by Shannon Sargent
"That was Pat Benatar with 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot' and that's all she wrote for me. I'm outta here! This is Crash Kerloff saying 'Keep It Cool Baby and keep it tuned to The Babe, W-B-A-B! Next up on the Babe is our one and only Jack Flash coming to you live from the wet t-shirt contest at Ft. Lauderdale's hippest happenin spot, Main Beach. How's it hangin' Jack?"
"Whoa Baby! Thanks Crash, a little bit to the left but I feel a change coming on! De-fi-nit-ely! This is rockin' Jack Flash and my sidekick Boy Wonder coming to you live from Main Beach directly in front of Tah-Tah's Bar and Grill where were covering Tah-Tah's fourth annual Best Bust of the Beach Wet T-shirt contest. There's quite a crowd of horny guys here at the beach, how many would you say there are Boy Wonder?"
"Well Jack, there's somewhere in the neighborhood of ten-thousand which is rather interesting because I believe that that would qualify in the Guiness Book of Records for the most highly attended public wet t-shirt contest held east of the Mississippi. The previous record being...."
"Uh thanks for that interesting bit of trivia Boy Wonder.... NOT! But now it's time for the contest to begin! We have eight finalists, each of them a regional contest winner. Have you ever seen tah-tahs like these before Wonder?"
"Well, mathematically, the average bust line of this year's contestants is 12.4% larger than last year's record breaking average so, no, I can't honestly say I have ever seen tah-tahs like these before. Incidentally, Janet Smith of Daytona, contestant #4 has the largest bustline ever recorded for this contest with a whopping 50" bust which..."
"Whoa Baby, 50 inches! Like those peaches want to shake your tree! Now those are tah-tahs with a capital T. Ok, it's time to get the show on the road and soak these t-shirts down and this year, yours truly, rockin' Jack Flash, is Tah-Tah's honorary fireman for the day. Boy Wonder and I have our wireless microphones on and we're making our way down to the stage as I speak. When we come back from commercial it'll be time to hose those hooters down! Hope these microphones are waterproof! Stay tuned to The Babe and we'll be right back in a flash!"
"We're back, broadcasting live from Main Beach in front of Tah-Tah's bar and grill for the fourth annual Best Bust of the Beach Wet T-shirt contest. And what a beavy of big breasted beauties we have. Try saying that three times fast Boy Wonder! And what a crowd we have here! Is everybody having a good time? Great! Does everybody want me to start soaking these girls down? Who wants to see wet t-shirts? Well alright, and awaaaaaay we go! Wonder Boy, do me the honors of handing me the water bottle."
"Well actually Jack, this is a special formula specifically designed to enhance the transparency of the custom t-shirts the girls are wearing. It's a hyper hydrogenated chloro-flouro ..."
"Ok, Ok, enough already! Spare us the chemistry lesson, Einstein! Who cares what this stuff is as long as we get to see some nice tah-tahs. Am I right or am I right? Ok then, here we go! Geez, I'm looking at eight of the greatest pairs of tah-tahs I've ever seen and I've got the difficult and challenging job of having to soak them down. It's a tough job but somebody's got to do it! Ok, I'm spraying the girls down and as you can hear behind me, the crowd is going wild. Boy Wonder was right about this stuff, the t-shirts are becoming so transparent it's like they were made of glass! I wonder what this stuff would do to their bikini bottoms? I've got a little left maybe I should check it out! These girls are amazing! They're strutting their stuff and the crowd is loving it. Every one of them is a knock-out babe! I sure would hate to be the judge of this contest. Whoa, hold the phone, the stuff in this bottle must be causing the t-shirts to shrink because their getting visibly tighter!"
"Actually Jack, the t-shirts are getting tighter because the girls are getting bigger."
"What? Oh my gosh, Boy Wonder is right. The girls are getting bigger or at least their tah-tahs are. Their clothes however seem to be staying the same size. The girls don't seem to have noticed yet or if they have, they don't seem to care. Some of the t-shirts look like they're about to burst. If you're at home, imagine this picture if you will, before me, close enough to touch, are the biggest sets of tah-tahs in the state of Florida, covered by nearly transparent t-shirts, all stretched as tight as drums trying to hold those mammoth mammaries in. And get this, those tah-tahs seem to be growing bigger by the second. The tension is mounting. These shirts look like they're going to rip, but whose t-shirt will be the first to go? Any bets?"
