Date: March 31 2019 6:47 PM Title: Chapter 49
The dream/fever induced hallucinations for Jenna which was seemingly caused by her eating Boyfuckers' diseased men has impacted Jenna in an irrevocable way.
Not gonna lie, I was a bit disappointed when I learned that it was dragons instead of an earthly spacecraft however, my whiny bullshit outta the way. Dragons are an amazing addition to this incredible world you've created. I can't wait till the bigger/smarter dragons are showcased.
The part that I really enjoyed was when Laura put a hit out on 'the chosen one' using Dari as her assassin which I think was the first time Dari has done so in the story(sure she's killed numerous people and several giants but this seems to be our first time seeing her carryout a contract). Which would make sense why she was so rusty, that makes her more relatable and endearing in my opinion and I like her character even more. Like when she was at risk of being tortured she seems to relive both her previous torture sessions or a kind of traumatic induced episode. In my opinion Franka set her up hoping she'd get caught or killed. Then again nobody knew that the duke was at this stronghold or that the other guy was in league with him pretty much right after swearing allegiance to Laura. Still don't find Franka trustworthy however but then again who is?
And you've added a completely new element to this story with the addition of Linbirg Madahild Farnwart. I'm probably more intrigued by this development than maybe anything else at the moment, now that's saying something because this story is superb.
Date: March 18 2019 7:47 PM Title: Chapter 47
Read the last two chapters back to back. 46 had that interesting dream sequence as well as presents a mode of attacking the giant gals that hadnt been explored: sickness. Im surprised Janna is having what looks to be another character change with this newfound guilt. Im happy tho because in my opinion 2 violent "do whatever we want" giantesses made things less interesting than the earlier chapters with the good/evil giantess. But maybe you dont take things in that direction who knows? I still dont see an endgame to this story but at least youre mixing it up abit even if things may return to the status quo after this arc. As for this chapter. Well we know Laura cares about Janna and seems to want to keep an image as new queen so no random killings at least in her kingdom? Anyway a fun read thanks for continuing this story!
Date: December 30 2018 4:40 PM Title: Prologue
This does not allow me to respond to other reviews directly, but I just want to point out that some of the recent criticism you've received is flawed and you should not take seriously. People who do not know the name of the main characters in your story have obviously not read it, so their opinions are irrelevant.
Also, in regards to what one person said about Mad Cow Disease, there's two good reasons why you don't need to be concerned about that. 1) He bases this on the assumption that the people of this world are humans just like Laura and Janna. But while they are human-like, that doesn't mean they are human, so being eaten by them may not cause a cannibalism disease like Mad Cow for them. 2) Even if they are indeed human, they are so much tinier that the prions that would cause the Mad Cow-like disease would be similarly so tiny that might not have any effect on Laura and Janna at all, because Laura and Janna's protein strands would be proportionally much more massive than the protein-strands of these people they are eating.
In regards to the first point, Laura did eat the human girl from Earth in the earlier chapters, so she definitely was a cannibal. It would take time for the disease to manifest, but if you wanted to you could write that as being the key for her downfall. It wouldn't be a quick downfall, and she would go mad and be more destructive until her final fall, but that's a possible direction you could go. Janna did not eat a real human though, so she would be fine, assuming the people of this world don't count as humans. Only Laura is a certain cannibal without any room for doubt.
But Laura could still be safe from Mad Cow disease because of point 2. Valerie was shrunk to minuscule size so Valerie's proteins were so small that any prions she consumed would be too minuscule to cause any problem for her own much larger protein strands.
So basically you do have the options to take the story in any direction you like here. Either they are both completely safe from mad cow, or they are both going to fall victim to it, or only Laura might (because she was the only one who ate a real human). But this is your discretion because there are too many questions here with the shrinking and the question of whether these aliens are actually human or not.
Long story short, that criticism was flawed, so don't take it too hard.
