[Report This]Date: February 06 2012 5:20 PM Title: So it begins.
This story is awesomesauce. In fact I registered here purly for the sake of writing this comment to you and tell you to keep it up!
Only story to line up perfectly w/ my fantisies, normally other ppl take shrunken toilet stuff farther than I like (dislike scat) or the pissing part is just a minor part of it.
My only complaint would be a lack of description and sometimes its difficult to follow certain parts w/o having to read it a few times.
Wouldnt mind helping add to this story some if you're ok w/ that OR feel free to steal from/add to some of my own ideas here: http://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/3nder
Would be nice to see:
Guy wakes up in mid of night horny, wants to have some fun so he shrinks himself w/o waking her up and starts to have fun w/ her and she ends up joining in (in her sleep) giving him more than he'd bargand for. Along w/ wetting the bed and unkowningly pissing all over him.
(Unaware stuff is awesome in general really)
The part w/ the twins in the BR was particullarly good, maybe revist w/ them parhaps as a party (alcohol is a duretic after all) in which ends up someone shrunk and dropped into an empty glass alcohol bottle and they take turns pissing in it.
Go along w/ what you ended w/ maybe Tanya pisses on Alex to get revenge for making her cum at work etc
Idk, just some thoughts. Hope it helps! Really like your style and work so keep it up [:
Author's Response:
I've read your stuff, you do it pretty well. I've got something going and am doing a couple of other requests for the next few chapters(writer's block though), but I'll definitely visit the party idea.
[Report This]Date: February 04 2012 4:49 PM Title: So it begins.
Not exactly my cup of tea, but from what you have here it seems like someone who IS into this sort of thing would enjoy it. The characters are decently fleshed out, though I'd say using different language when describing things would make it a much more pleasant read. For example, having a female character who's a tomboy is A-Ok, lots of people like that sort of thing, but it gets a bit iffy when she gets described as having a male-ness to her looks. That tends to conjure up images of women with a 5 o' clock shadow, which I'm assuming was not your intent. Other than that, one thing that helps me a lot is to keep a thesaurus on hand to vary up your word choice, and keep things more interesting. While still not my thing, you do seem to know your way with writing a lot better than a lot of things I've read, and should keep working on it.
Author's Response:
I was trying to hit on a sort of androgyny that bordered on masculinity, but yeah. I can get that. And I do plan to keep working, just reading around right now to see what works in certain scenes and what doesn't.
[Report This]Date: January 24 2012 10:07 PM Title: So it begins.
Enjoyable story! The characters are pretty nice as well. I don't have any suggestions but keep on going with the pace you're at. Simple and entertaining.
Author's Response:
Thanks! I always like feedback :D