"I haven't quite worked the triple contour surface integral out in my head but my guess is that Janet Smith's t-shirt will be the first to go in approximately 8.2 seconds plus or minus a tenth of...."
"Alright, there you have it. Let me have a countdown guys, .. 8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Thar she blows! Lift off, we have lift off! Shreds of Janet's former t-shirt are raining down on the stage like confetti. Ladies and gentlemen, Janet Smith's hooters have just literally exploded out of her t-shirt. And what a lovely pair they are. I'm heading over to see if I can get a better feel of what's going on."
"Be careful Jack, something strange is going on here!"
"I'm standing next to Janet Smith whose record 50 inch bust has just burst its way out of her t-shirt. Nice nips there Janet! Something is definitely unusual, here. Before when I sprayed them down they were level with my chest and now they're hanging right at eye level. Whoa baby, it's not just her breasts that have grown, it's her whole body! And she's still getting bigger! This could get mighty interesting! Ever think about a career in basketball Janet?" "Look out Jack, I calculate a 95% probability that her bikini bottom will catastrophically fail structural integrity in the next 10 seconds!"
"What? Oh, you mean she's about to burst her bottoms! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I believe Wonder Boy is correct. Her bottoms are extremely tight, the threads are being pulled as tight as guitar strings. I can see the seams starting to pull apart and bingo! We have second stage separation! Janet's bottoms just flew off her body landing in the waiting arms of some lucky guy in the crowd."
"Look out Jack, the rest of the girls are blowing their tops too!"
"Whoa Baby! It sounds like I'm at a velcro convention. Shirts and bottoms are exploding off of these girls! Shreds of clothing are raining down all over the stage! Oh, the humanity! These girls are totally...Hey! Ooooof ! Give that back! One of the girls just punched me in the stomach and grabbed the bottle I used to soak them down with. She's pulling the top off and now she's drinking the bottle down. The crowd is chanting Chug, Chug, Chug and the rest of the girls are watching her to see what will happen to her. The girls are still continuing to grow with Janet Smith leading the pack. She looks like she's about ten feet tall. Boy Wonder, who was the girl who drank the bottle?"
"Well Jack, that was Mandy Roberts. She's the finalist from Tah-Tahs Dade County contest and has .. er.. had measurements of 41 26 32 but as you can see, she is much bigger now."
"Whoa baby! You aint whistling dixie! Look at that baby grow! Ladies and gentlemen I can't believe my eyes. On the stage are seven naked ten foot tall babes with the biggest tah-tahs I've ever seen and standing in the middle of them is Mandy Roberts who is growing at an incredible rate. Pinch me Wonder Boy, I must be dreaming! Mandy is already taller than the Sands hotel and she isn't showing any signs of slowing down. The crowd is going wild and Mandy is looking down at them with her hands on her hips and laughing back at them. She seems completely at ease with her new size and with being completely butt naked. My goodness is she big. Boy Wonder you got an estimate of her size?"
"Well Jack, using the size of the Sands hotel as a reference and the trigonometric relationship between the complimentary angles I would estimate her to be approximately 170 feet tall and increasing at a rate of about 10 feet per second. The other girls are more widely distributed with Janet Smith the biggest at around 50 feet and Sherri Tompkins the smallest if you call 36 feet tall small."
"All eyes are on Mandy and not just because she's a total babe and naked to boot. Even the other girls in the contest are watching her and each of them is an eyefull in her own right. Mandy's growth seems to be slowing down although I'm not 100% sure." "Yes Jack, she has stopped as have the other girls. Mandy is approximately 300 feet tall and the other girls range in size from 100 feet tall to 60 feet tall. Interestingly enough, except for Mandy, their final size seems to have been linearly proportional to their inital bust sizes. This brings to mind..."
"TURN UP THE MUSIC, I WANT TO DANCE!"
"Excuse me while I interrupt geometry class Boy Wonder, but Mandy has just demanded the music to be turned up so that she can dance, and the DJ has done just that. It is incredibly loud here now. Mandy's enormous feet are pounding up and down on the beach next to the parking lot causing an impromptu slam dance with people and cars being bounced several feet into the air. It's getting very difficult just trying to stand up."
