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Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 03 2018 5:47 AM Title: Chapter 24

"What now?"

How about a sequel?

Sorry, I didn't catch this when it was still on the "Most Recent" page. But, let's face it. You were on a rather long hiatus! So, all I can say is...

This climax was long in coming. But, it was most fitting. Thanks for sharing! ;-)

Reviewer: Godleydemon Signed starstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: November 15 2017 3:45 AM Title: Chapter 1


Despite being trapped in some sort of suspended animation I resisted the urge to panic. Though, honestly, it may have been that the thing preventing me from breathing also prevented me from losing my mind. Given my inability to move, speak, breathe, hear, or even feel- panic seemed like a perfectly good option. Instead I did what all objects on shelves do: nothing, I certainly didn’t reflect on how I’d ended up here. That was a problem for Future Mike; a guy undaunted by living in a nightmare and able to perform incredible feats such as breathing air. Though oxygen, apparently, was not a necessary ingredient for my current state of existence.

I loved that paragraph and I loved this style of writing, unfortunately though, I didn't like the end. It just felt.. wrong. Nothing was accomplished, the old Heather seemed like it would appear through the cracks, then disappear again. I get the author wanted to let that bit of Heather shine through, but it gave a hope that just never went anywhere.

He tried his best to wrap things up in the final chapter, unfortunately, it left me thinking. The old Heather, from all that time ago, was lost forever and that our protagonist was going to suffer or learn to love it. I'd have loved to have seen a couple of more chapters, him working with the other character in the story that knows the secret. Devising a way to balance the scale so to speak, to break the spell that Heather had been trapped in, when she had only hoped to help her friend. The entire story is a tragedy when taken in with that context. 

Not only that, it's a tragedy without a proper ending. The author says something about an old cartoon, where Wiley finally caught the Roadrunner and held up a sign that said "now what". It's actually a rather famous scene in cartoon history. Because a child wouldn't know what came next, so neither did Wiley. That's not really what happens here though. The author tries to say the protagonist longed for Heather his entire life, but when he had her, he didn't know what to do next. That's not at all what happens in this story though truth be told. Heather is a maniacal super worldly being trapped by dark magic to consume, the more she consumes, the more darkness inside of her grows in strength. The truly tragic part, she didn't want this, she didn't want any of it. 

She even mentions at a certain point near the end, she didn't want this, but it's almost like she has two different personalities. Which in truth, she probably does. The one that hungers and the innocent child that doesn't want to hurt anyone.

Dear author, I know you've probably left this story be and gone on to other things, but I implore you to return to this very well written story. Give Heather the life she actually wants, not the one the Darkness inside of her, compels her to be.

Author's Response:

There is a sequal currently being posted to my Patreon and The end here was never intended to be the actual end.

Reviewer: Captain Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 26 2017 6:36 PM Title: Chapter 1

*SPOILERS* Very well written and paced nicely. It seems as though some plot points were dropped like Lillian. Those might be explained in future stories or lead to an expanded universe, so I guess it's fine.

The imagery is amazing and detailed greatly. But, it feels as though the ending was rushed. I know it was implied that Heather grew to become a goddess, but I would have enjoyed it even more if she grew bigger as I love the growing scenes. 

I know that her F-ing buildings and gradually getting bigger would probably be dumb or filler, but the end seems really sudden. 

However, this story is still one of the greatest on the site. I hope you write more often or complete Corporate Expansion in the future as you're an awesome exotic content author. Thanks

Author's Response:

Thank you! Very kind of you to say. This is part of a larger series/expanded world. I'll upload the other stories in this world at some point.

Reviewer: TheJackdaw_v2 Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 26 2017 1:28 PM Title: Chapter 1

From the very beginning, this story completely sucked me in.. The action is awesome of course, but the plot and story development are pretty awesome. I like the stories that are a decent length, and have an attention grabbing setting. I like stories with action too. I like stories where there is an aspect of character development. This story has all these things.. Good work!

Reviewer: Kellerkid11 Signed [Report This]
Date: June 21 2017 10:19 AM Title: Chapter 24

Could someone if the author explain the ending to me, I don't understand it. You could explain it here or email me at

Author's Response:

The very end is a short epilogue. Mike is relating the story of Wiley Coyote to his life. The coyote tried for year to catch roadrunner. Mike pined after Heather for years. When the coyote caught roadrunner he was a few inches tall. When Mike caught Heather he was also very small. If it helps here is the part:

Reviewer: Kyomi Signed [Report This]
Date: May 28 2017 6:58 PM Title: Chapter 1


Reviewer: madeofwin Signed [Report This]
Date: May 03 2017 2:10 PM Title: Chapter 1

Always a fun read, you really do a good deal of buiild up.  

Reviewer: White Wolf Signed [Report This]
Date: April 29 2017 9:23 PM Title: Chapter 1

Good stuff, superb writing.  Really excited to see Heather's humanity come through in ch 23.  Very eager to see how this one is going to fit the NWO tag too :D 

Keep 'em coming, please!

Reviewer: SafetyPin Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 28 2017 3:17 PM Title: Chapter 23

Great story.

I love it!

Can't wait for more...

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2017 12:37 PM Title: Chapter 23

A very revealing chapter. Emotionally, as well as anatomically!

Reviewer: Hank the Boggle Champion Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2017 11:48 AM Title: Chapter 23

Wow, what an unexpected turn of events. Really did not expect that. It will be interesting to see how this dynamic plays out. I wonder how much bigger is she going to get? What will be the relationship between her and Mike?

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 25 2017 1:36 PM Title: Chapter 22

Moral of the chapter: there is NO SUCH THING as a white guy (of ANY age) who looks/sounds cooler than a black guy just by walking/talking /dressing like one.

Reviewer: chrlorez Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 23 2017 4:13 PM Title: Chapter 21

I forgot to comment on this story. Really damn good, in my opinion, although there are decent-sized swathes of the story that are untold, which personally bothers me. In conclusion, I need more of this in my life right now.

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review! I'm not sure what you mean by "decent-sized-swathes of the story that are untold", you mean I'm leaving parts out? Jumping around too much? I'm not sure what you mean! 

Reviewer: Kellerkid11 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 22 2017 8:53 AM Title: Chapter 21

When's the next update? I can't wait to read more! 

Author's Response:

Happy to hear it! I'm starting on the final chapter tonight but its like going to be a huge chapter so it may be a week or so before I'm done.

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 21 2017 8:46 AM Title: Chapter 21

Well, at least he died happy, knowing he's finally free of her. :-(

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 17 2017 3:52 PM Title: Chapter 20

Such denial is what Thomas Gibson, on CRIMINAL MINDS, would call "symptomatic of narcissistic sociopathy."

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: April 17 2017 12:02 PM Title: Chapter 20

And, once again, Heather goes from Jacqueline to Hyde.

Author's Response:

Yeah, hopefully it is coming across that she doesn't want to take responsibility (aka accept she is the bad guy) and sort blows up whenever things move in that direction.

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 17 2017 11:59 AM Title: Chapter 19

Rats! I was SO hoping they'd help him escape.

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 06 2017 12:10 PM Title: Chapter 18

Santa Mierda!

Reviewer: adamnight Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: April 05 2017 4:28 PM Title: Chapter 17

great story, and good chapter length. I like longer chapters than the usual addings on here

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