[Report This]Date: January 22 2013 10:39 PM Title: Sophie and Family
I LOVE gentle breastfeed, too bad she turned on him. I really think she ought to have been more understanding of his situation, and why he was mad with her. And if she really did love him why not change him back? Anyway great read, Im glad you go back to (sort of) the gentle stuff.
Author's Response:
"But wait there's more"
Date: January 22 2013 10:33 PM Title: Relationship Issues
I have been following this story for some time now. I am in between on torture and gentle so don't expect me to be swooning over this. First things first.
Criticisms. You have a good plot line, but some parts are hard to understand due to choppy grammar, placement of words, and lack of conjunctions, commas, etc. It can feel awkward in places to read because it's hard to undertand what the characters are saying.
Compliments. You have a good story line going on here. A typical love story, so it seems, and then a deep betrayal by his love. Now his trust may never be restored and he may never love her again. It's a good story and I feel that you are really good at bringing out the gentle side of the giantess. I foresee some cruelness too so good job.
All in all, I think Defright, that you are an aspiring author and only time can tell if you are going to be a great one.
[Report This]Date: January 22 2013 10:12 PM Title: Relationship Issues
Good job man. I really like the direction you're taking this. I'm frankly amazed Luke can even backsass a giantess after what he'd been through over the past few months.
I see your improvement growing ever so much. I am definitely going to follow your sequel.
Author's Response:
Thanks that means a lot to me. Luke had kinda snapped there without thinking.
[Report This]Date: January 20 2013 9:25 PM Title: Trouble
Dear Defright,
The first order on my agenda, is you replied? How kind of you! There needs to be a better system to know if someone did or not...
Two, oh my gosh! MAJOR plot twist! Poor guy. She grants his deepest desire... and betrays him. Now he is in the toe of a... government agent? Interregator? Either way, poor man.
Astonished Reader,
Ghostbuster5.
P.S. Wish I could dimension jump. I want to hold a rescue mission with videogame characters
Author's Response:
Always nice to reply to the reader showing that you care about the comments. After I post a chapter I just wait untile the comment amount rises. Sorry about not being able to post this weekend, was WAY TO BUSY! As always thanks for the comment.
[Report This]Date: January 18 2013 12:34 PM Title: Trouble
Very interested to see how this goes.
aaron
[Report This]Date: January 17 2013 11:03 PM Title: Trouble
Oh ho! I like the twist this just went through. Some may not, but I say so. I expect Luke to hate Sophie now. Just an expectation. If they meet again I should think it to be interesting.
A great chapter and a better improvement in spelling and grammar. You're improving Defright.
Author's Response: Thanks man, oh your just going have to wait and see for what happens next! Next chapter probably up on Sat. or Sun.
Date: January 15 2013 3:56 PM Title: Sophie and Family
Not to be TOO criticising but you know what I think you need to add a bit more of? Commas. I found a lot of places where a comma could make a whole lot of difference in your stories. It's a good story, it's just that some parts seem to mix with each other which jumbles it up and a comma could help a lot.
But still, it's a good story.
[Report This]Date: January 15 2013 2:06 PM Title: Deep
I read all four chapters in one sitting. That's how riveting they were. Well done! :-)
Date: January 13 2013 12:33 PM Title: Sophie and Family
It's done already? Just realized that you put completed. Come on man, with a plot twist like that at the end of the third chapter, you need to extend it!
At least you said you had a sequel in mind.
Author's Response: No sorry that was an accidental click. Sorry,thanks for pointing it out. Oh no there is more let's say interesting things that will happen.
Date: January 13 2013 8:28 AM Title: Sophie and Family
Well each paragraph is supposed be a series of connected sentences - all focusing on one idea. That's the way I see a paragraph.
Also, I have to agree with Dudemanguy that things are moving rather quickly.
Author's Response: Sorry but I have big plans for this story and of course I think I have a great sequel in mind.
