The Incredible Shrinking Sacrastic Man

by

D the B

This story will have 7 chapters


Chapter 1: Visiting my Mother-In-Law

A 43 year old man named Robert Billings has a happy life. He has a wife who is 40 named Maria. He has 3 children, the oldest one being Catherine who is 12. The next one was a boy named Richard, he is 8 years old. The youngest one was the baby Gerald who was 2 years old. Robert mysteriously shrinks after a visit to his mother-in-law.

(Robert narrates)
This story starts with the Billings' planning their vacation. My wife Maria said, "We are having a hard time deciding where to go for our vacation. Where would you like to go kids??" Catherine said, "I'd love to go to beachy Florida." Richard said, "I think that we should go to Maine." Kate said, "FLORIDA!!" Rick said, "MAINE!!" My 2 kids started to fight. I said, "OK, so we can't decide on where we are going. This is great. So it looks like we are probably not going to go on a family vacation this year." All of a sudden, my baby Gerald murmured, "Arkansas." Maria said, "OH THAT IS A GREAT IDEA!! LET'S ALL GO TO ARKANSAS TO VISIT MY MOTHER!!!"

I just said, "Great, vacation paradise. I'm so excited. Hey, do you guys want to see the bird-lady." Kate said, "Yea, Grandma always has good stuff." Rick said, "Grandma really needs us, she's all alone in that small log cabin." I said, "Don't worry, I'm sure Grandma loves her log cabin that I bought with my money!! Because Uncle Samuel claimed he didn't have the money to buy his mother's house. So I had to do all the work!!!" Maria said, "I got an even better idea!! Why don't we take a family road trip, you know take the car down to Arkansas!!" I said, "Wouldn't it be better if we took a plane. It would be faster. Oh, I get it!! A family road trip, a nice trip from Springfield, Illinois to Little Rock, Arkansas. This would be a nice trip. I would have a fun time with my favorite family!!"

So my family and I went off to Arkansas. I checked on the internet that the trip was around 500 miles. And to make things all better for my trip to my mother-in-law's house. I got to be the person driving the car. We left at 10:00 A.M, I wanted to drive at 30 miles per hour. But my wife insisted that we go faster, so we can get to our destination as soon as possible.

It was 6:00 P.M, so we finally made it Mother-In-Law's house. What I didn't know was that something very terrible was going to happen. (I had a feeling terrible things would happen already.)

I said, "I will take all your bags in, wow it's so much fun taking bags in!!" The real reason I was doing this was so I could keep my freedom for a few extra minutes. My son and I had small bags, just with our necessities. But my wife and daughter, I think they took a little more than what they needed. My daughter's bag was so heavy, but I just said to myself, "It's better carrying these bags, then having to spend time with that mean witch lady."

I finally made it in. She squawked (literally squawked, if you watch Jimmy Neutron, just think of the teacher Ms. Fowl for comparsion), "I know what your'e thinking I'm going to say, but this is the best house ever. This log cabin is very nice for a widow!!"

I said nothing. Her name by the way is Ellie. Ellie said, "I made everyone's favorite food, oysters!!" Maria loves oysters, so she was eager. Rick likes oysters. Kate didn't like oysters. I hated oysters!!! My family had a bad experience with oysters, when my dog got food poisoning from oysters when I was a little kid. The dog was survived, but after that my parents never got oysters ever again, and mention a lot on how bad tasting oysters were. I said, "Wow oysters. I think these oysters aren't just oysters. They are a gift from God!!"

Ellie said, "You are just way too sarcastic, you understand that. Some day, your sarcasm will not work in this world."

I said, "Wow, and you think you know everything." Ellie mentioned, "I'm a psychic. I see your future tearing into tiny little pieces. One day your family will stop noticing you. I'm sorry but your life expectancy is quite low!!"
I just said, "Wow, hey look everyone. Grandma Ellie is a psychic!! She can predict the future." Ellie just snickered and said, "Eat your oysters."
I said, "I don't have to eat my oysters. I'm a grown man!! If I starve here, that's fine." Ellie said, "Drink your apple juice then."
I said, "Fine, this apple juice looks a little odd."
Ellie said, "You are a picky eater."
I said, "Strangely enough, I'm only picky when here!! How come everyone else's apple juice looks normal. While mine looks odd, I don't think I should listen to strangers."
Ellie said, "JUST DRINK THE APPLE JUICE NOW!! (SQUAWKING SOUND)"
I said, "Okay, okay!! I'll drink the apple juice." I drank it. I have just made a terrible mistake.
We spent a week over at my mother-in-law's. Then we drove back.

Maria said, "That was the best trip to my mother's ever."
Kate said, "Why do we have to leave now?? This was a much better idea for Spring Break than Florida."

I noticed something strange though. When we got home, I realized that I was now 5'8 instead of 6'0. I was now the same height as my wife. I knew that apple juice looked too weird. My mother-in-law I think shrunk me.


Chapter 2: I'm not adjusting!!

It has been a whole week ever since I was shrunk. I was now 4'10. I was now smaller than my daughter Kate!! I couldn't believe this was happening, oh so gradually.

