Date: June 21 2014 11:14 AM Title: Chapter 16: Changing Scenes
This was entertaining! It strays away from my usual box, but has been humorous and clever along the way. The casual narration style works perfectly for setting the mood. I think I was most impressed by the phenomenal sentence structure you seem to have a gift for. The overall structure and transitions are surprisingly well organized considering the nature of the story. Though as semantics go, there are bound to be a few details that could be optimized, but that's hardly relevant for casual-fun writing!
I think the weakest point would be the minor characters-- I tend to look for strong characters in stories. It can be a hinderance when dialogue is limited given Nick's circumstances as well as managing the balance between developing characters and advancing the story, but honestly with as little time you spent on each minor character you did an excellent job creating their image as Nick moved from setting to setting. Either introducing reoccurring characters or reintroducing and further developing previous minor characters I think would help fill that gap.
Pardon the long review (sort of looks more like a critique now that I think about it), but I do very much admire your writing skills! I'll look forward to future content!
Thanks for the critique soniti! And by the way, I love long reviews, so don't feel bad.
And i agree with you on the character standpoint. I like Nick, but i feel like you never realy get to know him that well, or any other character for that matter. I'm almost done with this story (only like3 or 4 more chapters) so i don't know if i will have time to fix that. Even if i can't, thats just something to improve next time!
Date: June 09 2014 4:45 PM Title: Chapter 11: Almost at the end
Hopefully he comes out the other end. Most takes on the digestive system (and I've seen a few) cop out and have the subject being burped up or something. That's no fun at all.
I got bored just thinking about that. Na, were going all the way here.
Date: June 09 2014 7:38 AM Title: Chapter 1: Magical Snails
The chapter numbering I think causes some needless confusion. I would just renumber them in order, and rename that chapter to what it's about. The explanation at the beginning is enough to know you had some more stuff written, but it didn't flow well and so you didn't post it, we don't really need the chapter outline to do that.
Yeah, good points about the names and such. I will go back and fix that. Thing is, I added stuff to this kinda randomly, so my chapters numbers are way off.
And i didn't take things out because they didn't flow right. I just never wrote them. Thought it would be a funny way to move the story along.
Date: June 08 2014 1:16 PM Title: Chapter 1: Magical Snails
Just saw this story. Interesting ideas! Wonder if he's really taking the whole tour through her body haha
Thanks for the comment, and yes he will get to see everything! At least the fun stuff.
Date: June 05 2014 11:32 AM Title: Chapter 9: what Now?
The fat fly and the snails conversation made me laugh. I'm not into animal intraction but those were witty moments. especially the fly not understanding why he was rejected.
You had me on edge waiting for him to fly into someones food the whole chapter, but at least I have something to look forward to in the next chapter.
Thanks for the comliment. Its always nice to know that things are coming acros the way you want them to. And don't worry, you will not have to wait long.
Date: June 03 2014 7:37 PM Title: Chapter 1: Magical Snails
I have read quite a few tranformation stories and most normally lack the detail to make the scenario interesting. Your story is a little weirder since it is an animal tranformation which again is something you don't see much of.
I must say though that your story idea is well executed details are good the story is good and the things happening to our little fly are so well described that I will admit it has managed to exite me.
It is good different but good
Chloe, thank you for the praise! Whenever I wright something, I try to make it as interesting as possible. I’m glad others are able to enjoy it.
Date: June 02 2014 7:42 PM Title: Chapter 1: Magical Snails
I was going to say add anything butt related but then I saw your response to lost soul.
so I guess i'll change my answer to...... idk anything to do with female giantesses. hopefully one of the girls, if not many girls gets to eat him and he does a full tour of their body, partially immune to their stomach acids. I like the idea of a happy ending but he's going to have to go through a lot to achieve that.
I got'cha. I think what i'm going to do is add some more animal interactions (I do like animals) then go back to more normal giantess stuff, like butt and vore. And i already wrote a chapter with full tour in it, so its only a matter of time until that pops up.
Date: June 01 2014 2:29 PM Title: Chapter 8: The slow digesting process
Totally in love with the plot :') I still hope youll could do an unfortunate ending, I know you said you didnt want to. Maybe you can do two endings, one "happy ending" and one not? Maybe one where he ends as bird poop haha :x I also had another idea for the fly. Maybe there could be a chapter with a police horse patrole, and him ending near one of the horses rear ends when it's lift its tail, could also be en ending idea, where one of the two horses says there is a pesky fly around his rear really bothering him and lifting its tail doesnt swish it away, and he asks his horse friend to deal with it, which does so in using his mouth to snap/lick for it and swallowing the fly. The irony would be, that the fly would end as horse manure.
