Date: May 16 2017 5:58 PM Title: Zombie of the Atlantic
Hay Man! Really a great story, just thought I'd let you know that I did enjoy reading it!
I'd love to see more from you, if you decide to do it again... although, I won't have anymore suggestions...
Good to hear from you again, you didn't need to delete your previous review yo. My feelings weren't hurt, just in case that's what you were worried about.
At any rate I'm glad you liked my story! I tried my best to get the essential details across with only moderate effort. If I had merchandise I'd send you a free t-shirt, haha...
It's all up in the air right now. I've had my fun, and I'll give writing a rest for an indeterminate length of time now.
"Papa bless" xD
Date: May 16 2017 7:26 AM Title: New Friend
Man, so sad to see this story finished. It's genuinely been one of my favourites to see updated when I come on here; not often you come across a good gentle giantess story, especially one with characters you really love- my heart melted for your charming couple, and for the unexpected ending of Hannah and Nick, too. Would love to perhaps see a sequel or spin-off one day, but I understand your burnout; that last chapter especially must've been a right biyatch to finish. Either way, great work, my friend, and keep it up!
Hey dude, I sound like a broken record but I'm glad you liked it! If I could have typed the story using only my mind, it could have been so much more. But things are lost in translation, and my wrist is sore from the desk and keyboard.
I currently don't have plans to continue the story, and if I'm being honest, I might delete it someday later in the future, for personal reasons that supercede my own views about the story. There's an issue with all of the character's names, I'll just leave it at that.
Thanks for your kind review sir! Have a good one
Date: May 15 2017 7:49 PM Title: Zombie of the Atlantic
A truly marvelous conclusion and I thank you sharing this auspicious debut story with us. It was a genuine privilege to read!
Aye, sir, thank ye.
I feel like the ending was a bit abrupt, but there wasn't much else I felt like sharing by that point. Asher lived a very fulfilling life with Keris, and I'd like to think they even take guardianship over Vega as well several years later to make a dysfunctional family.
Some things could have definitely used more detail and panache, but it is what it is. Several characters suffered very interesting fates, and it was fun to find creative ways to write them off.
Thanks for sticking through it, Carycomic, I hope the long last chapter made up for the wait!
Date: May 13 2017 12:56 AM Title: Good, Wholesome Fun
dude, this is really starting to pick up. I really wanna see them exploiting the protect asher clause or wishing for the ability to shrink people as the girls become addicted to eating fools, that would be fun.
I'm glad you like the way the story headed, sir. But you're about to hate me, because I'm about 67% done with the last chapter now (it's gonna be long!)
You're right, they could go around and wreak havoc on people. There's a lot of potential to work with here, and I hate to say it, but this story is about to be over. The last chapter will bring some closure to some loose ends and won't have much sexy material going on or anything.
But for your enjoyment, if this story were written differently, the most likely girl to go on a vore spree would be Hannah, followed up by Vega if her eyesight was still viable. Asher would be perfectly safe with them, as usual.
Date: May 09 2017 2:27 PM Title: Good, Wholesome Fun
Just read through the entire story in one sitting, and I loved it. Loved the different dynamics Asher formed with the giantess', loved his protected life, loved the mixture of responsibility and fun that his presence in Keris' life brings.
Would love more Vega, and I hope to see if Nick finds any happiness in his new life.
I'm glad you liked it man, and I'm just now working on the final chapter, though it's turning out to be longer than any other chapter so far. It also didn't help that I lost all of my progress on the last chapter like an idiot, so there's that delay... And you know, even though it's my own story, I kinda don't think it even compares to a lot of other stories on here.
Luckily for you, the 11th chapter will have a focus on Vega for the beginning part, and if I can remember to write it, I'll also detail how Nick ends up being treated. Right now his life's gonna be rough, but it may possibly change later depending on how much he respects Hannah. That's the jist of that, at least.
Thanks for the review, and I certainly now how you feel when you read a story in one sitting. I spent HOURS some days just getting lost in some great stories on here.
Date: April 30 2017 11:20 AM Title: He Said, She Shed
You've did great with this story. Had me up all night reading it but man, Kevin going to Pluto and Vega going blind, espically Vega going blind. She didnt deserve that at all. It seemed pretty harsh but that's just my opinion. Nonetheless, it's a good read. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Hey man, I'm glad you liked it! I'm not done with it just yet, but it's still a work in progress. I'll be sure to try and keep events interesting if I can. I really had fun with Kevin's death scene, and Vega's blindness was probably pretty cruel but I mean she did kill a guy. [Though he probably would have killed her if he felt like it]
For now I think I'll leave the genie necklace wish shenanagins alone for the next chapter. I appreciate you taking the time to review my story!
Date: April 29 2017 5:47 PM Title: He Said, She Shed
I actually really liked this chapter. It was cool that Hannah wanted to do the whole evil giantess thing, but only to pretend and that she never meant to hurt him. It was great to see her internal conflict, because she's a good person.
