Reviewer: Rollerballboy Signed [Report This]
Date: November 13 2013 11:39 AM Title: Chapter 10

You have a great story going, but I fear you are about to make several fatal story mistakes:

 

1. Get some time management skills to use your time wisely. Set a reminder to continue your story on something like your computer, IPAD, or Smart Phone, etc. So many stories here wind up unfinished and abandoned and there good stories, but the author either forgets about them or they just don't have the time. But those who don't have time do have time, they’re just not managing it well enough.

 

2. Never limit the number of chapters you are going to make, creativity cannot be limited even if it is only part one.

 

3. Stay consistent in your writing. In other words do not interrupt the flow of a story with a lot of jumping from area to the next or in your case, from one time period to another. Its ok once in a long while but don't do it constantly.

 

4. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT! KEEP YOUR CHARACTERS CONSISTANT. DO NOT CHANGE YOUR CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ON A WHIM OR JUST BECAUSE IT SUITS THE SITUATION, like you did with Trish. In the story, you've been foreshadowing her as a mean girl, but suddenly out of nowhere without any explanation she goes from mean spoiled brat to caring shy girl. That's just disappointing and makes it so people don't want to read anymore.

 

I've seen it happen many time and the story always bombs. You have the makings of a great story, but you are teetering on the edge of great and bomb. I hope you take my advice and I hope see even more of you writing in the future.