[Report This]Date: February 12 2024 10:54 PM Title: Ylid Pt 1
The description of how Martin connected directly to Tenebris' senses from within her rectum was cool. I love the specific details of how her emulated voice sounds different because there's no breathing involved and the stuff about actual eyesight being different from how a person's brain processes it. Little things like that are a pleasant reminder of how smartly written this story is (sometimes too smart for me lol, but that's very much a good thing).
Also loved Martin noticing a small scar on Tenebris' butt. Like, it's such a minor thing to point out, but it feels fitting that he'd make note of it anyway.
Also loving bodily orifices fulfilling their true purpose of storing and carrying tinies. Always a good time and somehow less grotesque than living flesh elevators.
The conflict between the two leads and Tenebris' continuous internal conflict continues to be engaging and I'm excited to see where things go from here.
[Report This]Date: January 28 2024 10:22 PM Title: Ylid Pt 1
>Don’t even know what to call the smut in this chapter
Call it excellent, because that's what it is.
Author's Response:
Fuckin' A right
[Report This]Date: January 15 2024 9:10 PM Title: Edo
The station being made of enamel, and all the structures on Edo being constructed of living biomaterials like an oversized, Cronenberg monstrosity is disgusting. I love it.
Your environmental descriptions are always stellar, but I think that really shone through this chapter. All the different "technologies" and the living organs they paralleled to were ingenious (seriously love the enamel corridors, cricket legs used to reproduce phonemes into actual language, lips that open into a flesh elevator in a membrane network of a city). For me, it went far beyond body-horror and circled around into body wonder.
That scene between Tenebris and Martin is the sauna was fabulous. I loved drugged out Martin trying to console Tenebris that it's okay to sell him, don't feel bad lol. Her lines were really good there, and I liked the examination of justice and morality as "junk data" left over from an earlier stage in human evolution.
The wrinkle introduced towards the end is interesting (oh, and I fucking love hind mind government ruining the world). I'm excited to see where things go from here.
Author's Response:
I'm so happy you enjoyed it! It was so exciting trying to think of interesting biotech, and seeing that it is appreciated is honestly like Christmas morning. I'm actually a bit embarrassed to admit I'd never heard of David Cronenberg before your review, but after looking him up, I'm ecstatic to check his stuff out.
I have a bunch more technologies that I want to spew out, so I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts when the next chapter (or two) roll around.
The sauna scene was also a real tough one to work out for plot reasons, but I'm glad it turned out to still be a fun one. The morality thing was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment thing, but I was really proud of it and it helped me to really hone in on how to go about the rest of the story (up until that point it'd only been a bunch of ideas and setpieces).
As for the wrinkle, while it felt a bit convenient when I was writing it, I think it'll make for a great excuse to explore more of Edo, especially the Cabinet. I'm happy you like the hive-mind stuff, it was an idea that'd been banging around my head ever since I read Echopraxia (another Peter Watts book, I dickride him often), and it was a ton of fun getting to put it into a story.
I always get so excited whenever you drop a review.
[Report This]Date: January 13 2024 4:45 AM Title: Edo
Wow! This is a seriously good story so far! I love the way you describe the biotechnology! Can't wait for the next chapter
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! I'm having a ton of fun coming up with the tech, so it's awesome that you like it!
Date: January 12 2024 11:17 PM Title: Humble beginnings pt 1
Very in depth execution of a premise that can be complex to write about. I’m loving the story so far!
Author's Response:
That's awesome to hear! I'm really glad you like it. Doing the worldbuilding has been (and continues to be) such a blast for me.
[Report This]Date: October 26 2023 9:01 PM Title: Guyen Station Pt 2
Another good chapter. It was neat focusing on Tenebris' perspective this time, and getting a closer look at how she interacts with her technology. I think Martin's POV might work better for the "fish outta water" effect, especially when entering new locations, as well as depicting differences in scale (whether that's to benefit the narrative or the smut), since everything looks way bigger for him, but it would be intriguing to flip between different perspectives for different chapters if that's what you're inclined to do.
