Date: August 21 2017 7:34 AM Title: Chapter 1
Great start! One thing that bothers me though. In your description you say BBQ, do you perhaps mean BBW as in Big Beautiful Woman? I've never heard of a woman described as "a BBQ woman."
Author's Response: Auto corect em I rite
Date: August 20 2017 10:02 PM Title: Chapter 1
Your story is straight and to the point. Sometimes it's nice to read a story that doesn't bother with long winded developement but rather just gets to the good parts like yours does.
I would suggest a grammar review and spell check. Other than that it's fine.
As to the teacher, not exactly my vision of a teacher whose butt crack I'd want to be in; but it be nice if Gary get's sucked up her butthole only to find a bunch of other students stuck up there. HE HE HE HE HE
Author's Response: Glad u enjoy it. This was a response to a challenge so I didn't pick the plot