"I WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU, JACK FLASH!"
"Whoa! Mandy just reached down and plucked me out of the crowd! She's lifting me up so quickly, my ears are popping. She's holding me in her open palm which is swaying dangerously way above the crowd. Check, check, check, Boy Wonder am I still on the air?"
"Yes, Jack. You are at a height of two hundred feet and now have a nearly unobscured line of sight tranmission to the repeater. The reception is actually better than..."
"DANCE, LITTLE MAN, OR I MIGHT JUST LET YOU GO AND PICK UP ANOTHER! YOU OTHER GIRLS, I WANT TO SEE YOU DANCE WITH SOME LITTLE MEN TOO!"
"I am now dancing in Mandy's hand and below I can see the other giantesses scooping up men from the crowd to dance with. I must tell you that even though I am scared to death, Mandy's tah-tahs are incredible. They're tremendously large and each one is bouncing up and down in time with her dancing. The other giantesses look like children next to her, except for their extremely well developed bodies, and below them is the even smaller crowd. No one in the crowd has left and all eyes are upon these incredibly sexy women. Uh-oh it looks like someone must have called the cops. A police car with its siren flashing is making its way through the crowd towards the stage. Two cops are getting out of the car and they're using a megaphone to talk to the guy running the sound board. The music just stopped mid beat.."
"HEY, TURN THAT BACK ON! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE DANCING!"
"Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I'm Sargeant Mooney with the Fort Lauderdale police department and I've been instructed to inform you that Fort Lauderdale has an ordinace prohibiting nudity in public particularly in venues where alcohol is being served. You women are going to have to put your clothes back on or we're going to have to shut down this gathering and arrest all of you for public indecency."
"BUT OFFICER, WE DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ANY MORE, THEY ALL GOT RIPPED AND BESIDES, THEY DON'T FIT US! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, WE'RE ALL A LITTLE BIT BIGGER THAN WE USED TO BE! ANYWAYS, NO ONE HERE IS COMPLAINING, YOU GUYS DON'T MIND US BEING NAKED DO YOU? (crowd roars approval) SEE! WHY DON'T YOU LITTLE POLICEMEN JUST GO AWAY AND BOTHER SOME REAL CRIMINALS LIKE BANK ROBBERS OR SOMETHING?"
"I'm sorry ladies, but my hands are tied. I don't have any choice but to shut this gathering down. Alright everybody, this is an unlawful assembly. I want everyone to start dispersing in an orderly manner. Show's over. Everybody head on home! You girls line up other there by the hotel, we'll deal with you once the crowd has disbursed. Let's move it folks, shows over, nothing to see anymore!"
" NO! EVERYBODY STAY WHERE THEY ARE. THIS SHOW AIN'T OVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER. AND AS FOR YOU, OFFICER, YOU WANT UNLAWFUL, I'LL SHOW YOU UNLAWFUL!"
"Whoa baby, Mandy is moving towards the police car and the crowd is scattering like roaches out of the way of her enormous feet. She's reached the police car and now she's placed her foot over the car. Boy Wonder, what is she doing to the car? All I can see is her foot, the car has completely disappeared beneath it."
"WHAT DO YOU THINK GUYS? SHOULD I DO IT?"
"The crowd is yelling 'Crush Crush Crush' and Mandy has a mischievous grin on her face... I think she's going to do it. The cops don't seem to know what to do. Boy Wonder, can you see the car?"
"Yes Jack, I can see it. Mandy's foot is completely covering the car and she's holding it just above the roof. So far the car is undamaged, but I project a 95% probability that the car will receive major structural damage during the next few minutes."
"I'm warning you Miss. Don't crush that car! Step away from the car or we'll be forced to.. uh, forced to ..."
"FORCED TO DO WHAT? WHAT COULD A PUNY LITTLE MAN LIKE YOU POSSIBLY DO TO A BIG WOMAN LIKE ME!"
"Stop or we'll be forced to uh... to uh.... to shoot you!"
"YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT ME? NOW YOU'RE REALLY BEGINNING TO PISS ME OFF. FIRST YOU SHUT THE MUSIC OFF, THEN YOU START ORDERING US AROUND, AND THEN TO TOP IT OFF YOU THREATEN ME WITH YOUR GUNS. WELL, I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOUR PUNY LITTLE TOYS, YOU GO AHEAD AND TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT. BUT I'M WARNING YOU, IT BETTER BE A GOOD ONE 'CAUSE AFTERWARDS I'M GOING TO TAKE MINE!"
