Date: October 11 2017 5:53 PM Title: Chapter 5: A Pleasant Swim
A nice snapshot of Sammy's view of the world. Her morbid curiosity about the ship brings her negativity into focus. Great character moments with her keeper and with Zero.
Her inner pain explains a lot of her abrasive qualities and I can't help but feel for someone so alone. Interesting how she's experimenting with being pleasant to someone who isn't Zero. Perhaps her encounter with Charlie has opened her mind to possibilities.
Charlie and Zero both raise questions. What kind of technology are we looking at in this world? AI is a pretty advanced thing to bring to bear, but no one has found a way to give Charlie a version of Sammy's healing ability? Some sort of view of the technology we are dealing with might bring the world into a little more focus.
I still think that Sammy seems like the sort of person I wouldn't enjoy being around, but her character arc seems to be getting more and more interesting. Your character work has been very good in this story so far. Sammy is multifaceted and getting more complex and thus more compelling.
Thank you for continuing and congratulations on another chapter.
You're welcome. Thank you for the lengthy comment.
Sammy is a character who thanks to her size does live in isolation so she would be lonely.
The story does take place in the near future so AI have advanced to a certain point but the cure for cancer is just out of reach. it would come in time but not quick enough for poor Charlie.
Date: October 11 2017 10:35 AM Title: Chapter 1: Pilot
I absolutely love where this story is going. Contrary to another opinion on here, I don’t fine Sammy extremely unlikeable. I’m actually quite intrigued by her behavior and I can’t wait to see the interview with Leslie. Please keep up with it I’ll keep reading! :)
Thanks, I appreciate that.
Date: October 04 2017 6:55 PM Title: Chapter 4: Skirmish
Great chapter. Sammy seems less and less appealing the more we learn about her. That's a daring choice. She seems to have no particular prinicples or philosophy but a consuming sense of adventure.
The senator is a pretty sucky guy, but he's got her being a better hero. I'm impressed with the way you've capture such an interesting dynamic with Sammy as a powerhouse with no appologies.
Leslie seems interesting. The sort of Lois Lane vibe she give off is pretty cool. Something Sammy seems to be aware of.
Interesting characters interacting in interesting ways....good stuff.
Thank you for continuing.
Thanks for the review. Just gotta be sure that she's completely unlkieable.
Leslie might play a bigger role in the future but we'll have to wait and see.
Date: September 27 2017 5:58 AM Title: Chapter 3: Charlie
Hi Doctor, you are clearly an inspired storyteller. Your plotting is layered and interesting. You have developing situations that make me want to read more. And I love that you put things into emotional context. You should keep writing and keep writing, for you clearly have stories to share.
Now,I hope you don’t mind some constructive criticism. Your prose tends to undermine the drama and excitement of your story. You tend to understate things, or say them in a way that feels a bit flat. Neal Stephenson used a similar writing style to achieve ironic brilliance in Snow Crash, but it doesn’t seem to fit the material here. It feels like you should up the drama in your language, more Robert E Howard-esque is probably a good example.
This is only my opinion, but I would look up some youtube videos on writing advice that talk about “show don’t tell” writing techniques.
I could be completely off on my interpretation of what you are doing. Maybe you are portraying Sammy’s anti social personality disorder, but she seems to have hidden depths that are not quite coming through and she seems like the sort of person who I would root for as they develop as a character.
I don’t usually care about giantess characters as I am an SW fan, but I think you’ve created an interesting world and a character with real potential. Keep at it and good luck.
Thank you for your feedback and I'll take what you've said into account.