I said, "That's it. I'm going to the doctor to find about what exactly is happening to me!!" So I went to my doctor, Dr. Perry. Being I was suspicious about the apple juice my mother-in-law gave me. I decided to go see how she contanimated the drink!!

Dr. Perry was never a tall man. He was always kind of short at 5'1. Now he is taller than me. He seemed surprised when he saw me small. He knew that it was me (this guy is a joking kind of guy), but he said, "Hello there. Where is your mother???" I just said, "Very funny. You obviously recgonize me as your patient Robert J. Billings." Dr. Perry said, "Yes I do. But how did you become so small." I said, "My sweet mother-in-law I think made a boo-boo with her apple juice."

Dr. Perry said, "I recgonize that sarcasm. I can test this apple juice to see if any hormones were used. I'm also a scientist who studied chemistry, I think I can help you with your little problem. This is personal!! You may not know this, but I'm related to Scott Carey."

I said, "You mean, Scott Carey, the one that mysteriously shrunk. That's just a movie. Quit with the jokes, doc!!"

Dr. Perry said, "He was my mother's brother. It was a shame. He died at such a young age too. But all for we know, he could still be alive today. Smaller than an atom, smaller than an electron, smaller than a..."

I just had to scream. Dr. Perry tested the apple juice. He said, "This apple juice did shrink you indeed. But your mother-in-law may have been slightly generous. She didn't put that much radiation in it, meaning you are going to shrink until you reach one inch. At least you are not going to be like Uncle Scott. Sigh."

I said, "Wow!! I'm going to be one inch. This is great doc!! Where there are many perils in the world, I will be food to my baby, an action figure to my son, a servant to my daughter, and well my wife has more sense to still treat me as her husband. I still probably will die."

Dr. Perry said, "Don't worry. I'm sure your wife will take good care of you, and your kids will take excellent care of you!!!"

I still felt like I wasn't adjusting. An inch was terrible, but it wasn't as bad as shrinking forever I guess. Well I woke up the next day, I saw my wife cooking meatloaf. I was now 4'8.

She said, "The lucky thing is that I'm not shrinking too!!"

I said, "Wow, first of all, meatloaf wow!!! Also, that's a really inspring sentence to say about my problems. "Gee, the lucky thing is that I'm not shrinking too!!" Maria, I thought you understood my problems!!"

Maria said, "I'm sorry for saying that. It's just how I feel!!" For the next week everything was fine. A week later, I noticed I was 3 1/2 feet. For 15 days, I have been shrinking. I realized that very soon, I was going to be so small that I could fit in Gerald's hand. I shivered at the thought. Maria, Kate, and Rick were much taller than me, and as we speak I'm shrinking to the height of Gerald.

Chapter 3: Same Size as a Baby!!
"Oh great!!!" Another week passed and it was torture!! I first realized I was shrinking on April 4, now it was April 26 and now I was 2'4. I realized I was in trouble. So what happened between this week, I called my mother and she said something that I'd never guess she would have said (sarcasm can fool anyone). She mentioned that she always disliked my wife, and mentioned that I should have never married her. She also mentioned that my father had an even larger dislike and he would probably put up an even larger fuss, if he was still here that was.

My wife Maria said, "Hunny, you know Kate's birthday is coming up in a week and she told me she wants a cell phone." I immediately thought about the high expenses. I wanted to say no, but then Kate walked in. She talked about on how badly she wanted the cell phone, my sweet humane daughter (she also mentioned she would step on me, if I didn't). So I said, "All right Kate, I'm going to get you your cell phone." Kate said, "Thank you Daddy, I love you. There is another thing I want you to do for me." I said, "What is it, my little honey bun!!" Kate said, "I want you to come to school with me today."

Kate's friends are pretty wild, so I got terrified. Just pretending my voice was a little squeak, she took me to her school. She held me like a baby.

I knew that I would be much smaller than I was now, so every moment of my life I got the chills. I guess my parents were right. I made a wrong decision. Every second, I felt like I could of found someone better. Seeing my parents both thinking about the bad side and both with their sarcastic ways, they were made for each other. I saw Kate's friend, Taia. Kate then said, "Hey Taia, this is my father, he is really small."

Taia said, "He's so cute. Can I bring him home??" Me go home with Taia?? I jumped out of Kate's arm, and ran out.

All of a sudden, the principal stopped me. He was a man named Mr. Cauliflower. Mr. Cauliflower said, "Who's baby is this??" Kate said, "Oh this is my little brother, I brought him in for show and tell!!" I knew I had to scream. Kate wasn't treating me like her father anymore. Rick actually has been treating me like a regular person still. Gerald, well Gerald will think of me as food. I was lucky I didn't have any pets, but the way Kate is acting towards me. I think we will get one soon.

I saw Rick, my son. He was just walking with his friends talking. I wondered if I should go and trust Rick, despite the fact Rick is good-hearted. His friend Joey, well isn't.

I decide to head towards Rick.

I just said, "HEY RICK OVER HERE!!!"