Date: August 29 2014 7:21 AM Title: Payback
I was not expecting to read more than one chapter. However the story captivated me because I wanted to see what happened to Dawn. I actually like this story better than Escape, primarily because you show Dawn as more of a flawed individual. She's humiliated in front of the entire school and everyone can relate to embarassing experiences. She's vengeful but far from evil. Her boyfriend isn't some super rich handsome guy with two jets. The story isn't super complicated with government conspiracies and there aren't too many characters to keep track of. It's just a better story in my opinion.
Now I'm not sure where the plot would go from here, but honestly, I don't think it needs much of a plot so long as Dawn and the other characters continue to develop and have goals. Nice work.
Hey thanks for the review Spooky! I get what you mean with Dawn and how she is more realistic as a flawed individual which in turns makes her more relatable. Yeah, we all know what its like to be embarassed and definitely relatable. Dawn would never do something like breaking an arm or leg because someone was mean to her or anything, I like to believe she knows how far she should go.
As for plot, I have 3 stories planned for Dawn, they'll need time because I need to work on Escape Redux and my Intersizables story Downtrodden. You can check out Incorporated if you like, give it a little read. If you want to see more about Dawn, give the main BFG a read as she shows up in Chapters 18-27 and the last chapter of BFG: Limbo.
I get the problems I have with Escape, too many characters that weren't fleshed out right, plotholes bigger than the one in the ozone layer and I kept building up Jessica to be some perfect being and a goddess but we all knew she wasn't. Characters around Jessica were either running away in fear or falling over her and trying to impress her or something. No more, characters will have a more varied response, I'd like to say more but it would only spoil the plot. Just know that these problems are being worked on. So now you see that Jessica is more badass and unimpressed by Jack, who is now some sort of a rich prick who hates Jessica because he sees her as a monster despite Jessica saving his life.
I kept what I thought would work, trimmed out parts that were redundant and also filled out characters who needed it, it won't be so shallow from now on. Thanks for the input!
Date: August 27 2014 10:14 AM Title: Payback
Glad to see that she had her revenge. Hopefully now they'll know not to mess with a 200 foot giantess.
If they were smart they wouldn't need that lesson in the first place, 200 foot giantess ought to have been big enough of a deterrence.
Date: August 11 2014 3:50 PM Title: Home Comforts
I feel like a dick. I am keeping Nostory away from this in order to get a series ready fkr release, and I don't read what I am drawing him away from. I am a bit of a douche...
Oh don't sweat althought neither of our stories are out so we still have time. I thought you weren't interested in this anyway so its no big deal.
Date: August 11 2014 1:04 PM Title: Home Comforts
It is fun to see a Father and Daughter bond this way despite the size difference. Dawn is just a teenage girl as fragile as the rest of them when it comes to her feelings.
Just because doesn't mean her feelings are stronger and less resistant to pain. I always love scenes with parent and child bonding.
Date: July 31 2014 9:55 AM Title: Foul Play
Aww, poor Dawn, it embarassing enough to have farted but to turn the school into a quarantine zone because of it? I can only imagine how badly she must feel! But also I wonder hoe angry she'll be when she discovers what caused it all!
Well looking at how I left her in this chapter, she might not be in the mood to get back at the two boys. Farting in class is embarrassing enough but Dawn being a giantess and all would produce more gas than a normal person could. Lets see if Graham can save her.
Date: July 25 2014 9:30 AM Title: Nasty Plots
"Yes, let's give someone with a peanut allergy some peanuts. Deadly pranks are always the most fun!"
Kids can be mean. Every mistake Dawn makes will only be magnified at her size and this will make it worse for the poor girl. I hope she can handle it.