Date: October 14 2017 2:36 AM Title: Chapter 17
First of all. Thanks for the shoutout!
Second: Wow. Totally unfair! But honestly I knew this story would end on a bittersweet note. Nancy List is dead and even worse she has to bear the full responsibility for her and Douglass' infidelity. That's what irks me most. Did she force Douglass into cheating? Did she make him divorce his wife? These were choices the man made in equal parts with her yet she's shouldering that burden and serving as a slave to Peyton the rest of her life. Peyton has to know that's unfair and that what's she's doing to Twerp isn't justice. I'd say it's even past revenge. I don't think Peyton will ever come to regret what she's done (especially not with Sabrina who has admitted she's just a petty and vindictive bitch influencing her partially) but I hope eventually she does or at least matures some. Regardless of her part in breaking a commited relationship Nancy List was a good person and a good mom. I would say moreso than Peyton's own mother who I've only known for a chapter and was ready to kill her husbands mistress on the spot at her most vulnerable. I would even wager there were problems in the marriage already or was Nancy just such a fine piece Dougy couldn't pass her up? The cancer probably didn't help though. But I hope one day Peyton realizes her fathers not innocent in all this and that Nancy wasn't some demon or a "Step monster"
Until then that girl better devote her life to taking care of Twerp! I mean yeah, she's gonna be horrible and make Twerp work way past what karma she's earned and them some, but she better never let that tiny get hurt, because that tiny is a much stronger and better human than she could ever be and for some reason she still loves her as a daughter! I hope Twerp finds peace and happiness as a pet and maybe even one day finds some of Nancy List again. Nancy List is a survivor. Twerp is the absolute proof of that. Good story. I hope to see these characters again and I wish Twerp as many happy days as she can make for herself, because no one else is gonna give em to her.
See ya! 0 STARS!!!!!!!
Edit: Sorry had to delete and repost my comment because I forgot somethings. Mainly
What happened to officer Daniels? He was barely mentioned. Is he still just chilling in Peyton's mouth? I feel kind of bad that I just forgot about him although I can see that being something intrinsic to his character in the long run. No one remembers Daniels.
That was it really. I could go into a whole analysis on Peyton's character and lingering questions about her motives and morality but I just hope she shows Twerp some compassion every now and then. Doesn't let Sabrina be a total bitch to her everyday of the week. And maybe give her that bed even if she hasn't earn that insane goal of ten thousand merits. Peyton will forget how many Twerps earned before that ever happens. And maybe scratch Twerp the way she likes that's so easy for Peyton to do and that she admits she enjoys.
That's really it this time. Byes.
Date: October 13 2017 2:59 PM Title: Chapter 17
For one thanks for the shout out bro! For two what an amazing story. Just incredible from start to finish, you have a very special talent my friend. Keep up the great work, I'm forever a fan and I can't wait for what you write next!
Date: October 09 2017 5:28 AM Title: Chapter 1
I've been critical of certain chapters in this story as I'm sure you're aware, but on the whole you've managed to prove me wrong and produce superb stuff.
I'm afraid with one chapter to go that you've left an impossible task this time. The whole lesbian thing came out of nowhere, but it's the use of Twerp as a sexual object which is what's wrong with the chapter.
At no point has it ever seemed like Peyton viewed doing this kind of thing as a possibility. She has talked to much about how Nancy is now her pet and that she will treàt her as she treats her other pets. I'm gonna take a guess and say that she doesn't fuck the animals.
Plus I think you sometimes forget just how small you have Twerp in this story. At 1inch tall, she would be no use in this scenario.
Ultimately, I just think that this kind of chapter is beneath you and your genuine talent for storytelling.
What could've been ,for me, one of the best stories on this site, looks like it's gone on too long.
As before tho, I'm hoping you will prove me wrong, I just can't see you pulling it off.
No offense meant with any of these criticisms btw. I happily admit I couldn't write a story of this standard.
