Date: March 10 2018 8:16 PM Title: A star is born
Ok, before I criticize anything I just want to say that it takes a lot to impress me with a story... as I've read hundreds of stories on this website and almost never leave a review because most stories are #boring
So that being said, let's get started.
First, this sentence really bothered me for some reason
"Well I am prepared to offer you a contract, there is a lot of legal jargon here but basically it requires you to do one video with us. After that we'll give you the option to resign if you liked the experience."
Why would she resign, if she liked the experience? Obviously it's a typo, but my point is that typos like that can really distract the readers mind, and pull them out of the story big time. Just some thought to reading over your story once or twice before posting :)
Second, Allie seemed more than eager to sign the contract after hearing the money offer, not to mention it seemed like she has had some experience in this field before. This confused me when she suddenly began to second guess herself in her car. Maybe it's just me, but the way it was written didn't really seem to add up (though it wasn't too big of a deal honestly)
I love the flow of the story, and I love the characters! The only complaint I really stand by firmly is that the characters would tend to make a statement or act a certain way, but then completely shift to a statement or action that contradicted their previous ones... which makes it impossible for me to understand what exactly the characters want in this story. Does Allie not anjoy being in the adult film industry? This chapter didn't clarify that for me at all whether she likes the industry or not... or whether it's simply for the money.
I wish I had the time to read more chapters... this story was very engaging and as a result I'm definitely giving you a 5 star rating (for this chapter) and I can't wait till I have time to read more! Thanks SO much for showing me a sliver of hope that good authors still exist on this site!
I love how Mark said this wasn't a casting couch situation... except it totally turned out to be exactly that LOL. Love it!
Author's Response: Thank you for the thorough review, and I appreciate the constructive criticism! I hope that with the coming chapters Allie’s mindset becomes a bit more well explained, and her actions more justified. Hope you enjoy!
Date: January 10 2018 4:59 AM Title: A star is born
This is a fantastic plot idea! Would you maybe also include unaware, like maybe some horrible cruel thing? What if someone was innocent and sentenced to death and this porn corp bought him too with other criminals for playing part in these videos. And no one would believe him of course, even not the girl being the "star" of a scat clip, and him be, well, the "costar".
Thank you, that's a fun idea, I'll be sure to use it in some way!
Date: July 12 2016 4:16 AM Title: A star is born
nice job! Will you be continuing the unaware element as the major genre? More unaware content in future chapters would be great.
thank you! Yes, unaware will be a major part of this story as it is one of my favorites genres!
Date: July 11 2016 10:51 PM Title: Fancy camerawork
Wow! Amazing story so far!
You know, the title is what caught my attention to read this story. When I read it, it felt fresh, becuase I don't think I read any giantess story that had to do with film, until now.
At first, I was wondering if you had a sweat fetish or something because I was wondering why you kept mentioning the sweat. Then I read the end of chapter 1 and it explained everything. Mindblown! I did not expect that. Bonus points for creativity.
How tall are these guys anyway? An inch? Smaller? I know they're tiny. I just want the specific height.
Mark gets bonus footage from the interview too. Now I'm imagining all the people he interviewed and got good content from. Even the people who didn't pass the interview have a video on their own!
Love the flash back in chapter 2. Chapter 1 was so good that I actually wondered how did those guys get there becuase it was a surprise when we saw them at first. Now we know what happened and how business is business even in the giantess film industry.
I bet they purposely turn up the heat so their interviewees will strip on their own. Nice use of the environment.
Does the government watch these videos for free? I think that offer was also on the table when the made this deal.
The beginning of chapter 1 felt very realistic. You have your average college girl trying to make a living and she wants to try something new. Also the questions about Allie's personal life were realistic too. It's great that we can relate to her in a way.
This story feels so real that's it's almost scary. Couldn't have described these characters any better.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Date: July 11 2016 4:39 PM Title: A star is born
Very engaging and nicley written.
Wow Duggernaut, thank you so much for the review! I'm so jazzed that you read my first chapter as you are my favorite author on this site, and your stories really inspired me to write. I am definitely looking to improve as a writer so feel free to add any constructive criticism!
Date: July 11 2016 2:32 PM Title: A star is born
Agree with all the great comments everyone else wrote. The twist truly was amazing! Keep it up!
Thanks for the review and the kind words! I was hoping the twist would add a spicy bit to the first chapter!
Date: July 11 2016 11:50 AM Title: A star is born
That was fantastic! Really liking the premise and the unaware element there. You're writing style is brilliant too.
Please continue this, and writing in general.
Thanks for the review and the kind words! I'm still very new to writing but I'm hoping to improve!