Date: January 28 2020 7:37 AM Title: Chapter 3 now this is really weird
Super Story 👍👍👍
[Report This]Date: December 28 2013 1:16 AM Title: Chapter 4 the training day.
I would really love to see this story continued I really like the concept
Date: December 07 2012 7:34 PM Title: Chapter 3 now this is really weird
I like it :). Great new installment. Keep it up!!!
[Report This]Date: December 07 2012 3:29 PM Title: Chapter 3 now this is really weird
fullmetal alchemist fan hell yea.Greed. Well I guess the alchemist Idea I one way to go lol. In brotherhood Pride turned into a little baby and grew up. Like the story
Author's Response: I know. I got the idea for this chapter while rereading the manga
Date: December 05 2012 7:58 PM Title: Chapter 2 big happy family
This is really good so far! Please update it soon! I can't wait to see what happens next.
Date: December 03 2012 6:01 PM Title: Chapter 2 big happy family
I really like this story so far and I can't wait for more to come. Keep at it!
[Report This]Date: December 02 2012 11:29 PM Title: Chapter 1
I love it so far, definitely add some moments with his mom, Mary, and Sylvia. Maybe some incest (friendly, not forced (as an example read the epilogue of Close by Gheed on this site). I think this story will turn out as one of the better ones on GTSWorld :) keep it up!!!
Date: November 30 2012 1:42 PM Title: Chapter 1
I like the story so far, but I think that you forgot a description of what Silva looks like. I like the character designs because our main characters are similar in appearance, but have completely different attitudes. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: I was gooa describe her appeareance in her own chapter but for those who can't wait: she's a little taller than Jack, has short blonde hair tied up in small pigtails and a kitty face with green eyes
Date: November 30 2012 9:02 AM Title: Chapter 1
The characters looks good. Write more next chapter, please.
Author's Response:
I appreciate your compliment and would like to point out I like your story even better than mine.
Date: November 28 2012 10:56 PM Title: Chapter 1
hold up. as reviewers at least give a helpful review and not give half a freaking star. encourage authors, not by giving the story a shitty rating. thats just my personal opinion
[Report This]Date: November 28 2012 10:02 PM Title: Chapter 1
I have to agree with the previous reviewer that some structural tidying is definitely in order. Just because it's a fetish story doesn't mean it's not easier to read with those things in place. In general, though, some more development on this might not hurt. It's an okay premise but you jump into things a little too bluntly, just giving the information rather than showing it through believable characters. Try blending those elements into clear dialogue rather than just giving it like a school report. This is just a start, and you're a new writer, so I'm inclined to give this the benefit of the doubt, but I'd definitely suggest some more work on future chapters.
Author's Response: As a fan of your a little blackmail storys i appreciate not only your advice but also the fact that you bothered reading the story. But please keep in mind im new at this so keep track please. It will get better I promise
[Report This]Date: November 28 2012 8:01 PM Title: Chapter 1
Paragraphs, spacing after the end of a sentence, and separating character dialogue are your friends. (It would be nice, just saying...)
Author's Response:
Date: November 28 2012 12:54 PM Title: Chapter 1
potential. I want to read whts next.
Author's Response: Dont worry.the shrinking will happen in the next chapter which will be longer and better and im going to upload it on friday