Date: December 08 2018 1:22 AM Title: Chapter 45
I still enjoy this story very much and I'm glad you're still updating it. Of course you're gonna get some critism but I hope it doesn't dissuade you from writing or changing your ideas for subsequent chapters. Your chapters are always lengthy and your writing is absolutely beautiful. It's not hard to tell that you've also put a lot of thought into worldbuilding. I personally find the idea of a serious medieval-like world like this being tormented by two giant bratty girls a bit humorous and, if I may ask, where did you get your ideas and/or inspiration from?
Also, I think I'm going to donate to your Patreon. A writer of your caliber deserve more appreciation.
Thanks a lot. I didn't take this criticism very hard because these guys have clearly only read parts of a few chapters, or even less than that. What urks me is that they more or less predicted where the plot was going next, to some extend anyway. I had written it already, but now it may look like I only want to please them, which is not the case. The inspiration for this comes from doom metal, a bunch of computer games I used to play and a table top game that before did not have an English version, but got one somewhat recently. Thank you for your support.
Date: December 07 2018 1:38 PM Title: Prologue
The girls seem to have a LOT of plot armor, I remember a lance being able to piece Julia's shoe and skin. If that is the case Balistias and crossbows with some arsenic would do quite nicely, they have to have some venomous snakes, frogs and the like, something on this world is toxic to them to place on the tips of thier spears? Maybe some mercury.
it seems the story is stomp, kill, poop, stomp, kill, poop loop.
You don't have to have magic weeded out, maybe some hermit or crazy woman was or is a grand mage and maybe they can do something with these poop machines. How about a spell in which they relive all the killing they have done but it is them that are being tormented, they who are being cut in half, they who are being digested and left as waste. Wouldn't be long before they couldn't eat another human or harm/kill one with out a damn good reason, espeacilly if every kill is added to their torment.
If earth gets involved again, they should just MASS DRIVE the area where they are and be done with it, the damage is done and no point in taking them back home since PLOT ARMOR would likely make them miles tall and invunerable so that they can continue to stomp, kill, poop... Also no nukes since again Plot Armor...
thank you for your time.
Who is Julia? Did you honestly read the story so carelessly that you misread the name of one of the protagonists?
If you call being one hundred meters tall plot armour, then yeah, they got plot armour. As for poison, you have to be aware how those things actually work, which I have looked into for this story because I have been flaoting the idea for the longest time. The more body mass there is, the more poison you need. That's a lot of poison in this case and no chemists around to produce them.
I'm working on adversaries, don't you worry, but part of the moral of this story happens to be that you are not able to deal with big problems when too many players in the game are out to secure their own personal gain first. Thanks for reading, anyway.
Date: December 05 2018 4:36 PM Title: Prologue
Only read the last chapter and recent reviews. Seems all the gaintess does is kill, maim, murder and destory with a vague poltical objective that can be discarded (according to the reviews).
Considering the number of humans she eats she is well on her way to the human verision of Mad Cow Disease (the higher the animal the worse it is for it to eat their own kind, don't tell that to Vore enthusists...). Couldn't she eat like wheat or cows or horse. Better yet use her size and strength to help build a society that can provide her all of those things with out her oh crushing a village every couple minutes and eating a baby every hour or so.
I will see what the next chapter hold, but I am not optimist and as long as your chapters are well time is time...
Thanks for the critique, that's a good idea. Won't make their evil souls gentle, though, I fear.
Date: September 28 2018 8:46 AM Title: Chapter 44
Wow i almost forget what a chore it is to read through your story chapters, squashed123 ^^ but very rewarding. Another good chapter and i hope not another absence of yours is incoming, its torture to wait for stories like this to continue :)
Well not more to say that i didnt already say in past comments, no friend of repeating myself but as comment for this chapter, i do hope the prince makes it out of there alive to report about Jenna´s misstep, that she didnt even take the time to look under her shoe and took her assume of the prince fate as fact and there for killed everybody.... And Laura taking a nap in the wilderness leaving her allies alone besieged and sending the rescuced one alone to the besieged castle.. that will be a bad surprise for her.
I so much hope they both are finaly punished with some consequences. They are nothing but the purest evil.. they only think with their stomach or their pussy.. eating or smashing for fun even their given word is worthless.. some really pointy ballista bolt tipped with poison.. would serve them well i think or simply... pure pain in some way to begin with to show them they are not invincible and cannot get away with everything.
