Date: November 22 2016 6:59 PM Title: Chapter 1
I just read this chapter here, and your other story, too. Great work. The prose is crisp, and I like how you've handled one of the common size related fantasies - the ability to shrink other people.
By connecting the shrinking to the consumption of "anima" (a kind of soul vore) and thus to the pixie's magic and survival, you create an act that is both intimate and commonplace. If the shrinking occurs at will, with no other consequences, then whether it is used for play or punishment, it will never have the same weight as if it was something that must happen. The fact that the shrinking is not permanent further helps to weave it into the day to day lives of the people in this society.
As for this story in particular, I find the kind of moral dilemma Rikki faces is very compelling because it mirrors a conflict within the audience. Two possible endings - one where Rikki controls her impulses, protects the small and vulnerable Brooke, and the two bond with each other in the process of escaping the cave, and one where Rikki gives in to her dark impulses and devours the shrunken girl - are appealing for different reasons.
As a last thought: don't get discouraged if you don't get a lot of feedback on here. What you're writing is quite a bit different from the norm for the website. I think that's a good thing, but it could lead to your work being overlooked. If you'd like more feedback I think what you're writing would have an audience on Eka's Portal or Deviantart.
Author's Response:
Thanks! That's encouraging. I created an account on Eka's Portal and moved my other story to it. I'll move this one once it's complete, or perhaps sooner. I need to create a deviant art account too. My fantasies are a bit odd and I write for myself mostly, but I much appreciate the feedback.