Date: October 24 2022 5:01 PM Title: Chapter 3 - Preliminary Screening [September 29th, 2005]
Some very interesting build up here for the rest of the story, and I love how detailed you worked in the whole information exchangd (she sounds like a genuine research professor). Looking forward to ch4!
Author's Response:
Some of the best praise I/she could receive. Thank you!
Date: October 24 2022 4:23 PM Title: Chapter 3 - Preliminary Screening [September 29th, 2005]
Nitpicking as usual...
"hear it is" (what's wrong with Vermont btw? I'm Italian and I have no idea if I'm missing anything)
"Its too embarassing"
(not sure how Dr Walker resisted the temptation to say "no, not people, only males")
"subjects" vs Participants - I like to believe she thinks in uppercase/lowercase
That switch from "participants" to "Participants"... did I mention how much I love Dr. Walker? Recently?
"Whoa, a Participant ..." - I like that Becca is going uppercase as well :D
"Both the subject and participant would experience an increase in compensation" is the only deletion where I'm not sure, but ok.
I hope you realize that I'll be pester you to write something about both some of the subjects who do 24 hours only, as well as the story of the 1st subject, the one who let them learn the hard way (is it Mrs Romero's?); you're basically digging your own grave with all these details ;=)
Author's Response:
Thanks as always for the detailed look and I appreciate your noticing of the changes! Vermont was removed simply because it seemed like too many states for just one intern to manage and just one less detail the reader feels like they may need to remember for later (which they do not).
The revisions and omissions you pointed out here are all deliberate and will hopefully have nice payoffs over the next few chapters, the one about the deletion being particularly subtle. That one will be coming when Dr. Walker and Becca first meet.
Mrs. Romero and her subject are the very first Participant/subject pairing in the R&R Universe. Her story is a commission presently under development and as of right now, there are about 4 chapters worth of content written. It'll be posting that story once these others are caught up. I've been brainstorming ideas for the 24-hour Participant but honestly I'm having a hard time coming up with entertaining and believable reasons why a woman would turn down that money. Send me an email or reach out on Discord if you have any ideas!