I am almost so far to say that it bores me that they really can do what ever they want.. be the bitches from hell who can turn against every ally because of an itch in their pussies and nobody can ever make them pay.
How about some ancient burried gozilla like tarasque monster returns to the surface.. sended by the twelve gods to bunish them.. i think it would be almost fun.. if Laura or Janna or both would suffer some permanent body damage.. like loosing an eye or limb or even only a really deep permanent scar..
Wow now i feel mean myself for wishing something bad to happen to fictional charackters... ^^
Date: September 08 2018 2:11 AM Title: Prologue
I see that you've been writing this story for years, and it has become extremely long, but I've only discovered it about a month or so ago. When I did, I read through the entire thing over a period of days. After reading Geeman's review, I thought I should offer some thoughts of my own. In regards to what he said about it getting repetitive and monotonous with the same crushing a city, then moving on to the next and crushing that, rinse and repeat. Yes, there is some validity to that criticism. But I don't want to focus exclusively on the negative and not also add what you have done well, and also what I feel could have been improved on.
One of the most powerful moments for me was when Laura swallowed Valerie much earlier on in the story. Like I said, I realize you've been writing this story over a period of years, so something like that which you've written so long ago might seem like a distant memory to you now. It's probably also true for a lot of readers who have been following this for years, but since I just read the whole story recently, even the earliest chapters are fresh in my memory.
What made Laura eating Valerie unique over the thousands of others she has mindlessly devoured and crushed on this alien world is that Valerie was unequivocally human, just like Laura and Janna. Whereas, with these primitive aliens it is not so certain if they are human. They look and seem human, but who really knows... its definitely a bad evil thing what Laura and Janna are doing by ruthlessly genociding them for their own needs and desires, but at least it could be said that they are not the same as Laura and Janna. If Laura and Janna are ever arrested by Human authorities and put on trial for their crimes on this world, it could be a mitigating factor in their favor that these were aliens rather than humans. Do they have souls? Do their lives matter, or matter as much as ours? I'm sure if news of this got back to Earth there would be much horror at what Laura and Janna have done, but they can build a defense on the argument that these weren't really true humans, and was no different than killing bugs. They could also argue that eating them was a necessary evil for their own survival and well being... which is not entirely true because they've also killed for fun and the hell of it, but maybe the authorities on Earth won't know about that details.
But Valerie was human. When Laura ate her, she crossed the line between killing primitive aliens whose lives arguably mattered no more than that of bugs, and killing an unequivocal human being. This one act made her a murderer. One could argue it was the worst crime that the duo have committed... perhaps even the ONLY crime they've committed if one has the mindset that these aliens don't actually matter. This would not go over well on Earth, and they would certainly throw the book at her for this.
It was made even better by the fact that Valerie was formerly a tall blonde, that towered over Laura. Valerie was not only Laura's peer and equal, but was actually taller. This made the situation even more compelling, in my opinion.
As powerful and unique as that moment was, it was a bit disappointing (in my opinion) that it was never referenced again. Laura herself seemed to understand how epic it was at the time, but she never thinks about it or mentions it ever again. In that chapter she thinks about digesting her and pushing her out into the latrine. Then Janna comes in and semi-confronts her about it, but nothing more is ever mentioned about it ever again. That is kinda disappointing, if I'm honest.
I feel that the very first time Laura crapped after that, you should have included some mention of her thinking about Valerie and how she was now reduced to nothing more than crap. This tall blonde girl who was her peer and equal, now nothing more than a piece of waste pushing out of her ass. That's a thought that she probably could have gotten off on in itself.
And speaking of crap, in chapter 15 Janna follows Laura's path of destruction towards Thorwal, and relieves herself in a rivulet, and basically dams it with her crap. That was pretty funny. It would have been even better if you'd elaborated on how some village depended on that rivulet as a source of water, and was completely devastated as a result of the water being fouled and/or blocked off, just because a giant girl happened to decide to pinch one off at that specific spot, instead of maybe minorly inconveniencing herself by moving doing it just slightly to the right or the left of it. I like how very trivial acts like that to Laura and Janna could have such devastating consequences to the native inhabitants this world. It's something Laura and Janna don't even think about at all. But I feel that is something that you could elaborate on further, from the tinies' perspective.
