Date: January 23 2017 1:52 PM Title: An Introduction
You're off to a really great start. You're story line has so many potential avenues, such as all those little cages hanging from the ceiling no bigger than for a rat or hamster. Perhaps Liam didn't notice when he walked in, his gaze being cast down for the most part, that the cages were all full of tinies, some packed with several. (Just a thought).
If I could make one criticism, loose the word "would" when describing actions. It makes the entire story seem like he's fantasizing rather than it's happening now or in the past.
Can't wait till the next chapter. Great work!
Author's Response:
Thank you for your review kind sir! It is greatly appreciated and I love your idea. That's a wonderful image and just the sort of atmosphere and theme I'd like for Antistia and her lot to have.
Your criticism is noted and appreciated as well. The story is intended to be in the past tense and 'would' can be a handy word to use in certain instances but I have taken your advice into account as I write chapter two and I think you will find it is used significantly less. Hopefully this allows for the story to be more immersive for you and other readers.
Thank you again! Chapter two will be posted either later this afternoon or early tomorrow I hope.