Date: June 29 2020 12:03 PM Title: Make-Out
This chapter, especially the part from "Thanks for the help cutie" to "just to be sure", is literally one of the most arousing things I've ever read.
And I completely agree with Slacker28's review of the final chapter.
Jacksmith, you are an amazing writer.
Author's Response:
Much appreciated; thanks for reading/reviewing.
[Report This]Date: July 27 2016 4:30 AM Title: Make-Out
Nice chapter! Question though. I thought a Beta was considered to be 3 inches compared to an Alpha, just as an Alpha was 3 'inches' compared to an Omega, relatively speaking.
Three inches seems like a lot to have in one's mouth. So Claire's comment of 'don't let him near your teeth' seems impossible. At a height of 3 inches, it seems some part of his body would be touching her teeth at all times, at least the inside of her teeth.
Unfortunately, I don't have a 3 inch scale figure to test this with. :)
Author's Response:
You're right, they're roughly 3 inches. I probably could've worded some of that dialogue a little differently. The main idea is to avoid letting him spill too far over her teeth; inevitably, he'll bump on her teeth a bit while inside. It's more of a stretch for the imagery than anything else, and also the fact that this is a pretty large Alpha (Ashley's over six foot) while Jack is on the smaller side for a Beta his age.
Date: July 26 2016 9:17 PM Title: Make-Out
Awesome! I loved the imagery of Sean being slurped up like spaghetti and Claire's tongue easily lapping up his escaping hands. The descriptions of Jack's experiences inside Ashley's mouth were nicely done as well. I could picture the changing light sources and the constant movement.
I'm trying to recall just how small Betas are. Shouldn't Claire have mentioned to keep him close to the front of the mouth so that Ashley doesn't choke on him or accidentally swallow him in the throes of passion?
By the way, I hope my previous reviews didn't sound too critical. There were things I was hoping to see more of but hey, it's not my story. You should focus on the stuff that inspires you.
Author's Response:
Betas are roughly three inches or less. You're right that this is a concern for him to go too far back, though both probably understand this is something Ashley will just have to be able to feel out for herself. He would most likely be tricky to swallow on accident.
Nah, you're good. I appreciate your commentary.
[Report This]Date: July 26 2016 7:05 AM Title: Make-Out
"If she keeps her cheeks close together..."
I'm probably reading too much into it. But, that sounded a lot like foreshadowing to me. ;-)
Author's Response:
Heh. Claire's probably not going to quiiite those kinds of embarrassing lengths today.