Date: April 22 2017 3:33 PM Title: Twelve
Another interesting two chapters! I'm really liking how this is playing out. The more relaxed nature of it contrasts with a fair majority of stories on this site; including my own. That, I feel, differentiates it well, and it certainly makes me look forward to reading each new installation.
As for the mouth play scene, I must say now that I can see the point other reviewers have made about it being out of character, but I feel like it could be worked into the story; Keris perhaps was still getting used to just how intimate she could be with her new friend at his size, and got a tad overconfident. Perhaps this could be reworked into the story later; let Asher explore Keris's open mouth to break down some of those barriers and relieve him of some of his fears, creating slowly a closer relationship between the two. Just my two cents, though.
Keep up the good work; I look forward to seeing the ne t chapter!
(Intheliar and his troupe of knights dramatically fall down onto their knees, as they whip out their bronze trumpets, and release a mighty fanfare to signal the return of their illustrious Lord Aj)
Greetings, sire. I must say, I am deeply humbled by your most generous review of mine own tall tale, and--
Just kidding! That would've made for a lame reply.
Anywho... I'm glad you like the story so far! Every time I sit down, I just write whatever I feel like. So don't expect the story to stay a certain way for too long. It's probably gonna get very random here soon. But I'm having fun and I guess that counts for something.
Your "two cents" are worth considering, though. I may or may not actually try something like that, who knows. Even when I wrote it, I had the presence of mind for her to apologize to him, but not solid reason on why she pulled that stunt in the first place. I like the overconfident explanation though, that does make a bit of sense.
*sigh* I do kind of regret that entry. At the time it felt like a way to show off her power, but it was poorly executed. Now it's just turning into a spicy meme ;)
Again, thank you for the review, m'lord!
Date: April 22 2017 2:51 PM Title: New Friend
It's looking to be a fun story. I say more in future reviews I hope. There's a few things that I'd do differently but nothing that prevents me from enjoying your story.
Honestly, I feel like I could've tried some things differently, too. But I'm just going to own up to it, and keep going with whatever I submit. It may not be a professionally written story, but I'm not a professional wrtier to be honest.
I appreciate the review, and thank you for taking the time to read my story, sir!
Date: April 22 2017 7:11 AM Title: New Friend
Good story so far. Gentle interaction for the win! Your writing seems pretty solid and the characters are fun. The only things I wasn't crazy about were the mouth scene and the method of shrinking. Well, to be more accurate, I loved the mouth scene, as mouth play is my favorite, but it didn't seem very realistic that Keris would do something so dangerous and potentially traumatizing for Asher. As for the cause of shrinking, it seemed very vague but I assume we will learn more about it later. Overall, a nice start.
Pixis! Your stories are legendary, and I enjoyed the Rowena series in particular! And thank you very much for your feedback.
The mouthplay bit seems out of character, now that I've looked back on it a few times. But I'm going to roll with it, as I wish to learn from my mistakes, and secondly, but possibly not as important, I'm a fan out mouth play and vore as well.
The method of shrinking hinged heavily on the words Keris heard in her head, and I will attempt to touch on that eventually, yes.
I jumped into this story with almost no plan, I can only hope the plot-holes don't become pot holes.
Date: April 21 2017 9:25 PM Title: Twelve
Just breezed right through these four chapters... and, I'm having trouble thinking that this is your first story...
Although very sceptical, I really got into this after the 'Shrinking incident' occured, but even before that, in the very beginning your setup, and the characters discriptions - extremely well devised, leaving little bits along the way for future use, ...inside the school, the setup - was clearly written. I was drawn right into the scene. I think your a fantastic 'Story-Teller'.
Don't let anyone else change your idea's. Reviewers are great for suggestions, but don't allow them to direct what you want to accomplish within the tale itself...
Unless, if you want to side-track for a while, that's okay, no need to rush it. You can do anything that you want, but don't lose track of your original thoughts on the main story.
I think this is detailed realistically, and very easy to visualise - Great work!
I'll be following... Keep Going! ;`)
Thank you sir, you are too kind. Encouraging reviews mean everything to me.
But this really is my first attempt at typing up a story. Starting off, I think I underestimated how hard it actually was going to be. I can type for what seems like a long time only to find out it's just a short chapter. I've probably broken at least 4 good-writing rules, and maybe even some others I didn't know about. I've been out of high school for about 5 years now, and haven't had to practice writing/typing since.
So, literally. I came up with the characters and theme of the story while I was at work one day. Then I decided to try and type it out, "just because." Every chapter you see, I always just wing-it. I wish I would have drawn up an outline but I was too lazy to do so. And I barely even proofread. But thanks for thinking I'm a good story teller. I'll just chalk it up and give credit to to my imagination.
