[Report This]Date: August 12 2014 11:08 PM Title: 'Unexpected'
This turned into kind of a complete 360, also did she grow 20ft from the first chapter...
Very curious theory here if I'm on the right path.
Author's Response: I changed her height for the whole story because the height difference between people wasn't realistic enough :)
[Report This]Date: August 12 2014 6:47 PM Title: 'Unexpected'
I can definitely like this style more. It worked really well with Kai and Tris, and there's no reason it won't work well here. It offers the opportunity to cleanly switch perspectives without confusion, and even allows you to replay moments from different perspectives, which is something I really liked with your previous story.
Now as for the content, I definitely love where this is going. Despite being a bit of a bully, you still manage to make her a sympathetic character. Glad you adjusted her size, as 40 feet works better, in my opinion.
Looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Thanks :) There's a lot more to come.
Date: August 12 2014 6:21 PM Title: 'Unexpected'
My only critism to this chapter : Far to many sentences start with "I". Most of it reads like a checklist of some sort. I aproach the door. I put my hand on the knob. I turn the knob. I push the door open. I release the knob. I walk trough the doorcase. I turn around. I close the door.....
Sorry if it sounds all negative but that really disturbed me at reading this chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks I'll try to start some of the sentences differently, I appreciate the help, not negative at all :)