Date: November 28 2012 4:17 AM Title: Chapter 5
Rather than have some bits in first person and most of it in 3rd person why not have it all one way or all the other way? It seems odd the way you've written it and I've not really read anything like this before.
Author's Response:
I'll try to keep that in mind, but I tried to get the audience to see how the other characters see the situation. I also tried something new with adding in thought to show how the character was thinking at any certain point. As to the last part of your review, I done know if that is a good or bad thing. Anyways thanks for your response and I'll keep writing as long as people review this.
Date: November 28 2012 12:54 AM Title: Chapter 5
Great job so far. Can't wait for more.
Though, I'd suggest that you just read over what you write before posting because might find some little errors that you can fix.
Can't wait to see how Ashley reacts to see Randall knocked out (over protective and beast out at Jason maybe, or frantic and gets him aid quickly)
Author's Response:
I'll try to look over the chapters some more when I put them out, but I was in a hurry last night so sorry. The story might seem slow to most, but trust me you will get your full answer in 3 to 4 chapters from now. Thanks for the tips and reviewing my work!