Also, just as how Janna is following Laura's path of destruction in that chapter, so too is she being followed by Furio and friends. I think it would have been a nice touch if that "calling card" she left in the rivulet had served as some sort of aid in following her, because surely the smell would have carried for many miles and been an unmistakable clue towards locating her.
And that's another thing... later they crap in the ocean or they bury it or whatever, BUT their crap would be good fertilizer for growing crops. Maybe they haven't stayed in any place long enough for it to really matter, but I think if they were to decide to settle down, and somehow try to live off the land in a sustainable way, then their crap would be very helpful in the fields to help boost the yield of crops. Maybe Thorwal wasn't the best place because it is so far north and the growing season is too short for their needs. But either way, their crap is actually of value as fertilizer. They produce more of it than probably all the livestock in the land. It's also something I think in the long term would have bad consequences for the quality of the soil's nutrients that they eat such massive quantities of the grains and such so all those soil nutrients go into the food that they eat, and then they poop it out into the ocean or else bury it, and then those nutrients are removed from the cycle and lost. And you know the amount of food they eat is not a small amount, so this is actually a big factor to consider.
The other thing is that humans (if these aliens count as humans) make up a massive part of their diet, so a huge percentage of their fecal matter is actually human remains. The thing I don't know is whether the bones would be so small (to them) that they would get completely digested, like say anchovy bones, or if it would pass through their digestive tract and be embedded in their shit. I'm not sure what way it would be... also, clothing, especially the odd piece of armor would probably not digest and get passed through as well. Even if the bones get digested, the armor definitely wouldn't. This would be a grisly and horrific thing for their hypothetical manure handlers to have to deal with.
You also have to think there would be some religious or spiritual significance to the shits they take, because their shit is human remains. Each shit is like an entire village or two unto itself. It's a weird thing to consider, I know, but their shits are basically like mass graves. And while it stinks horribly, at the same time this is also the final resting place for the tiny victims that get devored. You could almost imagine people making pilgrimages to a certain shit they took, because they know it contains the remains of their loved ones from a certain village, which they would know because it was pushed out a day after such and such village was eaten, and their family vanished from that village, so they know that shit is what remains of them, so they come to pay their respects to their dead... or something like that.
Does the shit remain and revered as memorials to the dead, or does it get spread in the fields as fertilizer to replenish the nutrients that the crops need? That's the sort of dilemma that Laura and Janna have inadvertently caused just by their natural bodily functions. It is true, as they say, that "everybody poops", but when you're 100 meters tall on a world of primitive aliens, this act of pooping has some very profound consequences that need to be addressed, I think. You can't really ignore it.
No place has suffered as much from their actions as much as Thorwal, because they spent so much time loitering about there (especially Laura). Other than the brief but epic moment when Laura devored Valerie, my favorite part of the story was her time spent in Thorwal. There is destruction and devastation everywhere they go, but here it was a scale that was unparalleled. They thoroughly ravished and ruined the land, to the point where it would take a long time for it to recover, as you said. Laura even killed their "God". Actually, now that I think about it, that moment may even surpass the devouring of Valerie in terms of epicness. Valerie was bona fide human and Laura's equal, but Swafnir is a supposed "God". I don't know if that is literally true or not, but if it is, and Laura did indeed kill a "God", then that would be the ultimate feat of domination. So yeah, maybe that was indeed the most epic moment of the story thus far.
But Swafnir aside, Laura's time in Thorwal still counts as my favorite, for a number of reasons. For one thing, for much of the time she was by herself and did not have to compete with Janna for food or for power. She was the undisputed ruler, or goddess here, and did not have to share with or compete with Janna. I feel that both of them together can needlessly complicate things. Maybe it is best that they set up their own fiefdoms separate from one another. It would certainly help ease the burden of the tiny population to have to serve and feed only one of them, rather than both. Anyway, that's just my own thoughts... it's your story, so you do it your way.
