The Legend of Mile High Mike
by Number 10

'You mean to say you've never heard of Mile High Mike?' the old prospector was saying. He shook his head sadly. 'I'm guessin' your not from these parts.'

'No, we're not.' In fact my girlfriend Mary and I were from the East Coast and were visiting Colorado for the first time. We had taken two weeks to explore this remote part of the state, on the advice of friends. After two days hiking, we had lost our way and doubled back. By dark we had happened on the old man, sitting by his campfire. We decided to join him for the night, and now that dinner was over, it was time for some tall tales. Or so we thought.

'Well,' he began, 'You've heard of Paul Bunyan and Pecos Bill? Well, the legend of Mile High Mike is just as well known around here. But there's a difference between those other two and Mike. First of all, Mike was a lady. Real pretty too - long, light brown hair and friendly green eyes.

'Second of all, she was real. As real as Mary here.'

Something in the prospector's eyes told us he wasn't kidding. I looked at Mary; she was puzzled, but she leaned forward to hear more. So did I.

He poked the fire with a long stick, causing sparks to leap into the night sky. Crickets chirped and other night creatures could be heard in the distance. A pale gibbous moon hung overhead.

'Mike was born a long time ago, back in the days of my great granddad. Colorado wasn't even a state yet, and the place was kind of wild. Mike's ma and pa farmed a place east of here. When folks heard that a baby girl was born, they all came around to see her. But when they got there, they got a surprise.

It was the biggest newborn young 'un folks had ever seen. Twenty-two pounds she was, and twenty-eight inches long. No one could believe it. Cute little thing though. Her given name was Mikayla, but most of the early settlers couldn't pronounce that. So everyone called her Mike.

Well, that little girl just grew and grew. She went to school like other kids. But she was always the tallest. At age fourteen she was 12 feet tall and couldn't fit through the schoolhouse door. She had to stay home after that. She helped her pa and ma around the farm, and her daddy built her a place to sleep. Life settled down a bit.

By the time she turned sixteen, she had jumped to 90 feet. By eighteen she was 350 feet. The older she got, the faster she grew. By the time she reached the age of twenty-six, she topped out at 700 feet. Why? Some folks claimed she found a strange water hole and drank from it every day. Others say it was somethin' in the air.

'Anyway, it's a mystery. Mike got too big to help at the farm, so she said her good-byes and headed out here to start a new life. The world was all hers.'

Mary looked at me, and then the old man.

'But how,' she said, 'how can a 700 foot woman exist? What does she wear, eat, where does she sleep? How can she even move without squishing everything in her path? And what about...what about boyfriends?'

Our companion wasn't put out. 'Well, I can answer that last one. There were no boyfriends. Not in the normal sense. She was too big - a hunnerd times bigger that the biggest man around.

Mike found other things to occupy her, in any case. She was always willing to help folks out. She could lift, pull, or push anything. The word got around: 'You can count on Mike'.

But Mike liked to have fun, too. One time, she was stayin' near a mining camp and saw a feller riding a bicycle. It was one of them old fashioned kinds, with the big wheel in front and little 'un behind. It took skill and practice to ride them things, believe me. She saw him and put her big foot down right in front of 'im, blocking his path.

'What's that thing?' she asked. He told her. She wanted to see it, so he got off and she picked it up with her fingertips. Well, she spins the big wheel with her finger, watching it going round, and a big grin comes over her face. 'I like this', she says, 'it spins!'

Soon, more and more bicycles turned up, and the fellers started having races. Mile High Mike was there for every one. She'd get so pumped up and excited, she'd jump up and down. The jumping made the earth shake and the riders fall over, so she had to restrain herself. But man, did she love those races. 'Spinning races' she called 'em.

Some of the men wanted to make her something, just for all of her good deeds and friendship and such. So they made her a bike. Just like theirs, but much bigger. The front wheel was the size of a Ferris wheel. She couldn't ride it of course, but she always treasured it, and kept it tied to her belt for good luck.'

The prospector sipped some coffee from a battered tin cup, and went on.

'Then there was that famous 4th of July celebration at Silver City. Just about the whole town turned out to see Mike. They built a special platform high in the air, with steps leading to it. Mike held her two hands under the platform, like this.' He held his hands out, palms up and together, slightly cupped. 'You might not believe it, but over 4,000 townsfolk stood in Mike's hands that day.'

'Wow, ' I said.

'And that's not all. Mike was feelin' a little playful that day. She thought she'd give all those folks a smooch. So she puckers up, and lowers her head down to the crowd. You can imagine the stir that caused. Some folks screamed, others curled into balls. But most folks lay right down and waited. My great-granddad was one of those. He just lay there, face up, with the other brave souls while those huge lips came down and down. Finally, they pressed down and the folks of Silver City got the biggest kiss of their lives.

'Great-granddad never forgot that day.'