"Jack, the policemen have pulled their guns out of their holsters and they're aiming somewhere up at Mandy's torso. Her foot is descending towards the street. The siren on top of the car just burst sending out shards of plastic and now I can see the tires beginning to bulge. Whoops, there they go! All four tires just burst from the tremendous pressure applied by her foot. I can hear metal squealing and now all the windows just shattered spraying fragments out in all directions. Jack! Jack! Look out! The policemen are firing their guns at her! I detect no effect except it looks like Mandy is getting even more angry. She just crushed the car! She just crushed the car! She was going slowly before but I think she got fed up with the policemen and she just finished the car off. She's twisting her foot back and forth and I can no longer see any of the car. It has been completely flattened by her foot. She squashed it like it was an empty aluminum can. The policemen ! have reloaded their pistols and they're firing again. Jack, Jack are you ok?"
"I'm ok Boy Wonder! I can hear the bullets whizzing by. I don't think they're causing Mandy any pain but she looks like she is really getting pissed off. I sure wouldn't want to be in those cop's shoes right now. The gunshots have stopped and I'm going to peak around her hand and see what's going on below."
"ARE YOU BOYS FINISHED? GOOD, 'CAUSE NOW IT'S MY TURN. I DON'T HAVE A GUN TO SHOOT WITH SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO IMPROVISE A LITTLE. YOU BOYS REALLY PISSED ME OFF SO I THINK IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT I PISS YOU OFF OR PERHAPS SHOULD I SAY PISS ON YOU! WHAT DO YOU THINK GUYS, SHOULD I PEE ON THE COPS AND TEACH THEM A LESSON?"
"The crowd is really excited and their chanting 'Piss Piss Piss'. I think she's going to do it. The crowd wants her to do it. They've cleared out away from the two policemen leaving them standing very alone in the parking lot. Mandy is placing me onto her nipple and is now standing over them; now she's squatting down with her legs spread wide. The cops have started running and Mandy is laughing."
"YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!"
"She's reaching down between her legs and pulling her lips apart. Whoa baby! I cannot believe how large her box is! She's pissing now and I can actually hear the roar of her stream. It's a gusher! The stream is hitting the pavement behind the policemen and now it's rapidly gaining on them. Ooooh, it just hit them and knocked them to the ground. The stream has them pinned down and there must be gallons of the stuff pounding into them."
"OK BOYS, GET READY FOR THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE!"
"Now she's pissing behind them building up a big wave of her golden pee. Ooooh, Cowabunga, surfs up, Dudes! The wave just hit the policmen, picked them up and is now sweeping them towards the ocean.. That's one way to clear the streets!"
"YOU TELL YOUR COP FRIENDS THAT THERE'S PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM, RIGHT GALS? OK, NOW LETS CRANK UP THOSE TUNES! I WANT EVERYONE TO DANCE OR WE MIGHT JUST GET PISSED OFF AGAIN AND YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST GUYS THAT PISSED US OFF!"
"The music is starting again and everybody is dancing. Hell, even the buildings are dancing. The pounding of the girls feet are causing the buildings to rock in time with the beat. No MTV beach party was ever like this! Eat your heart out Downtown Julie Brown! All of the giantesses have grabbed men and are dancing with them. Janet Smith somehow tied two men to her nipples and is doing a tassle dance with them. Round and round they go, where they stop Oh! there goes one of them now! Whoa baby, he just flew off and he's hurtling through the air. Whoa, nice catch, Janet! Lucky for him she caught him or he might have gotten really hurt. These girls can sure play rough. Boy Wonder, are you still there?"
"Yes Jack I'm still here, although I don't know for how much longer. Tina Anderson, the Tah-Tahs finalist from Miami is dancing with me on one of her nipples and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Her gyrations are causing extreme centrifugal forces."
"WOULD ANYONE LIKE SOME BEER?"