And for another thing, I liked how you started moving into the direction of Laura turning Thorwal into a "Greater Lauraville", or something to that effect. It's funny how there is this proud civilization of warriors who are feared and respected throughout the world, but then this silly girl suddenly shows up and takes over the place and even has the hubris to name their country after her own self. So it was kinda disappointing for me that this idea didn't take root, and then Janna showed up and things kinda fell apart and they just moved on and left the place in a ruined mess.
Don't get me wrong - them leaving this once proud and flourishing nation in a ruined mess is also epic in its own right. It's just that Laura's silly and supremely arrogant idea of converting this proud warrior civilization into a "Greater Lauraville" turned out to be a bust. Janna and Furio arrived and sort of robbed her of this... her "divine right" perhaps.
It's why I offered my suggestion in my previous comment on how Thorsten could rebuild Thorwall in an expedited way so that it wouldn't have to take multiple lifetimes. And the sooner he manages to rebuild it and make Thorwal great again, the sooner Laura can return and take her rightful place as ruler/goddess over it, and resume her converting it into "Lauraville" again... well, that would be my own hope anyway.
And if you really think about it, Laura's dominance over the Thorwalsh was sorta like how it was with Valerie. Even if they aren't technically human like Valerie, its kinda similar in the sense that these are a very tall and powerful and fiercesome people. Whereas, Laura is very petite. If Laura were normal sized, then they would tower over her just like Valerie. It makes it kinda cool that she has become so powerful over them when she is so petite, so by rights she really shouldn't be, but she is... its cool.
With Janna its not quite the same thing. You've described Janna as being a very strong and powerful and robust girl. Janna would probably fit right in among the Thorwalsh if she were normal size. I don't know what it is about a petite girl becoming larger and getting the upper hand, but I like that more for some reason. Janna is okay though, don't get me wrong, but its not exactly the same thing... I dunno why.
I also thought things were starting to get really good with how after Laura had slew Swafnir, she was starting to take his place as their Goddess. Some people were starting to believe this... that's something that was tragically (in my opinion) interrupted when Janna and Furio showed up. I don't know what the real deal was with Swafnir, but it was clearly something supernatural going on there... whether he was actually a real god or not, I don't know. But Laura killed him, and that's something you just don't see every day. I wished you had stuck on with this path, but it is what it is.
Thorwalsh believed that dying in battle meant they would take their place alongside their ancestors in Swafnir's hall, right? The problem is that Laura slew Swafnir, so their entire religious beliefs have been broken. How could they have an afterlife in the halls of a god, if that god has been killed? A new belief system is clearly needed. If Laura slew their God, and if she became their Goddess, then wouldn't it stand to reason for there to be a belief in an afterlife involving her?
Laura crushed and devoured the Thorwalsh by the thousands. I'm not sure what their total population was to start with, but there is no doubt a huge percentage met their demise either under her soles, or passing through her digestive tract. Maybe that was the fate of the majority of the Thorwalsh, and now only a minority remains of what there was originally. Those few that still survive have to figure out how to reconcile with what has happened, and in a belief system where they can be reunited with their ancestors.
Since Swafnir is dead, and since the majority of their people have been devored as food by their new Goddess, I think the answer is simple... their afterlife must lie within her digestive tract. It would make sense if they started to believe that instead of dying in battle to find their way in Swafnir's halls, that their goal should instead be to die inside of Laura's guts. Because that was the fate of their loved ones, and where they will be reunited with them... in some sort of afterlife.
This is some sort of world full of supernatural wonders, so it could even be actually true.
But even if its not true, I think it is a belief that Laura would want to foster in the Thorwalsh, because it would make them into willing food that would not only not resist being devoured by her, but would actually hope for that to happen, so that they would be rewarded with eternal life in the halls of her intestines, where they would be reunited with their ancestors...
So rather than being fearful of being devored by Laura, maybe they would instead only fear being crushed under her soles. Dying this way denies them from the eternal afterlife in her guts. So if Laura wanted to punish transgressors, she could execute them this way, and only her favored get the reward of eternal life inside of her... or something like that. It's a thought!
