[Report This]Date: April 03 2016 4:26 AM Title: Chapter 5: The War Begins
Took me two weeks of reading almost every day to get to this chapter (Lutice's sexy (and slightly depressing) Sidestory included; There should be more sexy ones like that). I couldn't stop reading!
Where should I begin?
I loved Shrink High so this first drew me to this story (and a recommendation from /d/!)
Character development everywhere! All characters we meet have a life, emotions, dreams and fears! Instead of doing info-dumps you gradually and logically let us get closer to each one. When emotions sky rocket mine do too.
I almost shed manly tears with the anguish Isabella felt of having killed a loved one, her death and the reveal of her past. A Person that had to lose everything to become the good one she was, only to die thanks to it... THE SOCIETY NEEDS TO PAY!
Even though Sanders seems to be the hero in this story, thanks to the other characters being this fleshed out he seems more like one among many! And he really is a good man, forced through hardship and failure. But the friends, slow victories and closure he's made will give him the strength to at least save one of his past friends and deal a crushing blow to the society!
I'm torn about Aviel. From one side I want her dead for her betrayal and giving into her anger, from the other I understand her after her loss and thus becoming blind to what is really going on around her. I really want her to see the truth, to see how she reacts once everything comes crashing down. Her reaction to Sanders hurting Flonne shows that she at least cares about her. Flonne dying would doom Aviel entirely.
Flonne... Oh Flonne... Innocence turned into an almost unfeeling accelerated grown weapon. I really, reaaaaalllly hope Sanders is at least able to safe and make her see the full truth! Aviel can burn for all I care if Floone dies (plus Flonne would probably be even needed to let Aviel see reason). Then again the amount of pain and suffering almost all the characters went through... for some death really is the only quick way to end their otherwise life long suffering.
Even though Lutice is the visibly cruelest... Like most, at first I raged at her but after seeing the real one... I just want to put a gun to her head to end her suffering. Trapping a person inside their own head... The Society has become so... no is cruel! *The directors manipulating way of talking dances through my head* With Sanders being the only one that can get through to the real Lutice, thanks to her love for him, I can only hope he's able to strengthened her good side enough for her to put and end to the other one.
After Matilda's comment Catherine it seems like she could actually be persuaded once things turn around.
Angela is a psychopath and should be put down as quickly as possible.
I want to dislike Darius but I can't. He may be amoral and needs people who keep him in check but he really is a brilliant tactician! It will be interesting to see if he will really betray them. He can't save and keep his sister from harms way alone, meaning he would need to play the leader long enough for the society to really be no threat anymore.
Phyrra/Jessica... I think this is Sanders greatest Ally Darius's Sister meant. Loved the way she slowly got smarter every day. Even while we get to see her thoughts. And Jessica trying to give Samantha as much closure as she can before Phyrra takes completely over... : ( I actually want Phyrra to survive and Jessica to at least have a somewhat peaceful death.
I could keep on writing about why I like or dislike other characters, but will stop for now.
Twists, Reveals and Foreshadowing.
Only Authors who have a firm grasp of their story are able to do it in such a way that previous actions of characters make perfect sense once it's revealed why. So satisfying!
The Setting and describing the environment
Crushing trees with fingers, moving skyscrapers, the vibrations, being smaller than ones toe, enormous dead and rusted buildings, the reaction during and after the shrink disaster, crushed under ones schoolbag, ...
The way you describe the environment and what is happening allows me greatly to picture what the characters are seeing (including from their POV thanks to the characterization)
No negatives from me for now, though in the first and 2nd Act you kept eating words as well sometimes using the wrong tense for some words. But that's about it
To this chapter:
The Traitors at the top almost always cause the most damage. The people of Rome will never be the same after being betrayed twice.
Rome... the name alone tells me it will probably fall but... if not...
I'm sure I forgot lots more to praise about but that's all that I could think of for now.
Hope I was able to stroke your ego a bit! : )
Author's Response:
I have been meaning to do more one-shots, but just haven't had the time...
Glad you like it, it always helps keep me motivated to hear people love the story, doubly so when they make sure a long response. Happy to hear you like the characters. I'll say that some of your theories on them are close, but leave you to figure out which ones.
Hope you will stick around as the ride is only going to get wilder from here.