Date: January 04 2015 3:39 PM Title: Chapter 1
Wow – my first review for many months. I left, lurked for a bit, and now I’m back, kinda. I won’t bore you with the details, but essentially there’s been several really nice stories I’ve seen recently and I just had to start reviewing again. This chapter just screams: Parents who are stuck in the past and cling onto outdated clichés. Also, her mother comes across as very money hungry, which I guess was your intention.
A little short, but the chapter seems to get the central idea across just fine. The chapter could have done with a bit more description perhaps. That is to say, more emotion - I think you could have made the chapter more emotive than it is.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review! I agree, I could have been a bit more descriptive with the chapter, trying to draw things out more. But the time constraints I set up didn't quite allow that, so I instead focused on setting up family dynamics rather than emotion impact.
If/when I go back to edit the story, this chapter will probably be changed the most (Chapter 2 as well).