And like I said, this is a world where the supernatural is real, so something like that could even actually be true...
But one thing I'm wondering here is how does Laura and Janna age compared to the natives? They are a lot larger, so do they age that much slower than them as well? Faster? Are they even immortal?
If Janna and Laura are here for the long haul or permanently, then that is something you'd have to consider. It makes a huge difference whether they will be dead in say 50 years, or if they are somehow immortal, and here for keeps.
Another thing to maybe think about is whether Earth is going to come looking for them or not. It's your story and I'm not going to tell you what to do, but the deus ex machina arrival of more Earthlings as a rescue mission, or whatever is something that could really shake things up. There's a lot of different possibilities there. Is this a massive military force of hundreds or even thousands? Is it just a few? Do these Earthlings remain the normal size just like Valerie, Christina, and Steve? Or do they become giants like Janna and Laura? Did Valerie actually really manage to send off a broadcast reporting Laura's atrocities before she was killed? Would Earth send people to try to arrest Laura and Janna and try them for their crimes? Would they succeed if they did, or would they be too small to arrest them? Would Laura and Janna somehow manage to return to Earth, but remain being gargantuan giants and then impose their will upon Earth like they did here?
I dunno... there's tons of different possibilities here. It's your story and I won't tell you what to do, but these are just some ideas I'm throwing out there for your consideration.
Wow! Thank you so very much, Chozo. I don't have to tell you that this is the longest review I've ever read - hell, this is longer than some stories on this site. And what a review that is. "Make Thorwal great again and live eternally with your forefathers in the halls of Laura's intestines!" - These are only 2/5 instances where I had to stop reading and roll on the floor for a while.
I was going to admonish you for not putting your skills to use and write stories yourself. Then I discovered that you have written more than I probably ever will. And I want to read all of it in due time.I don't get to read that much when I write, because everything takes so long, but you are now Nr.1 on my list.
You're absolutely right on Valerie. I actually wrote versions of chapters where they were constantly droning on about this thing, talking about it or contemplating it in their heads. But that went nowhere. I should've made more avid mention of it, but Valerie's death was sort of the end of an act and the next act began with a lot of change (if I remember correctly). I resolved to use the absence of too much of a feeling about killing Valerie to show how low morals had fallen, and that there was no palpable difference between the aliens and the humans any more. In any case, I wanted to move forward.
My chapters are very long so that I don't have to leave out a lot of stuff. But I still have to cut some of it, which is invariably where the poop stuff falls. I'm not into it, except for maybe to show how powerful they are. It's a good tool for it that may be worth revisiting. The point that anyone following a giantess would certainly come across it is a big one I missed entirely. It just didn't enter my mind.
Earth is going to come in eventually again, of course. I have a couple of ideas for that but now is no the time.
Thorwal worked well for a number of reasons, but I don't think I can replicate it. Neither would staying there have been realistic - except maybe if they had utilized the harbour, gone full divine and hoped for the best; but I do not actually believe religion goes that far except in muslim extremists. It tried to show that in Thorgun and the conversations he had with the daughters of the Ottaskin. There are just too many flaws and contradictions in religion. The girls are not going to go back to Thorwal. I think that's pretty clear. Now, that doesn't mean your notion of change to their people and religion is wholly to discard. I think this might be a missing piece of puzzle I will work in later. Stay tuned :D Thanks a lot for this. This is gonna be brilliant.
Actually there's a ton of ideas in this review, some of which I had already planned to work in, and other stuff I didn't even consider.
That being said, I'm in a rather hard place right now. There's a million places to go for the girls, but none are immediately obvious. Something has to happen. But what? They'll have to work that out together, only they are not even united right now. There are traces of big developments visible in the latest chapters, a hint here, another there, but nothing explicit. I was wondering if readers would figure them out, but until now no one has.
So, in terms of a big development, I'm edging there, slowly. I just don't have a clear idea of how to get there yet, which is why the plot is a bit wobbly at the moment.
