Date: May 31 2017 10:37 PM Title: Such a Perfect Day...
You have a thing for cliffhangers don't you? Just wondering, how did a small 12 year old girl took out two canines?
The cliffhangers just sort of happen I guess. Like, I'm normally just writing a chapter and then suddenly feel that it'd be best if I end it at that point. I don't really plan them as to where it's going to leave off :P
Oh, and Phoebe taking out the dogs you can take as a metaphorical thing. Just remember that scene takes place within the character(s) psyche.
Date: May 17 2017 5:31 AM Title: A Day in the Life (Part 1)
Ok, I'm going to be 100% totally honest-- I have no talents in creative writing whatsoever. I mean, I once wrote a story about a monkey trying to steal cereal from a kangaroo. Yeh, that was uh... jesus, it was awful.
That being said, I don't think I could give proper cirticism for you to work with, but I WILL say I absolutely love the story you've created so far! From the dialogue, to enjoyable narration, to keeping my curiousity into finding out what's up with Rylee! Also, love the spacing of the story-- I know that might sound silly, but huge paragraphs with no breaks in texts can make it tedious to read.
I thought this story was of a different title, and I was genuinely bummed when I couldn't find it, but then I found it again and was delighted. So much so, I made an account just so I could write this silly review to let you know that this story is fantastic, and I can't wait for more!
Geez, man. Thanks! You probably don't realise but that really hits close to home, as I also made my account just to let an author know I was enjoying their story. I know the feeling of enjoying something on that level, so much that you want the author to personally hear your thoughts. Seriously, thank you so much for letting me know! It genuinely means alot ;)
Date: May 16 2017 5:50 PM Title: A Day in the Life (Part 1)
Hey Man, Glad to finally, see this back! Well, since you asked for it, I did see a few spelling errors - mainly, in chapter 7 though, this chapter (8) was much better. 'We're' instead of 'Where' - And, 'There', which should've been 'They're' and a few others as well, but nothing too distracting though...
Pertaining to the story though, I'm still transfixed by the mystery behind Rylee, and the way that you've created her querky personality, I'm really enjoying watching her playful antics as she teases her tiny pal. This is really getting good. I hope you can continue with this, as I'm really quite hooked on this tale and after the long wait, I realized how much!
Keep going, I love this story!
Thanks Jay! Your reviews are always great to read. Cheers for telling me about those grammatical errors - I quickly went back over chapter 7 and edited it a tiny bit. I really hope I can deliver with the rest of this story as I have mostly everything planned out at this point and I’m quite excited to share it. If only my writing speed and free time increased… But, hey! We don’t live in a perfect world ;)
Date: May 16 2017 3:05 PM Title: A Day in the Life (Part 1)
Can't believe the coincidence, but I'm listening to Sgt Pepper (Beatles, A Day in the Life) right now, just when you uploaded the chapter! I'm very drunk, so this is cool to me right now.
On a more sober note: I think you're getting the chapter pace as good as it can get with most of these story's chapters. Keep it going like this, mate!
Haha XD I've been putting quite a few Beatles references in this story; and here I was think they were mostly going unnoticed.
Anyway, cheers man & take it easy ;)
Date: March 13 2017 5:45 AM Title: Intro
Good story but the weight is off. If you were 1 inch tall, 0.4 pounds would be as if he or she was made of the densest metal. For example an 8 pound baby would be 0.000028 pounds or 0.000448oz.
I'd have to land the blame on myself not being accustomed to pounds as a unit of measurement. In the UK we use Stone, Grams and Killograms over Pounds. I knew something like this would happen as I put a note on the first chapter saying that I may get a few things wrong when it comes to translating phrases, slang or anything of the sort for an American audience. Anyway, thanks for telling me. I'll try to be more careful and read further into stuff like that for upcoming chapters.
Date: March 12 2017 9:17 PM Title: Morning Glory?
Misterious... It's like she's almost certainly 'hiding something' from him. The english teacher is probably watching out for Blake... does she already know about Rylee? She's definitely worried about Blake finding out about her... but, finding out what...
