[Report This]Date: May 04 2014 1:30 PM Title: Chapter 16: The Date
Isn't Jess hitting that girl misuse of powers? Anyway I did enjoy this chapter even though I already had a pretty good idea how it'd go down. I'm actually excited to get back to the main story, not that this backstory wasn't good...
Now here some friendly critique for you:-------------------------------------
I feel like one of your weaknesses as a writer though is "telling" us things instead of "showing" them.
Like for example, a couple of chapters back the story said that Jess had this really big heart and she was a wonderful person and whatnot, more than all the agents at the base.
But instead of telling us that through the narrator, you could've had Jess help an old man across the street on her way to the office (maybe causing her to almost be late), maybe she could've rescued a cat from a tree, etc.
By showing us the readers these things it would make us REALLY see Jess as a great, noble person. Telling us how gentle and nice she is isn't the same as showing us. And so far, other than being a decent person she hasn't really lived up to those statements yet.
I see this because I do this too sometimes. I have the need to tell people things about characters in the story instead of setting up situations that would prove they fit the bill. I'm sure you'll have things planned to really show us how big a heart Jess has in the story but I'm just pointing out something to work on. Actions speak louder than words they say.
Author's Response:
Thank you for that, I will definitely try and show her heart more in future chapters instead of just saying it. BTW I hope you enjoy what happens next.