Thanks again for investing the time of telling me all this. It helps a lot, and I will definitely pick up on those suggestions. <3
Date: September 05 2018 3:04 PM Title: Chapter 44
Nice chapter. I really like Lissandra's character. Cutesy and that part where she said "I like air, I'd like a place with air" was funny/cute but screwed up all the same. Hope she doesn't get smooshed too soon. As usual Janna is a huge bitch that kills and tortures to entertain herself and on a whim. I like the monster girls too, especially the submissive one. Lissandra tho is a much more interesting character, a broken-slave that tries really hard for the sake of merely staying alive even though their life sucks and always will, almost like she's on autopilot.
I'm wondering what the end game is for this story if there even is one? Is this just gonna be: Janna stomps a villiage chapter then Laura stomps one, then back the Janna again till you run out of scenarios? Not saying that's a bad thing but I'm curious. Some of the other characters are doing their own thing and are sort of interesting too but I mostly stick around for the GTS action but it's feeling a bit same-y.
It's like I already know that Janna and Laura are gonna kill a bunch of medieval tinies in a given chapter but I'm hoping for more curveballs. You were throwing more out in the beginning. Things like the Sea God, or that wizard guy that possesed Laura, or the time Janna or was it Laura? got lit on fire, or when the other ship arrived and it was tiny sized, and even the beginning when we had the Good GTS/Bad Gts dynamic that kept things more interesting imo. But most chapters now it's just stomp a village here, rip and guy in half there, use a chick as sex toy, etc, with basically both Laura and Janna.
Anyway I'm still reading this story so it's got me hooked regardless, the chapter sizes are still huge and sometimes I gotta sit on one for a while till I find the time to read it all in one go, so my comments are late. It's still well written, etc. So don't think I stopped liking this story, these are just critiques, nitpicks and my opinions.
That's so absolutely right. And there is this pendulum as well, build something, fuck it, build something, fuck it. I am working on it but development is slow. I hate stories that just go "then a miracle occurs" but perhaps I am a bit too obsessed with build up.
And I feel like the gts stuff gotta be in there. I try to use the regular people for plot, but then I get carried away with building them up.
I am planning to go a bit further into the future soon. I sort of sabotaged myself when I took away magic as well which limits the options for the adversaries. Got a few big ideas, though. Stay tuned.
Thank you SO MUCH for this. This is what I needed.
Date: August 25 2018 7:48 PM Title: Chapter 42
"Léon still smiled, knowing that Thorsten was not like to live and see the resurrection of Thorwal. Wood and stone they would find aplenty, but there was no way to repopulate so large a land within a singe lifetime."
Actually, there kinda is a way... who says that the repopulating of Thorwal has to be with the Thorwalsh? They are a race of people that have been nearly genocided into extinction by Janna and Laura, but the world is full of many other races in lands that the giants have not touched or barely touched. I think this could be an expedient solution to Thorsten's dilemma.
The destruction of Thorwal was so thorough that there probably isn't much reason for the giants to return there anytime soon. For that same reason it would be a logical place for the refugees caused by their destruction in other lands to find their way there. It is also unclaimed land for the taking.
If the Thorwal aren't even there to defend it, then the refugees could just come and claim it anyway. But if someone like Thorsten incentives immigration, it could be a way to much more rapidly rebuild the kingdom into a force to reckon with.
I completely get though that the other races aren't as tall or burly as the Thorwal and wouldn't be as effective warriors, but anything is better than nothing. Culturally and linguistically, it would also be a challenge to assimilate a massive influx of foreigners. But this is a problem the Thorwal now face themselves, because Laura destroyed their God, so they are now divided on what to believe in, or if they even believe in anything at all. This would be fertile ground for foreign ideas to take root, and the synthesis of a new collective identity for Thorwal.
As you've written, the Thorwalsh are excellent seafarers, shipbuilders, raiders, etc. But they lack in other ways, like armor and artillery. An influx of immigrants would not only rapidly repopulate their lands within Thorsten's lifetime, but also bring in the knowledge to build better weapons and armor, and make them more formidable against the giants.
Its an idea, anyway. Not one that most people would easily embrace, but the Thorwalsh are desperate at this point.
