Reviewer: youre_my_slave Signed [Report This]
Date: July 31 2013 1:50 PM Title: Showering

Why would she say he tasted good if he was covered in shampoo? Why is he so nonchalant abou everything that's happening? He's not showing any concern for his current situation at all.

Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed [Report This]
Date: July 30 2013 6:09 PM Title: Chemistry Class

You need to take things slower, it feels like you wanted to just blow through writting this as fast as you could...That not gonna make a good story, in my opinion.

I think that you are also being too non-chalant about certain things, such as when she asks him to be with her forever all of a sudden and he's like "yeah whatever". Those kinds of things make your characters feel robotic.

Its a good start though, Im glad you decided to start writting.