"Mandy has just picked up a Bud lite beer truck and is holding it in her hand. To her it must be almost exactly the same size as a beer can. She's ripped the top of the tank off and she's pouring beer out of the truck onto the crowd. Ok Fort Lauderdale, this Bud's for you! Or maybe this Bud's on you might be more like it. People are crowding around her trying to get a taste of the beer. Each time she pours a little out, a small group of people below gets drenched in beer. What must seem like a few drops to her are gallons to the crowd below."
"ANYONE WANT A GOLDEN BEER SHOWER?"
"Mandy is now groovin to the beat, swaying back and forth above the crowd. She's pouring the beer between her colossal breasts and rivers of beer are running down her stomach, across her belly-button, down into the blonde hairs of her bush, and then running off and drenching the eager crowd below. The other giantesses have picked up Budweiser trucks and are all doing the same."
"OOOOH, THOSE BUBBLES ARE TINGLY! I LIKE IT! THIS IS REALLY TURNING ME ON!"
"Mandy is now standing over the crowd and is playing with herself with one hand while she plays with the nipple of her other breast with the other."
"SQUEEZE MY NIPPLE, JACK. I WANT TO FEEL YOU!"
"I'm squeezing her nipple with my legs as hard as I can but I can't tell whether it's having any effect or not. If being naked and pissing in public wasn't legal, what Mandy's doing now is way out of bounds. She is unabashedly playing with herself in front of nearly ten thousand people. And let me tell you, this crowd is eating it up! They love it!"
"WOULD SOME OF YOU LITTLE BOYS LIKE TO HELP ME OUT?"
"Mandy is now sitting on the sand with her legs spread out before her. The crowd is rushing into the space between her legs funneling in towards her super-sized snatch. Mandy is holding her lips open inviting them to play with her, um, her uh, attributes. Let me tell you, there is no shortage of volunteers. Boy Wonder what's going on with you?"
"Actually Jack the correct proposition there should be 'in' not 'on'. Tina evidently noticed that my size was just right to replace a certain male reproductive organ and is using me in that facility. I believe I have the somewhat dubious honor of being the first person to do a live remote from inside the vagina. Whoops, I gotta go Jack, Tina is pushing me back in. She already has had one orgasm, looks like a man's work is never done."
"Way to go, Boy Wonder. You have boldly gone where no whole man has gone before! Keep up the good work! Whoa that Tina, she's quite the character! Speaking of characters, things are really heating up for Mandy. As you can hear, she's moaning quite loudly right now and I believe she is just moments away from the big O herself. The crowd has completely surrounded her snatch and all I can see is a vast throng of squirming men coated with her love juices. The other giantesses seem to have taken the cue from Mandy and Tina and are also occupying themselves with men and with each other. It's a major gash-bash and I'm smack dab in the middle of it!"
"OH YES! YES!, KEEP IT UP! RIGHT THERE! OH BABY, OH BABY, OH GOD OOOHHHH AAAAHHHHH, OH YES, OH YES, YESSSSSS! MMMHHHHMMMM. AAAAHHHHH. THAT WAS FANTASTIC! YOU GUYS WERE GREAT! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? RIGHT NOW I NEED TO FEEL SOMETHING INSIDE MY PUSSY AND I'M REALLY SORRY BUT YOU BOYS JUST AREN'T BIG ENOUGH! DON'T FEEL BAD THOUGH, YOU GUYS WERE REALLY GOOD, BUT I NEED SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT BIGGER INSIDE ME LIKE, LIKE MAYBE A ROCKET. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I NEED! AND I KNOW JUST WHERE TO GET ONE! C'MON GIRLS, LET'S HEAD OVER TO CAPE CANAVERAL. WERE GOING TO ROCK AND ROLL WITH SOME ROCKETS AND PARTY DOWN WITH SOME ASTRONAUTS!"
"Mandy has put me back on the ground. She and the other girls are dusting themselves off and now they're headed off in what must be the general direction of the Cape. I don't know if anyone at NASA is listening to this but if they're not, I think there's a few astronauts who might be in for a BIG surprise. It's quite the madhouse around here and I don't know how long it's going to take to get our van going, but Boy Wonder and I are committed to following this story to its conclusion and we'll be checking in with remote broadcasts and updates throughout the day. This is Jack Flash and Wonder Boy saying, 'Keep it tuned to the Babe, WBAB! To the Cape, Wonder Boy and no stopping for doughnuts!"