Ooooh! Thanks so much for this comment. I don't want to spoil anything, but Thorsten has basically laid it out already.
The Thorwalsh are seafarers, mostly pirates, smugglers, mercenaries and traders. Therefore there is a large expat population of ethnic Thorwalsh all over the continent at any given time. If they hear the call, who knows, maybe they will come back. This might be even likelier since there is now arable land to distribute. Right now, there are a few thousand Thorwalsh in Nostria alone, wrecking havoc in a sort of guerilla war.
On top of that, there are still some THorwalsh communities left to start over with. There is a bunch of rocky islands off the coast as well that have been settled. Nevertheless, the remaining Thorwalsh are in trouble. Why? For one, Nostria is a bunch of greedy pricks and even though they are being harrowed right now (next chapter will expand on this), they are already planning, or in the process of, crossing the river at Salza and claiming the Thorwalsh lands for their own. That's the southern threat.
Then there are barbarians in the mountains, in the far north and in clefts along the coast where they live relatively secluded and are hard to find. The Hjaldingers, Gjalskerlanders and Fjarningers were all smashed by the Thorwalsh ages ago and have been resentfully living in their shadow. Especially the Fjarningers (the wildest people who live mostly in the mountains) pose a threat. But Thorsten already has a Fjarninger chieftain on his side (Arombolosh), and he aims not to divide and conquer but to unite and rule.
Nevertheless, that is going to take a lot of time.
For the refugee question, Thorwalsh are relatively open minded when it suits them. That being said, they certainly do not want to see themselves become a minority in their own land. And Thorwal is really unsuitable for refugees, too. It's winters are hard and while Thorsten restablishes his Jarldom there is practically no rule of law there, meaning the strong take from the weak as they will - not to mention the likelihood of getting in between the frontlines when there is fighting, which there certainly will be.
But the technology point is well taken, and Thorsten is already edging towards change. He's seen Horasian artillery in action and has learned upon his own body that having armour is certainly a useful thing, afraid of death or not. I think maybe Thorwal could go the way of Denmark. Not sure yet. Whatever they do will take long and Janna and Laura move very quickly so I'll be occupied for quite a while before I pick up the Thorwalsh again.
Thanks again for this engaging comment. Stay tuned for the next chapter. It's almost done but it will go up on Patreon first, maybe a week later here.
Date: July 08 2018 8:56 PM Title: Prologue
Haven't reviewed your work in quite some time. But I recently learned from my sister about amazon.com eBooks. That is what I'd strongly recommend to you.
Saturn Seven is a story that you could use as a way of getting attention because to me it crosses multiple spectrums and could potentially be enjoyed by a plethora of Kindle readers.
My sister knows a woman who doesn't just use it as a supplemental income but as her full time job, she started out writing fan-fiction stuff which is basically what this site is and now has an enormous following. [I'll be able to get the authors name at a later date]
I regretted not supporting you on patreon but I really didn't trust that site(still don't). However, me along with millions of others have an amazon account that they trust. I truly hope that this helps.
My dream is to see Saturn Seven turned into a violent anime someday kinda like : Attack on Titan meets Game of Thrones on Netflix(because they have a giant audience)
I can't post clickable links here so you'll have to copy and paste it.
Really appreciate all the time you've spent here and hope that you can write some great stories. (if amazon isn't you thing then I apologize for wasting you time)
Thanks! I was wondering where you were.
I'll take that book thing under advisement. I don't watch anime at all, though.
Date: June 30 2018 3:38 PM Title: Prologue
I really liked the part with the Bard and the Knight, it brings some emotion to the story. The senseless killing was getting a bit boring!
Also, thank you for writing!
Thanks! That's a very good point.
Date: June 19 2018 7:39 AM Title: Chapter 3
Hey dude idk why but i really want Marvin the hunter to return. I really liked him and felt it was unfair what happened to him. I hoped when she felt movement it was a goddess or something rescuing him. Ill need you to go ahead and tell me it aint gonna happen so i dont get let down lol Or if jenna at least finds out he wasent a bad dude
Haha, welcome to the story.