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Reviewer: pixl8ed Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 27 2017 5:58 AM Title: Chapter 3: Charlie

Hi Doctor, you are clearly an inspired storyteller.  Your plotting is layered and interesting.  You have developing situations that make me want to read more.  And I love that you put things into emotional context.  You should keep writing and keep writing, for you clearly have stories to share.

Now,I hope you don’t mind some constructive criticism.  Your prose tends to undermine the drama and excitement of your story.  You tend to understate things, or say them in a way that feels a bit flat.  Neal Stephenson used a similar writing style to achieve ironic brilliance in Snow Crash, but it doesn’t seem to fit the material here.  It feels like you should up the drama in your language, more Robert E Howard-esque is probably a good example. 

This is only my opinion, but I would look up some youtube videos on writing advice that talk about “show don’t tell” writing techniques. 

I could be completely off on my interpretation of what you are doing.  Maybe you are portraying Sammy’s anti social personality disorder, but she seems to have hidden depths that are not quite coming through and she seems like the sort of person who I would root for as they develop as a character.

I don’t usually care about giantess characters as I am an SW fan, but I think you’ve created an interesting world and a character with real potential.  Keep at it and good luck.

Peace

pix



Author's Response:

Thank you for your feedback and I'll take what you've said into account.

Reviewer: meereten01 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 20 2017 10:12 AM Title: Chapter 1: Pilot

Such a nice story to read. I finished it before I knew it!

Now I hope the hospital survives the visit



Author's Response:

Maybe it will, but then again Sammy is only really good at destruction.

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