Date: March 30 2018 3:44 PM Title: Respiration
Glad that this story is continuing. Surprising revelation about the inhaler, and curious as to what this means regarding future character development on Caitlin's part. Also curious about the situation with Alex's sister and whether that side story will be introduced into the plot. All over you manage to keep things in a evolving state of curiosity. Hoping Penny will reappear within the next few chapters. Keep up the good work!
Alex's sister is not integral to the plot by any means, but she may well appear.
Hopefully the story still manages to be interesting and hold attention. At times it feels a bit like I'm going into excruciatingly introspective detail about things and it drags, but I'm always trying to have something new, or some kind of info or a development each chapter that adds to the overall plot. Things are gradually being unveiled and revealed and it all helps keep Jack's perspective in a state of evolution - he doesn't know how the others think or truly act but as time goes on, that picture becomes more complete. It can be tricky to write but I think it's a lot more engaging than having an omnipotent narrator who says things like 'Alex wanted to save Jack but was panicking' or 'Penny wanted to kiss him very badly' - the eventual reveal of these feelings and the intent behind certain actions can be more satisfying, and closer to the human experience itself.
Date: March 30 2018 11:58 AM Title: Introduction
Leaning back and forth between Nostory and smoki1020's speculations.
Knowledge of Caitlin's asthma could definitely play to Jack's favor. But if blackmailing were to occur, I don't see it coming straight from Jack when Caitlin can trump him with the mere threat of physical violence. Perhaps Jack may use it to appeal to Caitlin's humanity or if blackmailing occurs it'll be from someone else; like Alex catching Caitlin abusing him again and threatening to tell her coach about the asthma if she doesn't leave him alone.
Looking forward to how it'll progress now that it seems Caitlin has an achilles heel.
Yeah, there are definitely a few potential avenues for the blackmail - either an anonymous tip-off or Alex / Penny / even Delon doing something and not Jack himself, assuming they are comfortable putting themselves in the firing line. Appealing to Caitlin's humanity would appear to be a pointless effort, given the way things have panned out in the past, but never say never...
Date: March 30 2018 10:43 AM Title: Respiration
Ok ok Maybe I misjudged Alex. So Caitlin the monster has a weakness that she keep secret. But Unlike Nostory, I don't think Jack will blackmail Caitlin because he hasn't the guts for and that endanger Alex.
He has to weigh up the pros and cons of endangering himself and his friends via some kind of dedicated blackmail attempt VERSUS the risks of being captured / living a life of unrelenting unease and fear. It's not necessarily about guts, it's more that if the blackmail backfires, it won't just be him who could suffer, Penny and also, let's not forget, Delon (who is very vulnerable too) could be targeted.
Date: March 30 2018 9:41 AM Title: Respiration
Man Alex has the caring of a saint, it doesn't even look like she likes Jack, she just has a moral code that she sticks to, even if it means putting herself in danger. I'd really like to know more about her, but I guess I'll make do with finding out more about Catilin. Is this the reason why she wants to pick on someone weaker than her? Because she sees herself as weak? Anyway I'm really looking forward to more!
Interesting observations. Jack hasn't really had a proper conversation with Alex yet, for several reasons, so the reader still doesn't fully know what or who she really is. Who's to say if this will continue or not? As for Caitlin, you're right, she sure seems insecure about being seen as weak...
Date: March 05 2018 10:34 PM Title: Combination
Alex should have had Jack hug her tightly and then she could have worn a jacket on top of him.
I think there could have been other ways to hide him beside the locker. I think Alex just didn't want to get caught hiding Jack.
A lockerroom scene is always hot. Love the tension as Caitlin as near him. What if Caitlin was able to smell Jack's fear? Maybe a familiar aroma? It could have even been more intense.
I miss the suspense with Caitlin. Glad the alpha girl fun is back.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Date: March 04 2018 5:34 PM Title: Introduction
I'm fairly sure that Alex is not betraying Jack. I think that's Alex's locker he's hiding in, and Caitlin just tries it because she wants to borrow something from Alex (she looked in her bag first, then in some other lockers).
Still, Alex does act mysteriously, so it's hard to guess her true intent. I think the pool party soured her on Caitlin's cruel games, and Alex has decided to discreetly help out Jack when she can. Even if that is the case, though, Alex is still something of a gray character, morally. Maybe she wants to help Jack, but she still doesn't like to risk Caitlin's wrath.
That makes me appreciate Alex all the more, since she's the character in the story with the most chance for some personal growth. Yay! Character arc!
Loving the story.
Date: March 04 2018 7:52 AM Title: Combination
The most suspenseful cliff-hanger, yet!
I mean, did Alex really betray him? Or simply gamble on the fact that Caitlin's own gym locker would be the last place the giant redhead might look for him? Or could it be even simpler than that? Like, say, Caitlin's thrill-seeking has now devolved to sneak thievery?
"Tune in for our next chapter for the answer to these and other thought-provoking questions."
Date: March 03 2018 4:48 PM Title: Combination
I was wondering when Caitlin would go after Jack again. And again, his best ally in this isnt Delon or Penny, its Alex. I cant speak to her character since we dont see alot of her but Alex is an impressive person. Not many people would stick their necks out for a friend much less some random kid!
Date: March 02 2018 11:57 AM Title: Expectation
A commotion and then Hannah pick up Jack, who, what a surprise, was the one sent flying ? I smell some kind of conspiration... I wonder if Caitlin asked one of her crony to provoke it or if she went herself to deal with Penny, but I got the feeling that our little protagonist will trade one pair of very perk breasts to the knockers of his tormentor really soon...
I wonder how the redheaded sport addict is right now... I suspect that while she may try to torture Jack some more she'll finally admit to herself that she fell something for him. In any case, I know I won't be disappointed by your work !
Date: February 25 2018 2:15 PM Title: Introduction
"You must register to review " ....I can do that to review this story . Any appreciating adjective would simply fail to describe the excellence this creation . I really used to come back every month to check for an update and man.... can't describe the feeling when i saw chapter 34 instead of 31 as the last one . For my part, i may sound cruel but i never wanted the Caitlyn part to end , i am in love with that bitch and her attitude...hope to see more of her in future . I seriously just warn you to not leave this story incomplete , or get ready for an AMATERASU from me !!!!! Jokes apart , KEEP IT UP MADAFAKA . :D
I'M STILL GOING, OK, JEES.