Reviewer: zephilia Signed [Report This]
Date: June 19 2013 8:02 AM Title: Chapter 7 - Day's End

I feel that this story was too short and didn't have enough depth. I wish that the chapters were longer and more involved. This story was ok for being done in such a short time. I am a fan of the shrunkern son/brother genre and love your ideas. I just believe that it would be better if you expanded on these ideas and had more involvment. Finally, I like it most when the brother/son is unwilling. Just something you may want to think about. There are alot of people that like the unwilling seen. Hope my comment was helpful and not hurtful to you. I seems like you have good potential.

Author's Response:

Not hurtful at all, and yes this story was short, it was pretty much me just getting something out there, I didn't plan it out or anything before I wrote it so that's why it's kinda... iffy in some places. I didn't really expand on the ideas presented in the story, and I understand not everyone enjoys what I enjoy so I'm going to be trying to write and accomodate many people in the future rather than people who just happen to be like me.

Thanks for the coment, every bit helps.

Reviewer: gerald Signed [Report This]
Date: June 18 2013 8:43 PM Title: Chapter 7 - Day's End

Since You mentioned some "ambitious" plans in the end notes, I think this deserves a bit longer review.

Honestly, these seven chapters were a cheap porn, nothing more - zero emotions, hardly any descriptions, absolutely no plot, basically nothing outside some hints of what have happened and leaving the rest for the readers to imagine.

I'm not saying that's bad and obviously You weren't aiming higher, so no disappointment there. The sole fact that I even got so far suggests it was somehow enjoyable - although I think it was not a "story", as You so generously put it.

As for any future works, well... You have a choice right now - continue this path and manufacture more of the same or try to write something actually ambitious.

Personally I hope for the latter, but it seems most readers around here just want the simple stuff. Not trying to judge, merely stating an observation.

Author's Response:

I agree, when I was writing this I didn't think much about anything other than just getting the action parts out, so yes I would agree that this is less of a story with meaning and more of just some quickly typed up porn. Honestly I didn't try with this, I had ideas that I'd thought of and I quickly put them into a situation that somewhat worked in order to write them out without it making no sense at all.

Perhaps I'm simply no good at writing about emotions or anything like that, maybe I'm all bang, I have no idea yet, I don't do this sort of thing often. I definetly had very little description, and I knew that halfway through writing.

Well, just have to acknowledge the flaws and work on it I guess, I'm glad you took the time to tell me your thoughts on this, and maybe the readers here only do want simple stuff, maybe that's all I'm really good at.

I guess we'll find out. Thanks again.