Author's Response: I appreciate your constructive criticism. I think Peytonís motivations are different then what your viewing them to be. As she didnt use twerp for any form of gratification. Itís not something i intended to be a secret so i donít mind sharing. Itís discussed a bit in the next chapter but the intent was revenge. She never intended to use twerp to derive any kind of sexual pleasure. In her mind in order to move on she needed to hurt her. Peyton feels twerp took something in a her family from her so by forcing the sexual act on twerp she is forcing the pain her mother and her felt upon her. Itís supposed to be a unreasonable immature response to something. An adult would probably view and handle things differently however they have more expiernce. Which is something she doesnít have. Shes not 40 with a mortgage. However rereading I get where your coming from. Ithe scene is addressed in the next chapter. As for the relationship there were signs but they arenít obvious. Like Sabrinaís jealousy with Peyton dating Bradley. The moment they shared on the sofa after Peyton got back from dealing with pig to name a few. But I purposely made it not really obvious so it would be somewhat of a surprise to most readers. I do use twerps size liberally in this story. I purposefully never say specifically so I can work her into different situations. Hopefully I can prove you wrong but I appreciate your thoughts and opinions. It had made me look at the chapter differently. I would probably use more foreshadowing if I had to do it all over again or posted it with the last chapter. I will be curious what your final thoughts are after the next chapter. Thanks for keeping me thinking.
Date: October 08 2017 5:32 PM Title: Chapter 16
After sixteen chapters I still don't understand Peyton. I understand the sex play and having Twerp service Sabrina as whole part of the power trip and Sabrina being a love interest is a nice surpise even if it's sickening to me. But what does Peyton get from having officer Daniels sexually please Twerp? Why is that even on her mind? Why does she care about that at all? She even put his freedom on it! It's too next level for me. Every time I'm ready to say Peyton is this horrible monster (which she is) she does something that makes me question her perspective. Why does she even care what Twerp thinks anymore? Why does she care if Twerp still loves her? Why is she so obsessed with convincing Twerp that Nancy List doesn't exist when remembering her former life is a better form of torture? What is up with you girl?!...........sorry.
Side note: Sabrina is so bad for you Peyton. It's clear some of her influence has made you a worse person. Hope that you never take expired medication that's been released without sufficient drug trails and magically shrink in front of her. Sabrina will not take care of you.
Only one chapter left! Let's go Nancy! You got this!!!!!...unless she doesn't. Then I'll be sad. Waiting for the weekend either way.
Author's Response: She gets revenge in a form she needed to move on. She needed her to feel a semblance of the pain she and her mother felt. However she does it in a way befitting her age and showing her immaturity. Peyton cares forntwerp more than she wants to admit to herself. So a part of her wants twerp to love her. However sheb is also mad and hurt over what she did to her mother and father. So twerp is often post accident at the mercy of Peytonís mood. Where somedays when she was mad at twerp she had no way to show her other than yelling or being bitchy towards her. She now has the ability to make her pay so she does. However some days she did feel somewhat loving towards twerp as she did show interest and care about her. Tune in soon to see if Nancy survives.
Date: October 08 2017 5:25 AM Title: Chapter 15
Hearing stuff like Nancy losing her ability to read or do math is really what hurts most. More than officer Daniels being eviscerated by cookie crumbs. OREO cookie crumbs probably! But seriously her humanity is dying out. And being bred?! Only getting the family you wanted after literally becoming an animal. Bitter. Only silver lining (if you can even call it a silver lining. More like falling in poop and being happy you didn't swallow any) When Nancy's finally gone. Just a shallow memory in the back of Twerp's head. Twerp will be probably be happy. She'll have nothing to worry about except how to please Peyton, and maybe Peyton will actually love her for it. Her humanity is just a burden at this point.
Despite all the words above these one's I still have hope for Nancy List! She's a survivor if nothing less, Most tinies wouldn't even make it this far. I think even if Twerp wins out part of Nancy will always be around. One day years in the future Peyton will swear and then hear "Language young lady!" and it will be a nice surprise. (That probably won't happen) Still enjoying the story wherever it goes and looking forward to the end and whatever else you decide to do with these characters.
