Date: May 22 2014 7:31 AM Title: The Dream
brilliant cant wait for more so many times has a senerio like this found its way into my head and strangly enough one of the people that i found myself thinking about was called sophie
Date: May 22 2014 6:39 AM Title: The Dream
i wish this were possible. i too dream about scenarios like this.
Date: May 21 2014 3:24 PM Title: The Dream
If you have trouble understanding what the reader needs to see, simply re-read your work as if you didn't write it.
If something you wanted the reader to understand isn't there then add it, and if something is focused on too much then reduce the amount of words about it.
Date: May 21 2014 3:22 PM Title: The Dream
Not bad for a first story. You appear to have a working understanding of grammar and spelling which is more than I can say for other first timers. Now onto the critiques...
My recommendation for this story is simple. Make the story longer, and add paragraphs. Some detail would also be nice.
Rather than explicitly tell us his exact height in comparison to the world around him you should attempt to 'create a sense of scale'; or use descriptive writing to create a mental picture for the reader to get into. The best way to do this is to tell us how the character fits into this now gigantic world.
Here is some questions I would have asked myself while writing this...
- Who is the main character? What is his name? Does he have any hobbies? Why does he feel the way he does about sophie?
- Who is sophie? Why is she so special? Is she a nice girl, a mean girl? is she shy?
- How large was the floor? were there common everyday objects around sophie's desk? if so than how large were they?
- How large is sophie now that he has been shrunken? does the floor shake when she walks? How large are her eyes, feet, breasts, etc.?
- How does the main character feel about all this?
If there is one piece of advise I want you to take to heart it is this...
The key to writing is to simply write what you want the reader to see and understand.
Cheers mate, and good luck. I hope to see another chapter from you. :D