior, your characters are different and interesting. 

I mean, if every character interaction leads to the same place, what’s the point?  That happens way too often in our genre.  “The biggie gets what they want” and it get’s called a story.  But you are telling a story with conflict and complications and variety. 

Interesting characters in interesting situations...it’s all about how good can you write that...and you are doing a great job showing us that you can write that extremely well.  You don’t have to like all the characters to want to see what happens.

It was really interesting seeing some semblance of consequences in this chapter.  Lots of stories fall apart when the people involve authority figures, but you’ve created a “some are more equal than others” world where “Win-Dumb” would get way too much slack.  And I loved that people noticed it and commented on it.  It may not lead to any lasting consequences (in this case) but the fact that that didn’t pass without comment is refreshing.

I think Izzy should have been more scared...and then more angry...at her encounter,  Yes, you’ve established her over confidence time and time again. I just feel now would have been a lesson for her.  She’s bulled her way through things time and time again and being treated that way, being that helpless, would have been awful for her, I think.  I don’t really want her humbled, but she’s come to school to learn... 

Yeah, I know...only been a week.

And...they got flattened by a halfsie...and a realtiy TV star.  Ha ha.  They probably wouldn’t want to show their faces at school for a while anyway. 

But I’m really here to watch Izzy grow as a character...it’s what brings me back.  And I have to say what would have made a dramatic impression on her ,in my mind, wound up underplayed.  I at least would have liked to have seen her articulate her objections as objections, instead of almost empathizing with “Dumb-One Win-Dumb” until it was almost too late.  If ever there was a time to cus and shout, that was it.

The format seemed to be a mix of the usually story form we’ve seen for this tale and the more episodic form you’ve tried.  It works really well in this chapter.  

While I might have a small issue with a short bit of the chapter, I found this chapter very fun, well crafted and complex.  Pix points to you!

Thanks for sharing this are further defining your fascinating world.

Peace

pix

 

PS - Remember, you can write a nice long response as a document then cut and paste it onto the page...then you don't have to worry about timing out.

Author's Response:

They're not all jerks. Just a dramatically appropriate amount as related to the life of the main character!......So yeah they're all jerks. 

You actually raise a very valid point that I think I'll follow up on. Izzellah should have been more scared. I was planning on having her evaluate and react to what happened more next chapter which will still happen, but yeah! She should be way more scared than I thnk I showed. It seemed fine in writing and even editing, but now that you point it out it does lack a little impact. I CAN"T NOT SEE IT!!! So thanks for that!

I think I revealed some key information that might come into play soon. I'm interested if you've snuffed anything out. 

I did enjoy giving the minors a victory. I had to establish sooo much just to get to this point. I had this idea when Lisa was first introduced! It wasn;t necessarily the plan all along butI think it worked out. Very fitting for her character I think and Randalf too. The bond is a two way street! MAJORS may have a natural advantage, but they can still get played. Sometimes the deer kills the wolf....Does that analogy make sense? Not really. I'm bad at being poetic or whatever that was. It was fun, and maybe Izzellah learned something. 

And hey! I earned some pix points. How many before I can cash them in for another chapter of Dark Necessities? Huh?! Huh?! I haven't forgotten! I. Haven't. Forgotten.