[Report This]Date: February 19 2024 12:21 AM Title: The Rematch
Wow. What a way to cement Jake as a real piece-of-shit villain.
That dude is straight up disgusting. Between dumping and ditching his girlfriend and what he tried to do to poor Lily, that guy is really easy to hate. His jerky demeanor was pulled off pretty well, too. I'm curious if he realizes that the shrinking wears off eventually. I mean, his ex probably is going to still have issues with him when she grows back, and I'm pretty sure Mike's going to beat the shit out of him. Maybe he's just too drunk to care (I'm kind of getting the vibe that this is just how he is, though).
You've really nailed the theme of the careless college kids not really understanding or even noticing what their smaller counterparts are going through. The way they all left Chloe and Mike on the table themselves, not even considering how easily someone could just take them, fit this pretty well, and the two tinies' reaction to it really made that point hit home. Also, the way Mia worded the distinction between "normal-sized people" and "tinies" was casual, subtle, and just a tad bit chilling (as Mike noted). I don't think she meant anything by it, but the subconscious divide is certainly something the you can't blame the littles for worrying about.
And also, the fact that the tinies had to drink the jungle juice because the big people didn't want to shrink shows this as well. It was a given that the bigs weren't going to shrink themselves, but they wanted to use the juice, so let's just make the tinies smaller. It's not like they could just pour a very small amount of beer from one of their cups in there or anything. I wonder whose idea that was to use the juice in the first place ...
Oh, and I love how my girl Chloe completely outsmarted Mike. That was pretty slick, and I'm liking her character more and more, even though she's only been in the last two chapters.
I like that we got to see both the worst and best in Mike and Lilly this chapter, and you were able to bring that out in understandable ways.
Lily dunking Mike and basically making him shrink was really shitty of her and it surprised me a little bit, but it makes sense that Jake would bring out the worst in her (even indirectly so) and that she would feel guilty about doing it. I also think its telling that Mike was so upset by the betrayal that he didn't even focus on the humiliation aspect of what happened (even though Jake did). We've all found ourselves doing out of character things for stupid reason before (or at least I have), so it was believable that Lily would do this, even if she hasn't been that way up until this point in the story.
Of course, Lily's true nature wins out in the end, when she refused to abandon Mike despite wanting Jake's dick all night and when she was willing to suck that creep's dick in order to save Mike. She's a sweet person, and while she did one bad (but probably not too terrible, at least from her perspective) thing to Mike to impress Jake, she wasn't going to be neglectful or cruel to her friend just to get the guy she wants.
She also could have just asked someone else to watch Mike for her, but I think she knew he wouldn't be comfortable with anyone else, so she ultimately put him and his situation first. It was a small thing, but the fact that Lily correct herself when she called Chloe and him tinies to say "person," despite the fact that Mike never vocalized how uncomfortable and dehumanizing it was when Mia said it, seems to show that they're on the same wavelength, so I don't think it's crazy to assume Lily could intuit Mike's feelings on that.
So yeah, the sweet, lovable Lily won out in the end, and that little darkness from her along the way made it all the more rewarding.
As for Mike, I think his extremely brief thought that Lily might deserve whatever Jake would later do to her was pretty natural. Again, I think we all think of terrible things in the heat of the moment (again, I hope I'm not just outing myself here) and then immediately regret them. He was justifiably pissed not just at what she did to him but that she did it to him (like I said before, it felt like a small betrayal of trust), but wanting her to be taken advantage of by a predator was out of character for him as well, and he reined that shit in real quick.
He just focused on the game and even gave her a high-five like everything was cool after that, putting the whole thing behind him. This showed that Mike is actually a good dude and really cares about Lily. It would have been really easy to hang on to that anger, but he let go of it because of his feelings for her. That's certainly a big contrast from self-centered Jake.
Mike being willing to stand up for Lily and put himself at risk was a big moment for him. It removes any doubt that behind that stereotypical jock exterior (like Jake), he's actually a good person who looks out for the people he cares about, and it was good to see. Also, I'm a big fan of tinies not being useless and finding ways to come through in the clutch, so I really enjoyed Mike's display of heroics.
