Date: June 10 2016 12:29 PM Title: Chapter 1
I think that this was a really good story, but the second chapter needs a lot of editing. The first chapter felt professionally written with a good pacing. The second chapter seemed rushed and kept changing perspectives while leaving out a few details. If you go back to writing like you did the first chapter then this story will quickly rise to the top given the great foundation that it is written on.