[Report This]Date: March 21 2014 9:46 PM Title: Chapter 13
Wow, that young waitress has mastered the art of female domination! I wonder where she learned that from...hmmmm.
To be honest, I expected this sexual behavior from Diane and the waitress to be gentle.
Diane was the authoritive force in her house, so I assumed she would control Bob like the waitress did here.
The waitress on the other hand, is this innocent girl, nervous if Bob was even real. I thought she would take care of him like a little girl and her doll.
Some interesting personalities you have for your characters. Quite the surprise. However, I enjoy surprises like this chapter. Keep it up!
[Report This]Date: March 21 2014 7:13 PM Title: Chapter 13
Good detail describing Bobby’s ride in the girl’s pocket.
One thing I’d recommend is to do a search for ‘ly’ in your stories and see where adverbs can be removed. For example ‘suddenly interrupted’ - the word ‘interrupted’ implies suddenly. ‘Suddenly engrossed’ would be stronger as just ‘engrossed’. ‘steadily stepped’ would be better as ‘stepped’ or a more descriptive verb like ‘strode’.
PS. I'm glad you went the waitress route.
[Report This]Date: March 21 2014 9:17 AM Title: Chapter 13
I'm first, for once? Yay me!
As for this chapter? Quite the (ahem!) arousing climax.
Author's Response:
Why thank you, kind Sir!