I'm enjoying the dynamic between our protags: Tenebris growing attached to Martin while still adamant in selling him off, and Martin very much not wanting to be sold to someone for obvious and justified reasons. Her allowing him to veto on a sale leads to some fun interactions, and it'll be interesting to see the offers made to her in the future. I doubt Martin's going to find any potential buyer agreeable, and there's probably going to be an offer too good for Tenebris to refuse, so I'm looking forward to how this dynamic continues to play out.
As for the format, I prefer the wider spacing between paragraphs in the prior chapters. Here, it's near impossible to distinguish one paragraph from the next (I read with the text zoomed in a bunch, so that could be on me) and it all looks like a huge wall of text. If you want to keep the narrower spacing, I'd at least suggest indenting at the start of each paragraph, just so there's someway to tell when a new one starts (or when someone else starts speaking) beyond seeing the white space where the last sentence ended.
Excited to see Edo and whatever hijinks ensue there!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for all the advice, it really is phenomenal. I just went in and added indents to all the paragraphs so hopefully that'll help make it more readable. Thanks for the perspective stuff too, I will take that into great consideration.
[Report This]Date: September 30 2023 5:37 AM Title: Guyen Station Pt 1
Ok, so by very soon, you meant very soon. I guess I should've waited a few hours lol.
I would agree that this is your best prose yet. The descriptions of Martin waking up from the cryochamber were really vivid, as well as the entire Guyen Station. I could see myself walking through it just as the characters did, and that's some impressive detailing there! And though this was a smut light chapter, the changing room and motel scenes were both certifiably tantalizing.
This chapter's ending made me realize how clever the heat/metabolism relationship is in regards to getting Martin into smutty positions, so kudos on setting that up. So yeah, this chapter just further reinforces my excitement for more. Great work!
Author's Response:
Your review just gave me the little jolt I needed to finish it up. Again, I am so very happy you are enjoying this series. I intended for this chapter to be a short one, but it ended up being nearly as long as all of the chapters before it combined, which is awesome. Next chapter will continue in the same way as this one, and by then we’ll be on our way to Edo
[Report This]Date: September 29 2023 9:21 PM Title: Humble Beginnings Pt 2
While I'll admit that a lot of the tech/sci-fi stuff goes right over my head (not your fault, it just isn't my field), these first two chapters were really engaging and the concepts you're using are clearly well thought out / researched. The plot has me hooked.
The down on his luck, blue collar worker begrudgingly teaming up with the crook kidnapping him is a fun dynamic, and I'm excited to see where you take these characters. Martin being tricked into crawling into his coworkers' orifices is a particularly funny detail. The pang of guilt Tenebris feels at the end of chapter 2, along with how polite and gentle she was washing Martin in the sink, is an interesting wrinkle to her otherwise callous character that we'll likely see developed on over the course of the story.
A cool thing with space fiction is the infinite potential of the settings and characters, especially when size stuff is involved. Looking forward to seeing this universe fleshed out through our protagonists journey!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much for the review! I’m honoured that you read my story, and I’m ecstatic you enjoyed it. Next chapter should be up very soon, and I hope you enjoy it just as much, if not more.
[Report This]Date: September 23 2023 1:18 PM Title: Humble Beginnings Pt 2
If it's not too much to ask, could you include a simple illustration of the station? I'd appreciate it very much, as I was a bit lost at the bulkhead bit :P
Author's Response:
Sure! I’ll probably put it into the story for other people with the same problem. If it doesn’t format well enough for my liking, I’ll link it in the end notes.
[Report This]Date: September 19 2023 2:27 PM Title: Humble Beginnings Pt 2
Nice setup so far. Didn’t know about the blue anus. I may use that in one of my stories. You’re right, the more you know the better you can write and keep it in the realm of semi believable.
[Report This]Date: September 12 2023 9:45 PM Title: Humble beginnings pt 1
Good to see you back! I'm hoping that our pair will grow to enjoy one another's company over the course of some adventures, but we'll see what happens. Good start overall!
[Report This]Date: September 12 2023 2:42 PM Title: Humble beginnings pt 1
You have my attention! Keep up the good writing.
Author's Response:
Glad you enjoyed it! Second chapter should be out soon.