I could've drawn it out to be longer, but I ended up feeling that Asher wouldn't have been able to handle it. I'm glad you enjoyed it, because I love regretful giantess material. And she really is a good person, Asher was in good hands from the get-go. But if he'd have known that, he might not have reacted as pathetic in front of Hannah as I wanted him to.
Date: April 28 2017 9:23 PM Title: He Said, She Shed
I realize, from her pov, that the experiment was going to be completely harmless. But, Hannah was more fortunate than other girls her age with regard to not having to learn a certain truth the hard way. Namely; that one doesn't have to experimentally skydive WITHOUT a parachute, to knock such a thing as dangerously foolish beforehand. And a giant hostess maliciously teasing shrunken men, who have put all their blind faith in her gentleness, undeniably falls in the same category.
I'd always liked to compare it to talking to a friend while she had a gun pointed at your head, and isn't able to pull it away. She could utterly destroy you, but if she doesn't want to pull that trigger she doesn't have to. You two can carry on a nice friendly conversation, even grow very close to each other, but there would always be that sense of inequality when it comes to who holds all the power. She says she doesn't want to shoot you, and she might actually mean it. She just has to not let her guard down, twitch her finger the wrong way, etc.
I like your analogy, too!
I tried my best to make Asher believe he was in real danger, even when there only appeared to be.
Date: April 27 2017 12:45 PM Title: Didn't See That Coming
I believe in giving all relative newcomers as much morale-boosting praise as possible. Especially, if they've earned it! But, I can also be brutally honest when a story displeases me. To the point where other reviewers have bad-mouthed me up to the proverbial gills for it!
Fortunately for all concerned, though, that has been a VERY rare occurrence on this website. So keep up the great work and I'll keep up the high praise. :-)
You certainly have been very supportive! I appreciate it. You don't need to sugar coat things just because I'm not an experienced writer. Thank you though!
Date: April 26 2017 7:41 PM Title: New Friend
Are you sure this is your first story? Well, in any case, I do have some criticism. And I shall do my best to "throw everything I've got at your fragile heart and make you go running home, crying like a baby back bitch, bruise your ego, and suck on your sore-from-typing fingers." as you put it. *ahem*
I loved the flashback as a way to explain the rules of the amulet. But breaking the fourth wall to give an example of 'twisted desire' was an extremely heavy handed way of doing so. Perhaps leaving it at just the description and letting the readers connect the dots or even making the peddler gay with an infatuation for muscle bound men (doesn't make much sense for the location, I know, but stranger things are happening in this story).
Generally talking directly to the audience needs to be set up from the start for it to make sense later.
Try to avoid phrases like "she let this go on for several minutes". Instead, spend a few lines, or even a paragraph, going into detail about the event in question.
In this case; what are the characters thinking, feeling, and seeing? What does Vega taste? While flailing like a madman does Justin accidentally strike a tooth and cry out in pain? Does this cause Vega to giggle creating feminine vibrations all around him? Is Vega siting still or tossing him around her mouth? Can Justin smell and taste what she had for dinner? Is Vega trying to convince herself that she isn't deriving pleasure from all this but Asher and Keris can see that look on her face clearly showing she does?
And I know you touched on this briefly, but going more in depth about what Asher and Keris are thinking and drawing more parallels to what happened earilier wouldn't have hurt.
This last one is more of a personal nit-pick than a critique.
I don't know how you feel about the more "feet centered" aspects of this stuff, but as someone who enjoys them very much; seeing Vega drop Justin on the floor by her shoes only to pick him right back up again was very disappointing.
Now I'm not saying every story on here needs to incorporate all aspects of the giantess fetish, nor am I saying there should have been some hardcore footplay in that instance (even though I would have loved that). Write what you know. But a light kick that sends him flying across the room and her stomping across the room THEN picking him up would have made more sense as to why she randomly dropped him. And added to the sense of karmic vigilantly justice because of the kick she received earlier.
You could have even gone so far as Vega letting Justin land a few blows before kicking him or the kick dazing Justin so when his vision clears the first thing he sees is her open mouth below him. But I digress.
In any case; the fact that this is your first story is very impressive. And I can't wait to see more from you.
One tip that my writing teacher gave me to help when "you don't know where a story is going to go" is to write the ending first and work your way backwards. That way you have a visual representation of where the story is going.
Best of luck and sorry for the long read.
Yep! It's my first story, or at least my first attempt at a long one. If anything, I've never written anything longer than half of the first chapter. (Though I have had what I believe would be better ideas than the plot of this story.) And after reading your criticism, I did not actually end up running home like a baby back bitch, but it does feel kinda bad to face some of the areas I lacked in. I could probably be more detailed when I write these chapters, but I usually end up spending 2 hours typing and then I don't even really proofread it before submitting. I do go back to correct spelling errors and confusing sentences, sometimes.
