Date: January 17 2017 8:44 AM Title: Chapter 1: Jenny's Life
I don't why I'm replying now all of a sudden, but I feel I have to, just to get it off my chest.
Tucker's fight with Ronan was so unbelievably farfetched, it drove me crazy. I know you were trying to make him look cool, but there's no way he should have won the way he did.
For starters, the instant Ronan had Tucker in a bearhug, he was/should have been done for. If the man was strong enough to lift him off his feet and hold him in place, no amount of headbutting would make him release his grip. Certainly not enough in the window of time Tucker had before he asphyxiated.
Ten headbutts might seem painful, especially if right to the nose, but believe me it doesn't work. I know, because I tried to escape a bearhug myself like that. And it hurt me almost as much as it hurt my aggressor. Why? Because his skull was just as tough as mine. If you crash them together like that, you are cracking bone on bone. BTW, He did not let go, not because of my headbutt anyway.
Secondly, every headbutt would be weaker than the previous one. Why? Because every moment, he's still in the guy's grip. By exerting himself, he's actually losing even more oxygen than he was just by being held. Also the effectiveness of his attack is reduced by the fact that he doesn't have the ground to support him. A headbutt is made all the more powerful by throwing one's body weight. Tucker, being held up in the air, is only using his neck muscles. If you watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D-KijfBtZE, you'll notice the victim is using the guy's arm as a lever so that gives him more power. Also, keep in mind, this guy is not nearly as strong as Ronan and was only stopped by bullet to the head. Okay... That's going a bit off the point, but what I'm saying is, Tucker would have blacked out by the time he got five headbutts in.
Furthermore, if Ronan had any sense, he could have simply adjusted his hold and wrapped both hands (or just one) around Tucker's neck or he could have lifted him over his head (Bane-style) slammed him into the ground. He might not be smart, but he is a warrior and should know the fundamentals of dealing with opponents of varying sizes. Also, Tucker can't possibly be the first one to try this shit.
And let's assume he got out. Tucker would not have the strength to stand up, let alone kick his opponent with enough force to disorient him. Ronan, in your words, was only angered by the damage done to his nose and should have simply punched Tucker right then and there instead of tackling him. But even tackling him would have rendered a man like Tucker unconsious or would have at least winded him beyond the point of recovery.
Somehow, not only is he still able to attack Ronan's leg, he also finds it in him to dodge every punch and keep on kicking. It's just ridiculous at this point. Even more so, when Ronan could have just backed up, or grabbed Tucker's leg. When you do the same attack more than once, even a moron is going to figure it out.
Also, if Tucker really had the strength to break Ronan's jaw (and the is not easy), he still would have most likely broken his own foot in the process. And the fact that Tucker is still able to keep moving after that. He's already exhausted his third wind at this point, and should not even be breathing.
Yes I know this is a fantasy story, but the way you wrote it gave me the WRONG impression. Overuse of the word "seem", "seemed" "seemingly" --I counted eleven before the fight ended--kept me thinking WTF? How is he even alive? That's such BS! I should be cheering for T but from everything I'd seen from him earlier, there was nothing to suggest let alone prove that he was capable of such a superhuman feat. And Doc, no lie, no ordinary human could have done this.
Tucker could have won with more reasonable methods, such as biting, elbowing, crotchkicking, throat punching, hell, after getting free, however crazy that was, he could have done the exact same thing to his opponent. Giving Ronan a chokehold would be doubly advantageous, because he can use his strength AND his weight to deal with him, just like Westley (Cary Elwes) did to Fezzik (Andre the Giant) in The Princess Bride. And yes, I know that he got slammed into rocks while he did that, but that did visibly hurt. Also, there were no rocks for Ronan to use as such, which means Tucker would only to had to worry about Ronan falling down. I know you want Tucker to be NOBLE and HONOUR, but this was a battle of survival and there is a difference between honour and stupidity
In conclusion, I say: be a little more creative with your fight scenes. This wasn't the only one I had problems with. The fight with Tucker and Tyrone was nonsense. If Ty wasn't trained to fight with his fists, he'd never be foolish enough to challenge a man who is clearly more muscular (or was he not?) and who would obviously have to have some knowledge. And the fight against the Jessica double was resolved without much difficulty as was the fight with Tucker and Jessica: I take issues with spells being broken by "Speeches of Love". Why couldn't he have at least used that as means to get close enough to destroy the locket?
Sorry, this went on too long. I just thought you should do this in the future.
No hate intended. Still a good story overall.
FYI, I posted this onto this story because I didn't think you'd be looking at reviews of stories that finished. I only re-read the story all the way last night.
Date: November 25 2016 1:39 AM Title: Chapter 1: Jenny's Life
I keep meaning to read the BFG stories but just haven't had a chance to sit down and go through them all. This one has definitely caught my attention though with its tiny protagonist. I love the idea of a 3" woman and a 150 foot giantess being friends.
You should read them, it is a good series and I'm not just saying that because I wrote it. When it comes to friendship, size is not a barrier.
Date: November 23 2016 12:05 PM Title: Chapter 1: Jenny's Life
I was about to suggest that you did a spin-off based on Jenny too. Time to read this.
I was thinking about writing one for a while now. Glad that I finally got around to writing it, thanks for reading.