Reviewer: Barrowman Signed [Report This]
Date: October 08 2016 1:06 AM Title: Something has got to Give

I can see why you would be running into the wall with this. You probably wanted to do something special/new and very entertaining, but every sentence and word have to be in perfect order to pull it of so that all the characters behaviour patterns up to this point feel logical/believable.

The 3 characters are to amazed by the shrinking, that it would seem unlikely that they have that power, but at the same time some actions suggest that they have shrunk people before.

I can't imagine why Asha would lie about it in the last chapter. If she didn't had that power, it would undermine her credibility and Nick would never believe any word of her again.

I got a feeling that someone is toying with Asha to make her think she has the ability to shrink people. Or that she is trapped somehow and has to be freed by someone. That shrinking cloud is a little to convenient that she can't make him grow again. This is done on purpose by someone else.

Asha herself doesn't seem evil/shallow. It looks like she is wearing a mask. Her words are menacing, but her actions throughout the story are of someone with empathy. She acts different from how TJ and Carissa are acting. But they too seem very surprised by the idea of shrinking. But the feeling that at least one of them is pulling a scam here, doesn't go away. That sarcastic response by Carissa to Asha's reveal that she has a talent to shrink people, seems suspicious. Asha is not in the same room with Carissa or TJ anymore and now her powers doesn't work. It would be fun if one of them has been fooling Asha in believing she has that power. ;)

If they have shrunk people before other then each other, than people start to get missing or would talk about it. They probably did it only to each other.

Hope you can evade that wall and implement the idea/twist you wanted to do in a fun and believable way. I enjoyed Michael's Story and Anna's Awakening very much(alas both ended to soon when there was so much potential for even more interesting interactions). Let's see if Nick can be fun. You put a lot of build up into it.

Reviewer: Ancient Relic Signed [Report This]
Date: October 06 2016 6:40 AM Title: Something has got to Give

I think you've got something good here. Some things to talk about:

1) Hester and Scott's growing relationship

2) Hester still needs to figure out what Scott made. Will she shrink more people? Will she make a growth potion?

3) What will Asha do now that she knows that Hester's thing blocks her powers? Will she go to Hester and try to figure out what's going on?

4) Could we have some flashbacks showing Asha using her powers?