You noticed I pandered a little bit to a couple of my reviews; I probably shouldn't have, but I guess I'm a people-pleaser. If I do edit anything I'm planning on writing, I at least make sure I like what I submit.:)
And again, there is no main story at the moment. I don't even have an ending in place yet. Haha.
Thanks again for your praise, though. I... needed it. And I hope my story doesn't end up getting boring later. Have a good day!
Date: April 21 2017 12:55 PM Title: Heartbeat Lullaby
Make-up tutorials on youtube? I beleive the stereotype is posting on facebook and texting friends nowadays. Maybe playing casual mobile games.
Instead of having other people shrink, concider just having Asher be found by other girls. Maybe Keris's sister is a bit more cruel or horny then Keris is.
I put that in there because that's what I usually catch my fiancée doing a lot at home when she's off work and not at college. Hell if I know what girls do in their spare time. They could just disappear and respawn whenever they're next needed somewhere for all I know. I also decided to make Keris a console gamer because it's not entirely impossible, just improbable.
There's a few problems with the sister bit. First, I was hoping some of Asher's bullies could be shrunken to get punished in various ways. Second, Keris's sister, in my mind, would act about as nicely as Keris herself, maybe only slightly more mischievously though. To be honest, I don't think I'd be any good at writing any horny or vicious characters. Keep an eye on the story tags just in case.
Thanks for the feedback!
Date: April 21 2017 8:27 AM Title: Heartbeat Lullaby
So far the only thing I don't like about this story is that Keris stuck Asher in her mouth. That would be an incredibly stupid thing to do to someone who may or may not end up suffering PTSD from the experience, let alone someone who is already introverted. If something like that happened IRL, thet'd need years of therapy for sure. Keris was being an idiot in that sense, she barely new anything about Asher, and couldnt possibly have any idea how the situation would affect him. Granted, she tried to see it through his POV, but sticking him in her mouth i the last thing someone should do to someone already in a psychologically unstable state.
Well, you got me there. Now that you mention it, it was a pretty foolish thing to attempt. For someone who supposedly prides herself on not being a bully, that act came pretty close to making her one. I guess it was just dumb luck that Asher didn't end up with the PTSD scenario you described, because Keris would have certainly had a hard time coping with the following guilt and other repercussions. He did almost get swallowed, after all. The chances of walking away from that like a mentally unbreakable badass would likely be very low.
It's interesting to see other points of view that I normally wouldn't think of. Thank you for the review!
Date: April 21 2017 2:24 AM Title: Car Ride
This has some real potential, I like it! I'm certainly a fan of a gentle giantess, and mouth play to boot. I'm interested to see how you describe her mouth and the environment he's going into; not to say anything bad about your lovely Keris, but I can imagine that after a day of school her mouth isn't exactly fresh. Maybe that's just a pipe dream of mine thanks to my rather more niche interests, but nevertheless I'm waiting with baited breath for the next instalment. For a first time writer, you write very well, so keep up the good work! :)
I believe she discovered a new fetish for herself, when sitting in that car... ;)
I liked reading other stories, where Gentle was all about taking a huge power difference and trying to work past it, subtlety works wonders too. I guess it can be loosely compared to talking to a [normally female] friend who's got a gun pointed to your head, by some unfightable force. She could pull the trigger, end your existence, but she doesn't want to. I love it when a giantess acts civilized. I'll just have to be careful not to make the story too boring, because that feels like a possibility. The mental aspects are the points I'm trying to convey.
I'm a vanilla person when it comes to giantesses, I usually only like mouth/vore or ass. But gentle takes the cake.
Anyways, sorry for the short ramble. And thank you for your encouraging review good sir.
Date: April 20 2017 7:36 PM Title: Car Ride
Good start so far. I like keris, she seems to have the balance between impure thoughts and concern for the little guy that I really like.
I don't think you need to worry about moving the story too quickly because you include a few naughty scenes early on. I find a lot of stories tend to take too long to get to the action.
And besides, there is no ideal pace that a story should go at, you can go at whatever pace you want.
Keep writing. We need more simple shrunken guy stories.
Firstly, thank you for being the first review! I had no idea what to expect when I finished the first chapter, but watching the number of reads go up to over 300 made me feel like I was talking in front of a silent audience.
You're right about the slower action on other stories, but they probably did a better job than me at setting a plot I'm guessing. Haha.
I wanted to try and make this be more focused on the intimidation factor of being shrunken. For me, Gentle could be described a number of ways. While giantesses *could* just be sex machines and foot fetishes, I prefer when one acts more rationally. For lack of a better term, it tickles my fancy when the character KNOWS he's vurnerable, and the giantess spares him because it's the "good" thing to do. I'm just making the story up as I go; and I don't expect any jarring turn of events like shoving people into vaginas.
So thanks for the review again. And cool penname, it reminds me of some type of badass villain.