I glanced over at Mary. She was pursing her lips and looking at her palms. I smiled.

I turned back to the prospector. 'What a story! It's almost like you were there.'

Mary looked up too. 'Yeah, I liked that one. You must have a lot more to tell.'

'Oh, yes, I could go on for days. Mile High Mike had lots of adventures. But you're probably wonderin' what became of her.' He paused, and we both nodded. 'Well, that brings me to the noblest deed Mike ever performed. It was during the winter of '96, when the snowfall was breakin' records. A team of men up in the Rockies was laying tracks for the railroad. They were working close to one of the biggest mountains, when some dynamite started an avalanche. Fourteen men were buried in the snow and ice.

Mike was a few miles away when she heard the awful noise. Her long legs made it there in good time, and when she saw some folk trying to free the men, she said 'Step back - I'll handle this.' She got on her knees and dug those men out. Man, they were cold, and barely alive. Then Mike had an idea. She was goin' to thaw those guys out.

She lay down on her side and lifted one leg. She told the other men to lay the frozen ones on the inside of her bare thigh. When they were all in place she lowered the other leg, completely covering all those men. Mike's body heat worked wonders, they say.

'Fourteen men, brought back to life between the thighs of a 700 foot angel. Fourteen grateful men, and not one of their women complained.'

'But...but...what happened to Mike?' Mary asked.

'Oh, that's the strange part. The next spring, Mike started telling folks she was tired, that she needed a long rest. Guess she got tuckered out doin' all them good deeds. Said she was goin' away. 'Don't look for me - I'll be back before long.' Then she headed off to the real wilderness. No one knows 'sactly where.

'That's the last anyone saw of Mike.'

The fire was dying now, and it was time for bed. We reluctantly said goodnight, went into our tent and drifted to sleep. My dreams were filled with visions of the sleeping giantess.

In the morning, the old man was gone.

All the next day as we hiked, Mary and I talked about the prospector's stories. At first we joked about them. Phrases would come up: 'Spinning races,' 'The whole town in her hands,' 'Fourteen guys between her thighs,' and we'd laugh. We were certain they were tales spun from a strange and vivid imagination. It was fun and it passed the time.

After lunch we did an hour of hard walking through some gorgeous countryside. It was sunny and very hot and hazy. We finally came to an outcropping of rock that had a spectacular view of the mountains. Our friends back home had been right - the place was incredible.

We sat there, resting and taking in the view. Then something caught my eye. It was a large circular object about a mile away on the plateau beneath us. Trees had grown up around and through it, but I thought it resembled a large wheel.

'Mary, take a look over there.' I pointed. 'What do you think that is?'

She looked. 'It's a wheel of some kind.'

'That's what I thought. Could it be from a bike?'

Mary shook her head. 'Uh uh. Too big. Way too big. Unless...'

I grinned. I knew we were thinking the same thing: Mike's good luck charm.

'Let's go down there,' I said. 'It won't take long. C'mon.'

But Mary didn't budge. 'No. It doesn't feel right - we shouldn't intrude. I don't want to know anyway, do you?'

I didn't say anything. I had known Mary long enough to trust her intuition. That was that, I thought. I did, however, make a mental note of our location. You never know.

We hiked until dark, then set up camp and made dinner. We always chatted before bed. It was a relaxed time for us, this time of night. Everything felt right. An old John Denver tune played in my head.

Mary had looked thoughtful for some time. Finally, she came out with it.

'The prospector said Mike had no boyfriends. I don't know why, but it makes me sad.' I shrugged, and Mary went on. 'Well, if I was a 700 foot goddess, I'd have lots of boyfriends. Or maybe just one.' She looked at me steadily. 'Would you still love me if I was 700 feet?'

'Um, sure,' I replied.

She made a face. 'Oh yeah, you say that. But how would we do things? Like how would we...um, you know.'

'No I don't. Tell me.' Actually I did. I just wanted her to say it.

'Oh, you know...how would we...have sex?'

I looked at her seriously. 'Well, you are very sensitive...down there.'

Mary nodded. 'That's true. But...would I even feel you? You'd be so small.'

'Believe me, I'd make sure you felt me.' I smiled at her and she smiled back. Then she grew serious again.

'Okay,' she said. 'One more question. What about my face. Wouldn't my face look huge and scary to you?'

I looked at Mary's fine features, her sparkling eyes, full lips, and the reddish brown hair that caressed her face. 'Mary,' I said, 'if you were 700 feet and I was this small.' I held my finger and thumb slightly apart. 'Your face would be even more beautiful.'

I must have said the right thing because Mary stood up, took my hand, and gently pulled me into our tent.

I came willingly, but I had one more thing to do. Before I zipped the screen door shut for the night, I stuck my head out and looked up at the stars, shining bright and clear through the pine trees. I silently thanked them for throwing in our path the old prospector - and his wonderful tales of Mile High Mike.