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Reviewer: Pdawg2431 Signed [Report This]
Date: December 17 2016 6:40 AM Title: Vivian's Punishment

I don't want to be too mean here but this is not good. I appreciate the effort you're making but there's more to a story than just jumping from one sock to another and throwing in random stuff like you are. Try building the story and the characters. It's got to aim to be more than just madturbatory fare.

Author's Response: Wow, what a completely original comment, calling out a first time story writer for bad storytelling. Get a life man I don't write to impress people. If one or two people love it that's fine by me, that's all I want

Reviewer: Gillygill Signed [Report This]
Date: December 17 2016 1:16 AM Title: Vivian's Punishment

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my Walkman on and said, "I might as well kick it."

First class, yo, this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
Hmm, this might be alright.

But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that
Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested yet
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said "Fresh" and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it."
– "Yo, home to Bel-Air."

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo home smell ya later."
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air



Author's Response: Thankyou

Reviewer: Js23 Signed [Report This]
Date: December 15 2016 12:20 PM Title: Vivian's Punishment

Wish you'd get him stuck between toes to 'stimulate his aunt's feet in a heel

Author's Response: Not done with the story yet. Thanks for feedback

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