I'm guessing it'll be pretty fun to see where these two go from here (they've got to be pretty close to getting past the friends barrier at this point, I would think). I can only imagine the kind of things Lily could do with a pocket-sized Mike.
And I was really glad to see Amy show some concern for Mike's safety. We haven't seen much of her, but from what time we have spent with her, she's been so focused on either her research or having fun that I was starting to wonder if she even cared if something happened to one of her shrunken schoolmates. The fact that she realized that something could have happened and was worried about it, even if expressed only through a single line of dialogue, lets us know that her seemingly indifference to the fates of the tinies (especially when she ghosted Evan and Sara after revealing how small he was going to get) is really just her having a carefree spirit and not thinking things through (which fits the standard college kid profile pretty well), as opposed to being some kind of mad scientist-type (I know she didn't invent the shrinxel, but I would have called it close enough if she would have fit the part otherwise).
This story continues to be a fun, light-hearted one with just enough seriousness to keep things tense at times. I look forward to seeing what you've got planned next.
And if you do happen to get the time to check out Roomies, I'd love to hear your thoughts on what I have so far.
[Report This]Date: February 14 2024 10:52 PM Title: The Rematch
Another great addition! I do love the inclusion of SW in the story. I hope there is more of an overview and exploration of some of the different sizes present at the party as well as the fun people are having.
I also hope we see some instances of some girls who have overdone it... maybe to their own enjoyment?
[Report This]Date: February 11 2024 1:20 PM Title: Sara's Bedroom
Absolutely loving this so far! Hints of teasing mixed in with building the characters as people.makes the story so much better! Excited to see the next installment!
Author's Response:
Thank you!
[Report This]Date: February 11 2024 3:42 AM Title: Sara's Bedroom
This was a really rewarding chapter.
I love that Sara was so shy about asking Evan out. She has been assertive, playful, and even a little flirty throughout the story so far and even isn't afraid to scold Evan when she's worried about him. So it's nice to see that she had just as much of a fear of being rejected as he did, and that her feeling that way seemingly contradicts her regular personality helps to highlight how much she likes him.
Also, Evan's admission that the reason he drank all that jungle juice was to build up the courage to ask Sara out is kind of poetic. Not only did it bring them together, as he pointed out, but, in a way, he's kind of shrinking for her. Hmm, I wonder if she'll take advantage of that?
And I really like how Evan is now taking this whole situation in stride. Pretty much as soon as Sara offered to take care of him for the night, all of that initial shock and fear seemed to melt away. Suddenly, he's feeling prideful (not accepting help up the stairs) and a little adventurous (exploring the girls' shoes). Not only is he crushing on her, but he naturally trusts her a lot as well. That shows that his feelings for her are more than skin deep.
Oh, and Sara getting Evan off with her foot and not even realizing it was an incredible scene!
I absolutely love Chloe! What a fun character. As soon as she realized that she wasn't the only one shrinking, she it seemed like she was ready to enjoy the experience. With her showing a kink for being dominated, I'm pretty eager to see Mia, who seemed to enjoy the power she had over Mike (even if she's actually pretty nice), get her turn to play with the volleyball captain.
I don't know if we're sticking around in Sara's room or if we're joining Mike, Lily, and company for beer pong next chapter, but either way, it should be a lot of fun!
Author's Response:
Thank you again for the review!
There were two things I was worried about for this chapter when I put it out initially... the romance of Evan/Sara and the foot scene. I'm happy to hear both seemingly turned out well.
In regards to Chloe--she was originally not supposed to show up until later... but somehow adding her here felt right. I also enjoyed her character so much I've added a chapter to my outline to give her a little more spotlight.
As far where we're going next--I'll let that be a surprise for now. (But you've guessed the 'where' for the next two chapters.)
(Also! I saw you wrote a story. It's on my to do list to it check out!)
[Report This]Date: January 29 2024 3:42 PM Title: The Real Party Begins
I absolutely love shrinking sorority fun! I hope we see some irresponsible shrinking going way overboard (super tiny, like nanoscopic!)
