[Report This]Date: December 08 2014 1:45 PM Title: Chapter 10 - The Chosen
After reading chapter one through nine, I was a bit hesitant to read chapter ten, I must admit. I mean, nothing could top what I read between chapter one and nine. Those chapters were too good. Boy was I wrong – and I’ve never been happier to be wrong. Chapter 10 was amazing.
You have a way of creating vivid scenes and powerful imagery without an insane amount of details and words. It’s such a difficult thing to master. (You know the old saying “less goes a long way”, or something like that). Seared into my mind is that image of Melanie’s first victim in the pool. The way she swallowed that little guy and kept swimming while his body went tumbling down her esophagus and into her stomach as she moved to the next victim. I’m still dazed just thinking about that.
I also love the beginning stages of David interacting with Melanie’s future victims, such as the moments he was in the dollhouse. Personally, I would like to see more of David coming out of his shell and maybe even taunting the victims. That’s just me though.
I could keep going on, but I fear I might just start babbling. I can’t get over how good this story is. I’m kicking myself for not finding it earlier, but it’s been such a great pleasure reading huge chunks in a row. See? I’m babbling now. Great story. Hope to see more from ya!
Author's Response:
Phew, I'm glad you did! Thank you for your kind words! I've always struggled with the concept of less is more, and not having enough details, you know? I guess it's the struggle we all go through as fledgling writers and aspiring authors.
You've given me cause to add more to David's interaction with her future victims. I had a bit, sure, and I've added a bit more, right, but you've given me some ideas that I was having trouble putting into words. I think we'll get to see David possibly revealing himself, possibly not. Who knows, I don't even know until I write it! I'm just as excited as you are to see just what new things I can make.
Again thank you for reading and even more so for reviewing, it sincerely helps and I appreciate it immeasurably. I hope the coming chapters can do well to live up to the hype! ^^
--HK
[Report This]Date: December 07 2014 10:51 PM Title: Chapter 10 - The Chosen
This story was good before. But it just got ten times better in the remake.
I love how you changed David and Melanie ' s relationship, to a more intimate one. And you evolved of things beside just vore. Now there is boobs, and you talk about other body features.
Thanks
Author's Response:
Thank you! I shall endeavor to add a few new things here and there and see what kind of trouble I can get these two into. Your words are very insightful, thank you for reviewing and letting me know! I wasn't sure if anybody was catching that, haha.
--HK