Reviewer: Casanova Signed [Report This]
Date: January 16 2014 2:28 PM Title: Chapter 1

I won't lie, Kaneda, this story sent my stomach turning. You did such a great job with Ranavalona: she's heart-wrenchingly evil, and I couldn't help but be afraid of her. I think the choice to have Ranavalona attack a pair of lovers, as opposed to just one person, made her all the more malicious. Anyone would hate for something like that to happen to them, but for it to also happen to a loved one, simultaneously? That's something else entirely, and while certainly this isn't a new idea by any means, your execution was well done.

I can't find a whole lot to criticize, so I'll just nitpick a bit. 1.) I thought that mentioning Kumiko's name was pointless in the greater scheme of the story. 2.) It's not obvious (or especially important, really, but that's why I qualified these remarks as nitpicking) what the Fumie's room looks like.

Overall, it's a very sexy one-shot. Hope to see more!

Author's Response:

I really have no idea what I was going for with Kumiko, and the name was totally made up on the spot.  It really does make more sense for Rana to have completely forgotten the girl and is even more likely that she never cared what her name was in the first place.  I feel a little silly that I never considered that in the edits and revisions I made.

 

I think it shows that having lovers and families as my victims is one of my favorite fantasies.  I definitely get a little more inspired when the subject comes up, and I was even more glad that someone requested this from me.  Your words are incredibly kind and delight me quite a bit, this is definitely the best feedback I've gotten so far for this story.  I've been feeling that ever since "Sisters and Servants" I've been getting a little soft with Ranavalona, so it felt good to get back to the beautiful black core of her sadistic spirit once more.

Reviewer: lfcfan Signed [Report This]
Date: January 14 2014 2:45 PM Title: Chapter 1

Read it on Deviantart, this is excellent! You really have a gift for having your characters interact with eachother smoothly and very enticingly!

Will you continue this, or is it just a stand-alone?