I also hope we see some ladies getting shrunk!
Author's Response:
Thank you!
The next chapter is more focused on Evan/Sara, but I assure you there are plenty of shrunken ladies at the party as well. (You've already met one of them, but there will be others as well.)
[Report This]Date: January 28 2024 12:44 AM Title: The Real Party Begins
Of all of questions in my last review, ice-to-drink ratio is something I didn't think of. The differing cup sizes is also something I didn't consider. I thought Mike was probably going to get smaller because he drank all of those cups in beer pong, but Evan was drinking from a bigger cup the whole time.
You always seem to nail down little details like that in your stories. I really enjoy that.
And I think Mike being the bigger of our two protagonists is definitely the right way to go. At his current size, he's still getting humbled but can still communicate, which I think he needs to do to move things forward with Lily (he might not know he wants that yet, but I think he does). Evan and Sara really just need to see each other as less intimidating, and her seeing him so vulnerable and him seeing her as his protector will likely take care of that.
I found it interesting that Sara thought of Evan as just as unapproachable as he did her. It helps show just how into him she is, since she's nervous around him, too, which breaks plenty of nerd/sorority girl stereotypes. The way she gets mad at him for not knowing how to drink was pretty cute, too.
As for Mike, this chapter confirmed for me that he's a decent dude under that jock exterior. Jake showing up helped with that, especially when he hit on Lily while showing off his tiny soon to be ex-girlfriend. That's what a real douche looks like. While Mike likes to sleep around, I don't get the vibe that he dies that when he's actually seeing someone.
Lily backing up Mike's butt joke to Mia made it seem a tad less chauvinistic and helped show why Lily and Mike are friends at the same time. She shares his sense of humor and doesn't get offended easily. I also like that Lily went right into teasing mode when she realized Mia knew what was happening (which she took to mean Mike would be fine) but slips into the comforting protector role when she sees he's scared rather than annoyed. Her teasing is as good-natured as his has always been and like him, I think, she'll stop if things feel too serious.
I also got the impression that those two haven't dated or slept together yet. The light-hearted player finding real love standing next to him the whole time is a classic, satisfying theme, and I look forward to seeing if that's how things play out here.
Mia showing off her dominant side one minute, then worrying about sitting on Mike and being embarrassed the next made her quite likable to me. I wasn't sure what to think about Amy and Mia in chapter one, but now I think she's a pretty fun character.
Amy was pretty interesting here as well. Her excitement was contagious, which made her fun. However, she was obviously incredibly reckless, especially when she's not 100 percent sure when everyone will grow back.
Not only that, but her assurance that people would have to try to hurt a tiny in order to actually has a major flaw: what I'd a big actually wants to hurt a tiny. And in an environment where not many people are going to be thinking clearly, it wouldn't even take a malicious big to hurt someone, just a drunk one that thought it would be funny. Her reaction to finding out Evan was going to become a dust mite was also pretty bad, excitement and abandonment.
She really should have taken some precautions before doing this, but she's also just a college student, so it makes sense that she didn't think things through. And given the tone of the story so far, I'm sure things will turn out fine, with no serious incident. Still, I thought this was worth noting.
And did I read that right? People are playing King's Cup and the losers have to drink the jungle juice, even though they know drinking it will shrink them? Those are some high stakes!
This was a fun chapter, and it was great to see the relationships between our four main characters continue to develop. I look forward to seeing where you go from here.
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!
I think you've pretty much nailed it as far as what I was going for with these characters. It makes me happy to know that it comes through in my writing!
(And yes, King's Cup has very high stakes! When I was in college, it was one of my favorite scenarios.)
Stay tuned, I've started working on the next chapter... I hope to have it out soon!
[Report This]Date: January 27 2024 4:11 AM Title: The Party at Delta Phi
If great story hope this continues
Author's Response:
Thank you,
I've already started on the next chapter, so please look forward to it!
[Report This]Date: January 21 2024 7:13 PM Title: The Party at Delta Phi
It's great to see you back at it again, and this one seems like much lighter fair than your last story, too, which should make for a nice change of pace, I would think.