Date: October 07 2017 9:00 PM Title: Chapter 15
What an incredibly great chapter. I never realized the torture of being in Peyton's mouth. Being in there as she crushed a cookie and drank a coke.
Really descriptive and fun to read.
Twerps brain being reduced fascinates me. Never thought of that. Fantastic concept.
Finally Avery's idea of breeding to make more little people. Little people who would grow up only knowing what they were taught and that they were Gods.
Date: October 05 2017 6:57 PM Title: Chapter 14
Hmmmm. Peyton might have messed up here. I mean she'll probably get away with it anyway, but you don't mess with cops. There should be a intensive follow up investigation into his disappearance. Why am I imagining some situation where Twerp starts a new family with officer Daniels? No way that'll happen right?
Geez these girls are kinda evil. Strange for someone as religious as Peyton. Although I do understand Peyton's animosity towards Nancy what's Avery's issue? Real talk. Nancy's done nothing to her but she's just on board. Maybe it's loyalty to Peyton. I can understand that. And shrinking a cop?! You can make some half assed, prance about justification for Nancy and Pig (Pig's real name forgotten) oh they deserved it for crossing Peyton or being a jerk dad. Officer Daniels is actually just an innocent. I wonder how Peyton will justify that and further delude herself.... How many chapters are left in this thing? I really need to stop commenting on this story. Peace out!
Author's Response: Avery is more of a follower. She Takes her cues from Peyton. She also looks up to her. If I had it to do all over again I would better illustrate that point. So Avery treats her as she does because thatís how Peyton treats her. I believe it got edited out but I may put it back in. Originally Avery comes downstairs and sees Peyton gettin arrested and without hesitation jumps on the police officer. She does thatís without a second thought because of the bond they share. Peyton and Avery have a ride or die relationship with each other. Realistically there would be an investigation however that thread is just about wrapped up. Officer Daniels is innocent. His only crime is being nosey. Peyton definitely will full regret later but she also views it as a means to an end. She didnít want to go to jail. So she got out of it the only way she knew how. 17 chapters total. Not sure if I will do an epilogue. If I do that would be 18. However itís fully written out with ending. 17 total chapters.
Date: October 05 2017 6:43 PM Title: Chapter 14
Never stop writing about Peyton when you have the time, seriously her, Avery and Sab need to have an entire series built around their cruelty.
Author's Response: I plan on future tales involving them. Just wait till you see whatís to come.
Date: September 27 2017 3:47 PM Title: Chapter 13
..................She can't even eat food now. It's really all in her head at this point. Day one shrunken Nancy would've eaten that waffle like a champ. Twerp with her badass sock fur I really want to draw and her obedience training can't because Peyton doesn't want her to. At least that's what I think. I'm noticing the more Nancy believes she's a pet the more her body changes to accept that. I wonder how much of that is from the effects of the shrink itself?
I'm not giving up on Twerp but I wonder if she won't give up on herself? Nancy's still in there I hope she wins and that winning won't cost her, her life. Geez there's just too much to talk about with this story! Like is the relationship with Peyton worth having if Nancy loses herself in the process? Nancy wanted a daughter but Twerp only has a master so it would be very tragic that Nancy only gets the love of a daughter after she's too far gone to recognize it. And what does Peyton want???? What the fuck was that whole "Did you mean what you said?" thing? She can't have it both ways. If she just want another pet that looks similar to a human then fine, but she's actually killing the person known as Nancy. Which I have to believe is someone Peyton cares for. And maybe one day Nancy will be gone forever and all she'll have is little Twerp and she'll have to decide if that was worth it?
Y'know what? This was too long a comment. I'm just gonna shut up on this for awhile. 5 out of 5 or whatever the scoring system is..ten points to Slytherin?
Date: September 22 2017 9:42 PM Title: Chapter 8
Another awesome chapter. Twerp sit, Simba bed. The Giantess gives commands to be obeyed. Loved the. At scene and the Giantess commands.
The chip is useful and a fantastic idea.
Love the hamster cage. Great idea. I wonder what life in there is like.
I can hardly wait till they shrink Averys dad. What will be his torture and fate.