[Report This]Date: January 13 2013 8:17 AM Title: Deep
Things escalated kind of quickly. Maybe a bit too fast. Not that I'm complaining.
A much better chapter Defright.
Author's Response: To tell you the truth it is very hard to please the people who want a real story and the people who read for other reasons(no further comments about why else they are reading). Sorry I know my writing crude but I hope the longer I keep this going the better I will get.
[Report This]Date: January 13 2013 4:25 AM Title: Deep
Dear Defright,
I am about ready to go out and find that shrinking liquid. Semicolon capital p (*snicker* I make myself laugh. Now I only have to make OTHERS laugh!) But then again, shrinking is VERY dangerous. Then AGAIN, giant toes. ... Hook me up!
Pleased (Not sewually. Get your mind out of the gutters.) reader,
Ghostbuster5
Author's Response: Making you happy makes me happy! Writing is better then reading!
[Report This]Date: January 13 2013 4:11 AM Title: Oh No!
Dear Mr./Ms./Mrs. Defright
One, I have just realized it is hard to tell a person's gender over the computer. Usually I'd make note of it and say it should be able to but... I am afraid of what the computer would have to do to prove a person's gender.
Two, oh my god is this a good story! I have nothing to offer for right now, but I will certainly give you a few pointers when I find it needed.
Ecstatic reader,
Ghostbuster5
[Report This]Date: January 13 2013 4:04 AM Title: Unexpected Behavior
Wow... that was a close call, eh? *chuckles* Poor Luke. Getting sent flying by the equivalent of a speeding car made of... sock can not be pleasant. *sigh* But that lucky sonuvagun. I may not be the one for... THAT but... gosh.
Intrigued reader,
Ghostbuster5
[Report This]Date: January 13 2013 3:42 AM Title: Sophie and Family
Hey there! The Fifth Ghostbuster here! What? Why am I being so friendly? Cause I can, of course! Ahahahahahah! Anyway, love this story so far! Gentle and feet! You really nailed MY two favorites! Anyway, can't wait to see how this story ends!
Your enthusiastic reader,
Ghostbuster5
Author's Response: Wow man(in the context of meaning a person :)) didn't know I had such a good fan. Appreciate all the comments above too. Make me crack up.
Date: January 13 2013 3:16 AM Title: Deep
Some of the paragraphs are too big, otherwsise you're doing ok. I don't actually like insertion but given their friendship it was inevitable. Just split up the larger paragraphs to be more managable and you should be fine.
Author's Response: I knew I should have done that but I could never find the right point.
Date: January 01 2013 9:18 AM Title: Oh No!
A good chapter. The plot twist at the end was unexpected, and I suppose welcome. Hopefully they can find the antidote. You're doing alright as the author. The more you write the more you'll inprove. Come back to a chapter after a few days or weeks and your bound to notice things that you'll want to change.
[Report This]Date: December 31 2012 11:10 PM Title: Unexpected Behavior
Spectacular chapter. The fear displayed by Luke was tremendously believable as was the reaction Sophie displayed. I just loved all the detail that you put in this. An when she said something tomthe fact of making his fantasies come true was incredibly hot.. But now that you said the next chapter will most likely have feet, I can't wait.
aaron
Btw thanks for reviewing my 'story'
[Report This]Date: December 31 2012 10:30 PM Title: Oh No!
Thanks, Defright.
Your story moves along slowly, but it's well done and quite believable (once you accept the shrinking process). When you give it some thought, most would realize that a shrunken person could not survive very long without protection and aid. He/she would either succumb to natural threats and hazards or would become sick from trying to eat scraps of rotting food or other indigestible plant-stuffs. Long-term survival would depend on someone or some group of people who would care for you. This what makes your story so believable.
Now make it more arousing by taking it toward sexual experimentation.
[Report This]Date: December 31 2012 4:26 PM Title: Oh No!
I like plot twist, and this is close. But I like your story so far.
As always, I will say fix spelling, and a good short read.
Good story man.