[Report This]Date: March 18 2014 10:45 AM Title: Ass cleaner Todd
This is a great first story. I comletty agree with newschool though. It just feels like we were thrown into the middle of the story. As much as I like the butt stuff, I think I prefer the reaction of the people when they catch the perv. I hope to see more from you, possibly even new chapters to this story!
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review,im starting out writing single chapter stories until I get a better grasp of this writing thing.
Date: March 16 2014 2:19 PM Title: Ass cleaner Todd
As much as I love butt content, I need story/character substance to go along with it. Aside from all the ass stuff, everything else was flat, which makes the story feel less real. I would have loved a chapter about Todd getting caught perving on the cheerleaders to set us up for the butt content. It also could have allowed you to make these girls seem more real by having them talk while they're being perved on. The only thing I know about these girls is their ethnicity and that they're cheerleaders.... When it's just superficial, it doesn't feel real.
It was a good first effort though! Just work on developing the characters and story, and the butt-play will be much more rewarding :)
Author's Response:
Thanks for the tip,always aiming to improve.