I agree with everything you said in the flashback paragraph. I could've delievered that part a little better, but I was more focused on other things at that point. Even giving the amulet's traits silly little names was something I originally didn't even do. I did that to help reference things easier when I was writing, so I guess I was worried about readers not connecting the dots. If there's an art to breaking the fourth wall, I wasn't savvy with it. Sorry ;)
The Vega fight was sloppy, and I could've spent all day going into further detail. I love to read stories where the author goes into detail about what every character is feeling when something sexy or intimidating is going on. I might need to work on that. But the more and more I go into this story, the more I write and regret tiny things, the more I feel like ending it and not trying another story later. In any case, you would make for a better author or editor, sir. The attention to detail is what I'm missing, but I don't want to reach a point where I explain things in such detail it ends up being The Scarlet Letter.
The closest I came to writing about the foot stuff was at the beginning with Keris, and I don't really like feet too much but I thought it was pretty titilating. And I think I was trying to go for a "show how easily she could end this fight if she wanted to" kind of feeling when I wrote that. It was prime feet material, and I decided to just make her pick him back up whenever he moved, effectively ending the fight. I did forget to add karma by making her thump him in the same leg that he hit her. Crap. Anyways, your version on that scene would have been much, much better.
I do have a way to unshrink Asher in mind, but that's a secret. That's all I know about the end of the story, whenever that ends up being.
My lunch break's almost over, but real quick, whatever you take away from my reply,
- You'd be a great writer or editor with your mind for details.
- I don't mind a long read, it just means you cared enough to try and give me some pointers and direction.
- All of your advice is sound advice, and I may not end up incorporating them, but I truly did read what you've told me.
- Thank you for your review!
Have a good one, Phantom.
Date: April 26 2017 3:26 PM Title: Car Ride
I don't think the pacing is too quick, personally. Especially for your first story, it's good to keep a steady, forward drive so you don't end up stuck in the mud spinning your tires. A story should only be as long as it needs to be!
Anyway, I just wanted to give you some feedback on this since I really like it and you said it's your first! I like the characters, and the pacing. I really like that the shrinking is accidental and therefore mysterious for both parties, because that's more adventurous. Your tactic for getting him small was fun and kind of unique. And as a passionate gentle vore fan, I like where it seems to be going! (But that's less of a critique). Keep it up!
Well, thank you kind sir. No matter how much you guys tell me it's fine, I always feel I screwed up something, somewhere. I'm thankful you're enjoying the story! Next update will be either today or tomorrow, if things go according to plan.
Date: April 26 2017 1:24 PM Title: Didn't See That Coming
I have to admit. Your story is giving a whole new meaning to the phrase "Be careful what you wish for; you might get it!"
Brilliantly innovative and masterfully poignant, at the same time. :-)
Hot dang, you write about me as if I'm some five star author out of New York, but I appreciate your sentiment either way!
Date: April 26 2017 1:10 PM Title: Didn't See That Coming
Okay. Something bad DID happen to Vega! Rotten Genie! Damn, I know that I didn't see that coming... (What a horrible pun) and chapter title, too!)
Slumber Party! Yay! _ heh-heh-heh-heh-heee (evil feminine laughter overflowing inside her head)
....and, you all thought that Keris was so sweet? Ha ha! Poor Asher... it's party time now! Naw, jus kidding... see, I can be a wad too. ;`)
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Alright, goofball. If one of the chapters is nothing but pun after pun for 500 lines of dialouge, don't blame me. :P Maaaayyybe a comedian named Jay picks up the amulet and wishes for everyone in the world to only speak in puns.
But really, I might try and make the slumber party civilized at the least. One of the girls will have an interesting development, I think it'll be fun to write. Literally only came up with it while brushing my teeth last night.
Glad you're keeping up and liking the story!
Date: April 25 2017 6:33 AM Title: Final Thought
I liked the poetic justice of the necklace on Kevin, but I wasnt a fan of the vore/murder of Justin, but thats just me personally. Is this the final chapter of this story? I just want to clarify that, since it seems like it is, but in the end notes you mentioned another chapter update, so I'm confused ^^;
Kevin got his ass kicked astronomically, and Justin got his kicked gastrointestinally. To be quite honest, Justin's death was just a way to incorporate the vore fetish tag into the story, and if it weren't one of my fetishes, I might not have done that. I think more stories on here focus on feet than anything else. I apologize if the story doesn't suit you in some areas, but I won't be able to help that. I'm writing my own interests into the mix, whether they fall flat or not. I appreciate you taking the time to read the story, and even further, review it. Really.
And about the chapter title being named Final Thought, it was just a last minute decision as I wrote Kevin's death on Pluto. It's not the end of the story, but I'm feeling a bit worn out right now, so the next update may take a bit longer than the usual once-a-day I have been doing. So stay tuned.
Date: April 24 2017 10:04 PM Title: Final Thought
Great story so far. Maybe have part of next chapter describe Justin in Vega's stomach.
I was actually thinking that might be a good idea to hear his mind embrace the insanity of his position. So I probably will give some insight on that. Glad you're liking the story!
Date: April 24 2017 9:44 PM Title: Final Thought
I hate to sound draconian. But, your pity's misplaced. That's kind of like pitying the fleas on a mad dog when the latter gets shot!
I think you're referencing what happened to Kevin? It was so brutal compared to Justin's fate, maybe not as humiliating or sexy though.