Great chapter! :`)
Thanks, Jay! Your question will be answered very shortly... ;-)
Date: March 12 2017 7:22 PM Title: Morning Glory?
Heh! "Weird" doesn't begin to describe that interchange.
Yep! I realise that this chapter is way too vague to make anything of at the moment.
But hopefully it's intriguing enough to want to find out ;)
Date: January 22 2017 8:57 PM Title: Intro
Finally the kind of story I've been looking for, for so long keep it up
Thank you :) Glad you like it. As for "Keep it up", the next chapter will be a while as I'm aiming for the 3000+ word mark and I'm quite busy atm. So stay tuned ;)
Date: January 14 2017 6:13 PM Title: The Clash
Oh? I had to re-read what you replied a couple times, ...'my name's not Blake?'
Then, after I washed my dishes and was drying them, 'OH YEAH!' - MARSYMAN!
...I was 'so' into reading that last chapter, I just called you, Blake, LOL!
I did think it was a bit odd at first XD It's fine though dw
Your reply genuinely put a smile on my face as, I too, have random eureka moments whilst doing completely mundane things ;) It's funny now but it's a bit awkward scrambling for a pen and paper whilst piloting a plane...
jk, thet dont let me fly planes anymore
Have a good one!
(I know I have a terrible sense of humour pls forgive meh :3)
Date: January 14 2017 1:52 PM Title: The Clash
Cute chapter. I like that the little guy rescued her, rather than the other way around. Rylee seems a bit clumsy, which is endearing but potentially dangerous for Blake I would imagine.
One of the earyly drafts had her saving him, but I thought the switch would be more telling of her character and their dependency. Thanks for reading! :)
Date: January 14 2017 10:02 AM Title: The Clash
Nice introduction. Rylee kinda 'exploded' onto the scene there, ...and thunder rolled...
I like the constant fear, lingering in the background. The stupid bullies and the 'Zombie-like' followers that are always around -too afraid to stand up for themselves's, but never going against them - seems like no matter where you go, it's always the same.
Oh well, anyway, ...Blake has finally made a friend. Rylee I hope, and she seems like someone who will be quite 'special' to our little protagonist.
...can't wait for the next chapter! ;`)
Ayyyy Midnight! Can I call you Midnight? Idk, abbreviating names is always easier for me. It feels weird, like it should be read out in a robotic voice, if I type 'Ayyyy midnightwriter85' you know what I mean? Just say if it's not ok.
Anyway, cheers for the ongoing thoughts! They really give me motivation to continue this and not procrastinate :P
Date: December 23 2016 5:38 AM Title: Memories
Blake and Pheobe seem perfect for each other (this is fiction and no real people are involved, no chance of harm, children with genetic defects, etc), plus, there is such a thing as consensual incest between adults, believe it or not, its just not really mentioned due to stigma ( who can really blame them for not talking about it? imagine being judged everywhere you go by people who don't understand and don't care to try).
As a hopeless romantic, I support all consensual relationships between legal aged adults. If people no the risks, and act responsibly, I don't believe the law should be involved.
(BTW, before anyone says anything, I have no siblings and am not attracted to anyone in my family, I just support consensual love, there IS a difference between supporting something and taking part in it... )
Date: December 22 2016 5:21 PM Title: Memories
Blake seems very mature for his age. Realizing so quickly, that he needed to pull in his horns, and not to succumb to his pridefulness. It takes most people a lifetime to be able to do that!
Can't wait to meet 'Rylee', I have a feeling that she'll be quite 'Unique'. If Blake's lucky, maybe she'll fill in for his sister and give the Lil' dude a break... ;`)
Thanks for the reviews. And, yeah. Blake just took a step back and saw that fighting with, sadly his only friend, was petty. Something most people wish they could do.
Also, Rylee will probably appear in either the 5th or 6th chapter. It's funny though. I originally intended for her to appear in the 3rd chapter and for the 2nd to be the only Phoebe focused one. I guess I liked Phoebe's character a lot more then I expected and I came up with quite a few ideas to give her and Blake a bit more depth once I started writing.
Anyway, thank you for reading and I'm glad you're enjoying it ;)