I love the horse idea! And that would fit so perfectly into this to. I will try very hard to include that.
And i'm going to be honest, don't love the unfortunate ending thing. I want this story to have a happy tone to it. That bieng said, i might be open to writting an alternate ending. I mean, why not?
Date: May 17 2014 6:27 PM Title: Chapter 1: Magical Snails
I really liked the changing room seen, a bit more description would be even better. I feel this would be a whole lot better if you stuck to interactions with giant women instead of birds, but it's your story, so it's your choice. Boobs/butt and maybe giant articles of clothing are my favorite. :) Good story concept nonetheless.
Thanks for the comment! I know what your saying, but boobs/butt things have been done so much befor. I want to try something new. Don't worry though, it is only going to be for a chapter or two, then we switch back to humans!
Date: May 16 2014 12:51 PM Title: Chapter 4: Woops, I guess this is the chapter with the changing room
you were clear. i know you had more to post but I wish you werent finished so you could keep adding more ideas to the story even though they werent posted yet.
if you want to meet on the egiantess chat for ideas pick a time.
Oh! Now i understand. But no worries! This is a very... i guess a good word would be loose, story. There realy isn't a set plot line that i need to follow, so i can add things pretty much anywhere. Like a couple comments ago someone mentioned getting eaten by a bird. It was no challenge to put that in at all.
Date: May 14 2014 4:40 PM Title: Chapter 4: Woops, I guess this is the chapter with the changing room
WHAT! you finished it! this story has so much potential! do you need ideas? because i can give you some and I know there are tons of other reviewers who have requests too.
This chapter was cool because what voyeur doesnt like a changing room scene. I was surprised he he survived ashleys boot so easily but i guess Carlys stomp made up for it.
Oh, did i not make it clear? I finished writting it, but i still need to post a bunch. So far, this is less than half.Still, if you have any sugestions, shoot.
You know this was actualy the first time i ever wrote a changing room scene? When i was writting the story, I wasn't even planning on putting it in. It just kinda popped into my head midway through the chapter. Worked out well though.
Date: May 14 2014 2:51 PM Title: Chapter 1: Magical Snails
Great idea having him be immortal so there can be many deaths without introducing different characters and having to write little background stories for them. The possibilities are endless and I'm looking forward to many different deaths and body parts to be trapped in.
I dont know about this macle character. he made him immortal but I still think hes up to no good.
Thanks Mr E! It realy does get anoying trying to write backstories. I realy hate them. Just get to the action! And interesting observation about Macle. I wonder if thats true or not. *snicker*
Date: May 10 2014 4:55 PM Title: Chapter 3: Some sexy changing room action
Another very funny chapter. The only thing that doesn't make sense is the title. Did this chapter used to contain something else, or do I just have a very different opinion of what constitutes a "changing room"?
I'm glad you actualy found it funny! And thanks for the review. As with the title, it actualy ties in with the next chapter. I was going to post them together, but then i changed some things in the other one, didn't correct it yet, but still wanted to post stuff.
Date: May 09 2014 11:27 AM Title: Chapter 2: Nick is shrunk (What a surprise)
Very interesting story idea, totally looking forward into it. I always liked tf ideas, especially things like turned into a tiny fly or bug. I also like unaware plots, with an unfortunate "unhappy" ending, so I hope for the best. Even though you wrote you wanted to have male interactions limited, I thought it would fit perfect into it, boys normally hate flys even more and try to exterminate or play pranks with them. I also would like an ending where the "fly" ends in the stomach of a larger bird for example. So I like the concept of this story a lot, it's different from the normal stories written on here. Keep up the great work.
Thanks for the comment! I did a couple transformation stories a while ago, and even thought they were terrible, i did like writting them. There just a lot of potential, so many things you can do!
But with the 'unhappy' ending thing, i was trying to make this story with more of a happy vibe to it. I been doing a lot of brutal and violent stuff, so this was going to be my change of pace.
I like the bird idea. I was thinking about putting in some animal interactions, but wasn't sure about what people's reactions would be. I'll squeez it in if i can.
And i'll think about the giant boy thing. Might include a little giant action, but not a lot. Like i said in the story, been doing a lot with that in my other story.