I like how it was hinted at that Lily and Sara were in on the shrinking shenanigans, only to find out that they had no idea. The way Lily asked Mike to do all the drinking for their team made me instantly assume this was a trick to get Mike tiny, but her surprise and Mia's need to explain what's happening make it pretty clear this was just a coincidence.
The same thing is true with Sara warning Evan about laying off the jungle juice. That "Just remember I warned you" sounded like the teasing of someone who knows what's about to happen, but her reaction to Evan's shrinking would imply that this, too was a coincidence.
I think part of the reason I like this is that it sort of led readers to believe that both girls were part of something mischievous (or maybe even sinister), only to reveal that they're just as in the dark as the boys themselves. This probably bodes well for the roommates, and probably means that this story will, at the very least, have some gentle elements to it (I kind of like that the tagging for this is vague; despite this being a popular scenario in this fetish, I really have no idea where you're going to go with this). That's what I'm pulling for, anyway. The relationship between shrinking and sororities is pretty infamous (or incredible, depending on what you're into) within this fetish, so it might be nice to see a different take on this scenario this time (although, if this thing does go this route, I'm probably still going to be pretty into it, honestly).
Of course, Mike is obviously going to have to deal with the payback of constantly ripping on Lily's shortness as he goes down, a classic but always fun trope to play with. Mike himself seems like he might be a good dude, once you get past all of that douchey jock energy. I really think he was trying to help Evan out by dragging him to the party, even if it was a dick move to ditch him.
This experience might be the sort of humbling Mike needs to grow up a bit.
And, of course, this also presents the perfect opportunity for Sara and Evan to bond. From what little we've seen, she does seem to genuinely care about him, as she noticed him enough to realize that Mike ditched him when they first got there. It'll be interesting to see just how into him she really is.
We know even less about Mia and Amy so far, but they seem pretty tight. It sounds like the shrinking serum was added to the jungle juice as part of some sort of trial run for her mom's company, and Mia already being clued in on that means she's probably pretty trusted by her friend.
I also like that these two give off slight "opposites attract" vibes (not necessarily in a romantic sense, but generally). Amy is clearly a little shy until she gets some alcohol in her, and Mia shows a lot more confidence (on a side note, I think you had a little mix up where you called Mia Amy during their introductions to Mike). I'm curious to where, if anywhere, that dynamic goes.
But once again, I'm impressed by your ability to make me care about these characters, despite us not knowing much about them yet. In a pretty short amount of time and without having them really do anything special, they all already feel like unique characters, and I find myself rooting for Mike, Lily, Evan, and Sara, even though I'm not even sure what the best outcome for each of them actually is yet (I mean, I've got some ideas, but I don't actually know enough to know if what seems obvious actually is yet)!
I also find myself wondering how the shrinking serum works. Will the amount of it that's consumed dictate how small someone gets? We know Mike drank a lot of it, but we don't really know how much Evan drank past those first two cups. Or does the serum buck that trend and work a different way entirely? Even if this is a lighter story than Micro Cities, I'm sure you probably have all of those specific details worked out already. It's hard to turn that attention to detail off, after all!
And, obviously, the biggest question that will need answered is whether those shrunk will be able to grow back, but based on the way the story summary was worded, I've got a feeling that this is a temporary situation for the guys.
Finally, I'm curious as to whether Amy, Mia, and whoever else (if anyone) involved in this shrinking have taken any safety precautions for the shrinkees. Surely Mike and Evan weren't the only two people to drink the juice, and having that many people running around (especially at some of the sizes tagged for the story), it's going to be pretty hard to keep track of everybody. Then again, maybe the serum wears off itself and makes tinies more "durable." Or maybe Amy and company don't really care about these people. There's several possibilities here.
Again, it's good to jump into another one of your stories, and this is a great start!
Author's Response:
Thank you!
Sorry it took so long to get a new story out... I had tried to make this story only one chapter at around 6000 words, but hated every draft I wrote. So I finally settled on just letting this one take up however much space it needs. :)You're right, this story will be a lighter, more carefree, fun story. I won't say much more for now, though!