Date: May 14 2013 3:18 AM Title: Prologue
Great new chapter, my only small complaint is that she should have just swallowed him after he said where Jenni was, down with the cum, mostly because based on what we've seen of her so far, I just think she would have done that, not to mention, it would have been hot
Date: May 13 2013 10:16 PM Title: Chapter 11
Great new chapter. This story is very good. I like the suspence and the dramatic build up to finding the "one" she wants. Great writing style as well. I can't spot any grammar or spelling mistakes. This story has to be in my top fives. Cannot wait for the next chapter.
Date: May 01 2013 10:40 AM Title: Prologue
This is an amazing story and you're a very talented writer. From both technical and aesthetic standpoints, I feel like you could easily cut it as a professional writer in the sense that the prose and diction and whatnot are top notch. Obviously, having the talent and actually breaking the glass ceiling of getting published are two totally different animals (if that's your thing), but at least you've got one of them! I specifically admire how well the narration outside of the dialogue brings out each character. For instance, it's very obvious when the third-person limited perspective switches from Chelsea to Ms. Cavelli to Bryce, etc. That's really well done and not easy to pull off.
It's tough for me to find anything to criticize, but if I had to point to one thing, I'd have to say that there's not really a character that I'm rooting for. As an earlier reviewer mentioned, I'm afraid of Chelsea, and I'm not even in the story. Obviously I can't get behind any of the high school "cool kids," and even Ms. Cavelli is tough to sympathize with, simply because everyone descibes her as mean and she seems kind of dense -- for example, her attempt to scold Chelsea for the joint, while not out of character, was plain stupid and it's tough to like her for it.
Then again, a story like this doesn't lend itself to having likable characters; it could easily fall in the "horror" genre, and those tend to have unlikable victims as well as villains. So if you have that particular aim for the story, then feel free to ignore my one criticism.
Anyway, this is a fantastic piece of writing and I hope you continue it!
Date: April 14 2013 5:37 AM Title: Chapter 7
Recently I was flipping through the latest stories on this site, and this one caught my eye. The narrative is solid and the prologue adds a layer of complexity and uncertainty to it that I like. And the scenarios were great, though I kinda had thought/hoped you were going on the road to insertion with the teacher. My only complaint is that authors like Banfield and I don't see eye to eye, i.e. I generally prefer the victim swallowed whole and alive rather than chewed, but that said you have a promising story here. Hope to see more of this soon!
Date: April 06 2013 7:56 AM Title: Prologue
I randomly picked this up this morning and became instantly fascinated. I love the concept of hundreds of students trapped in a school with a girl who suddenly and unexpectedly finds herself excited by her power over them. Also, to second Tinyone's thoughts, I really wish I knew someone named Chelsea Dewinter. I bet we'd be the kind of friends that have hot, dangerous adventures together.
Obviously, I'll pay attention and look forward to more of this delightful romp. Your characterization of highschoolers is fantastic, and the language unique enough to warrant specifically being mentioned. I'll look into some of your other stuff (though I think I've read a bit before), and see how much fun I have reading.