Date: May 26 2014 9:33 PM Title: Chapter 1 – An Angry Man
While I do like the plot, I had a hard time deciphering what anybody looked like, what they're rank was, and the chapter was very long, so at the end I was sorta forcing myself to read. I do however like if not love the interaction and conversation. You are able to mix physical interaction with vocal action very easily, better than what I could do early in my time on the site.
You show promise, welcome to the site! I do hope this story, which is already interesting, will be continued.
P.S, this seems a bit to good for a first time writer, is this you're first time writing? It does not seem so.
Thanks for the feedback. I started this story about 2 years ago. It is my first time writing, so your points are welcome. I have a little over 125,000 words written in 2 parts. I will break up the chapters to a bit smaller chunks.