Date: August 14 2020 11:22 PM Title: We all love ass
Please i want more
[Report This]Date: October 10 2016 9:21 PM Title: We all love ass
Great start. I hope that you continue this one.
I was disappointed that you did not finish the one about the sister's slave.
[Report This]Date: October 10 2016 11:26 AM Title: We all love ass
Dude, I'm loving this! I'm subscribing myself to the story.
Feedback: Love your writing style; it's both quick and detailed. Just one helpful note: after you've finished your chapter, read it once before you post it. I jsut started my own story, and everytime I read a chapter back, I can see the errors I made from hasty writing.
Other than that, no more points other than to please finish the story :)
Date: October 09 2016 11:22 AM Title: We all love ass
It's a nice start; but the grammartical errors make it a little tough to read. Perhaps you should have someone proofread it for you before you post. Otherwise it has the potential for a terrific story.
The part about Vanessa not having washed her ass in a while is great. Perfect story detail!
To bad the girls allowed Mike to escape their plans. Perhaps he'll have forgotten his phone earpiece and come back and the girls will capture then shrink and take him too? Keep the story focused on the main character, just have Mike stuffed away by one of the girls and pretty much forgotten.
Nice touch not giving the main character a name. People often do that when writing first person naratives which makes it strang to imagine the point of view from someone with a different name than your own.
Can't wait for the next chapter; but please do have it spell-checked or proofread.
[Report This]Date: October 09 2016 9:12 AM Title: We all love ass
Everyone should like Ass. :)
Please do me a favour, as a reward for being the first review.
If people start asking for Feet stuff, ignore them. Keep writing Ass. :D
Also, you might like my story, "Moving In." I think it has all the tags you like.