[Report This]Date: September 02 2014 9:38 PM Title: Chapter 1
like this story so far, fun to read and interesting.
Date: March 15 2014 4:47 AM Title: Chapter 1
It's a good story so far. I've read it twice. The only comment I have is besides grammar, keep writing!
Date: December 15 2012 2:41 PM Title: Chapter 1
This is very good and touching. Hope to read more of this story, keep up good work!
Is sophie a few inches tall compared to the giants?
Author's Response:
yeah i think i described her as about the size of their smallest finger, if i didint i'm sorry i am still editing it :)
Date: December 12 2012 7:24 PM Title: Chapter 1
would love to read more.
Author's Response:
Will be updating very soon been very busy sorry :)
Date: December 07 2012 4:34 PM Title: Chapter 1
Ah! I see what you did there! Nice, definitely more emotive this time around. Good job. I can't wait to see what happens next. It sounds like the parent eating thing is going to be more important to the next chapter now.
one little thing though, due to dialouge changes you forgot to have Sophie mention to the kids her parents were eaten, she just said they died. just a typo.
Author's Response:
Oh your right oopsie i will fix that up too after i post the next story ahahahah thanks again your a huge help!
Date: December 06 2012 11:43 AM Title: Chapter 1
Hey, I've been lurking on the site for a while but I registered just to give you a review! Great story so far. I love stories that attempt to make real characters and storys instead of cheap one- shot porn. Please keep it up!
On the positive side, I love the detail you give about the giants, the way their footsteps shake the ground and their voices boom. That detail really drives home how tiny Sophie is and makes the story fun to read.
My one criticism is the lack of emotion in the charcters. Normally this wouldn't be much of a problem but there is one scene in your story that demanded more emotion. When Sophie told Stella she ate her parents everyones reaction was WAAAY too mild.
That was a HUGE BOMB to drop on everyone. Stellas reaction to that news could have made its own chapter. If shes half as nice as you make her seem she should have been in tears for the rest of the day over that. Yet why was her first reaction to ask why Sophie was so small? That should have dropped to question number ten before the HORROR she should be feeling over that news. Shouldn't Stella have been shocked before the tears would come? Shouldn't she have disbelieved it, at least inquired how it could have happend? The way Stella seemed to get sick and ran out of the room was a nice touch but she got over it way too quickly. How can Stella even look Sophie in the eyes knowing she ATE THE GIRLS PARENTS.
Also why didn't the siblings say anything? should'nt they have been horrified too? Crying and apologizing on their sisters behalf? and why wouldn't they try to confort their sister in her time of sorrow. Instead they kept talking like nothing happened. That was kind of weird.
Finally Sophie herself was way too blase about that. I get that it happened a long time ago and shes forgiven Stella but 1. why would she tell a little girl something that horrible out of the blue, even if they asked, thats kind of cruel and 2. its one thing to have forgiven Stella, its anouther to be comfortable around her. Shouldnt Sophie shudder every time she looks at Stellas tummy, knowing her parents died in there. Should'nt she take a step back eveytime she sees Stella smile, knowing she could fit in that mouth? and 3. Did she really compare the death of her parents to accidentally eating a snail? thats going a bit too far.
In fact Sophie is too at ease around these giant kids. Even though she has "known" them their whole lives I would think it would be kind of scary to be the center of their attention like that.
*whew that was a lot of typing* Anyway thats my 2 cents. Don't take this personally, its just suggestions for improvement. Im rooting for your story.
If you think i'm right you don't have to rewrite your first chapter. Just make chapter number 2 a bit more somber. Maybe make Stella seem a bit depressed, ashamed to meet Sophis eyes. Maybe make her break out crying when questioned. That would be a good time for everyone to express their feelings and a good time to explain exactly what happened to the parents (get a little vore action in there).
Good luck and I hope you keep writting!
Author's Response:
Wow i have never been critised so much it has really opened my eyes! thank you so much, now that you put it that way i am going to rewrite the first chapter i was just going to put up the second one but i think i will rewrite that one to please be patient i will post them both in the next two days thank you so much again i have taken everything you have said into consideration! thank you!!!
Date: December 06 2012 5:42 AM Title: Chapter 1
Most of what your story needs is a bit more description and a prolouge would help I think. What you have is good so far but you need to describe the characters emotion better. You don't want to rush things as for example the characters wouldn't fall in love straight On my profile there is a button that says "contact" (gp there by clicking on my name). That will send me an e-mail. I'm going to be writing the next chapter of my own story this morning but later I'll be free.
Author's Response:
thanks i think that is my problem i get told alot that i rush things i will try and slow it down thanks i will send you an email later its like midnight here lol :)
Date: December 05 2012 6:24 PM Title: Chapter 1
It's a nice start and we all start somewhere so don't be discouraged! I can see you may have been inspired by "The Borrowers". I was actually talking about that story with my friend who is a giantess the other day, funnily enough. She would love to have a family like them living in her house and I wouldn't mind either thinking about it. I would make lots of cookies for them!
I see that before going into the dialouge you have a description of some of the characters. If you're going to do this wouldn't it be better to have a prolouge to introduce everyone and set the scene before we delve into the story, maybe?
One thing I notice is that your story is formatted more like a poem than an actual story. I'm wondering why. If you don't have Microsoft Office on your home computer you can download for free either Libre Office or Open Office and that is better than Notepad which I think you're using.
Your story has lots of potential, and if you want I can help you edit/proofread it your story, so message me if you want. While you think about my offer, you should take a look at the "Writing Tools" section of giantess world. There are lots of useful articles there to help people like you become a better writer.
When you're done with the articles here at giantessworld, Archetype Writing is a good website for writing tips. They have lots of good articles there for authors.
Author's Response:
Thank you very much, i didnt even realize i was writing like a poem but now that you point it out it is sort of like that, i guess i just like writing like that for effects but i can change that, i thoguht about a prologue but canceled it out because i didnt think it would make much sense but i can fix that as well i will give it another go. it would really be awsome if you could help me, i am new on this site and only joined yesterday, i dont know how to message people but i could really use your help, i have microsoft word BTW :)
Date: December 05 2012 5:34 PM Title: Chapter 1
Please review me i am very self concious and i dont alwways think what i am writing is good, if you liked it please tell me and i will continue.