[Report This]Date: February 18 2014 10:30 AM Title: Ch. 2 'Pig Roast'
Please take my advice with a grain of salt as I’m still trying to learn the ‘art’ of writing. What editor do you use? I just use google docs at the moment but am looking for something better. However, it does have spell check. Even though many stories posted on this sight are first drafts, spell check is automatic enough nowadays that I’d recommend it. Would catch misspellings like surprizing, articals, vehicals etc. Another thing I’m trying to work on is reducing adverb usage. Words like 'nervously' are ‘telling’ the reader. Instead you can ‘show’ the reader via context. E.g., The two wild-haired boys, dusted off the their pantlegs and fidgeted, avoiding direct eye contact with the girls. Just an example. Sometimes it is possible to go overboard with ‘showing’ tho, especially if the story needs to move faster, so it’s a judgement call. As for the story, well looks like Jen and Chloe are about to have two more toys. If only it were always so easy to shrink people. :)
Author's Response:
I was just using 'wordpad', -no spellcheck- or anything else. Although, I just downloaded 'Google Docs', I'll give it a try...
I see what you mean about the adverb useage, we should focus more on the action words, and allow for more detail...
Thanks for the info., and I'll let you know if I find something better.
[Report This]Date: February 17 2014 12:51 PM Title: Ch. 2 'Pig Roast'
Wow, Jen and Chloe shrinking both of them and then having a foursome. That would be interesting.
Also, I really wonder how Carly is going to approach her mother, and how Diane reacts. I could picture this.
"Mom, i have a confession." Carly asked.
"What is it sweetie?" Diane asked as she sat next to Carly.
"You know Bob?" Carly asked.
"Robert? Yes" Diane responded now thinking of Bobs current position currently in her underwear.
"Well, I shrunk him and made him run away."
"What happened dear?" Diane asked leaning toward Carly.
"Well, I....um....(Carly didnt know what to say). Well lets just say I hurt Bob and I..."
"How did you hurt him?" Diane interrupted.
Carly paused. "I sort of...used him...for my desires."
"Oh really?" Diane was now interested as she smiled and looked down and crossed her legs.
(Just a suggestion)
Anyway, another great chapter. Happy presidents day!
Author's Response:
You just can't wait to get back inside those tightly fitted, mildly moistened, steaming hot panties can you! Lol!
Thanks 4 the suggestions, I ll concider it Mr. Speedy....
[Report This]Date: February 17 2014 11:10 AM Title: Ch. 2 'Pig Roast'
Moral of the chapter: friends don't let friends drive shrunk.
Ba-DUM-Boom!
Okay; serious now. I'm glad that Carly is finally regaining her right mind. Maybe if she confesses the whole thing to her mother (out of fear that her little hubby fell off the bumper), Diane will take a little pity on her and reunite the two. But, callous as this might make me sound, I think Di should keep her in suspense a little longer. To make sure Carly's change of heart is sincere.
Author's Response:
L.O.L! Yeah, it would be kinda hard to reach the pedals, or the steering wheel! '*.*'
Diane has some 'issues' that she needs to work out too, and with Bobby, (being in the state that he's in) he's just the perfect size!
Although, for his sake, she knows, all too well how spoiled her daughters are, and she's not going to be so quick to just hand him back over to them...