LADY LISA AT THE BEACH
OR OH! I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE…
By The Mole

"Do stop fidgeting, Moley!" Lisa groaned quietly as she lay on her beach-towel. "I'm trying to sleep."

"But I've nearly finished." I assured her. "And this is going to be the greatest!"

"Phooey! You should be ashamed," Lisa shook her head. "Building sandcastles at your age."

Lady Lisa was staying in London for a few days and had accepted my offer of a day on the beach at Brighton. She'd spent most of the day soaking up the sun, making the most of the English Summer - all 24 hours of it! Me? I can't sit still for more than five minutes before terminal boredom sets in.

I'd tried reading. There was a copy of 'The Complete Works Of Charles Dickens' in my bag. Well that what the sleeve said… Unknown to Lisa it actually contained 'Biggles Learns To Fly.'

But Biggles was hard going after a while, so I'd decided to build a sandcastle. No… a sandfortress! A mighty bastion of British engineering! "But I like building sandcastles…I'm good at it…"

"Pah!" Lisa turned her head toward me and sniggered. "Call that a sandcastle. I could show you a real sandcastle if I weren't so tired."

"Not like this one you couldn't …" I said, standing back and looking at my work with pride.

Indeed I had constructed - if I say so myself - a first class piece of sand engineering. After several hours effort I'd constructed a three tier structure, with high walls and some twenty towers (Formed in the traditional way - with a tower-shaped bucket & spade). I'd even dug a deep channel to the sea in order to fill a moat around the outside. A plastic toy boat I'd found floated in the moat, and I was finishing my work by writing my name on the side with seashells.

My brother and I used to build some impressive sandcastles together when we were kids. That was a long time ago, but I haven't lost the knack…

"I could," Lisa insisted with a smile.

"Come on then," I urged her. "Build one. Whoever builds the best sandcastle wins. Winner chooses where we have dinner. Loser pays."

"Oh, I can't be bothered with all that," Lisa moaned softly. "Just try to keep the noise down. Why don't you go back to reading Biggles?" How did she know?

"Hah!" I hopped up and down triumphantly. "You're scared. You know you'd lose!"

"Aarrghhh!" groaned Lisa, as she got up and turned toward me. "I'm not going to get any peace am I?"

Phew! If you've never seen Lisa in a bikini you don't know what you've missed! When she's feeling a little playful, she likes to squeeze her 38Ds into a 36C top. The effect is… er… outstanding… I struggled to keep my eyes up above her chest as she continued her outburst, but it was well worth the effort. To risk a cliché, she's lovely when she's angry…

"That's it! I've had enough!" Lisa snapped. "I'll build your silly sandcastle if it'll just keep you quiet… And besides, I liked the look of that Italian restaurant in the high street. I'm in the mood for pasta, and if I leave it down to you it'll be fish 'n' chips in newspaper."

"Well…" I was a bit hurt by that. I thought Lisa liked fish 'n' chips. "It's a bit late now. You'll never build one like mine before it gets dark…"

"Oh, no?" Lisa flashed me that wicked mischevious smile of hers. "You might want to stand back…" And she reached behind her back to unclasp her top. "… and turn around."

"Lisa!" I objected as she began to grow. "That's not fair."

Lisa gave me that look. The one that says she's not in the mood to argue. Besides, by that point she was some seven feet tall, and I make it a point not to argue with people a foot taller than me. It saves a lot of unpleasantness (Mostly from happening to me!). I turned around… and then I started to run. When Lisa starts growing she needs room. Lots of room.

Some hundred yards or so further down the beach I collapsed face-first into the sand. I'm not out-of-shape, you understand. I just have too much shape. Either way that's as far as I got before exhaustion set in, and oxygen tanks not being available it took me several moments to get my breath back and get up.

I turned round to see Lisa's giant form wading out into the warm sea until at least her bottom half was covered by water. She was making her way toward several small yachts a short way further up the coast.

Her wading pushed a huge swell of water before her that rocked the tiny boats dangerously. One or two of the yachtsmen saw her coming but could do little except jump overboard in panic.

Lisa reached the first boat in moments. Standing waist-deep in seawater and facing away from the beach, she gripped the sides of the hull in the fingers of her left hand, and, as gently as possible, used the right to rip out its mast. Within seconds she had stripped each and every boat and then proceeded to tear the sails from the collected masts.

I continued to watch as Lisa discarded the useless masts and attempted to tie several of the sails together. "Dammit! Kristen always made this sound so easy!" Lisa grumbled, but in time she suceeded in tying the crudely-formed bra around her generous bust.

The white sailcloth was stretched to its very limits - especially where Lisa's man-sized nipples almost tore into it - and large areas of Lisa's vast breasts remained on view, but the greater part of her dignity was spared from the gawping holidaymakers that now lined up on the beach.

Lisa began looking around for something to maintain her modesty below the waist when her eyes fell upon the beer tent erected on the beach for the weekend (And yes, to the horror of our American readers it was full of that horrible warm brown muck called bitter that we love so much!).

Reaching out swiftly, Lisa ripped the huge tent out of the ground. Dozens of people, mostly guys, filled the space formerly covered by the huge canvas. Stunned they looked up into the sky to see Lisa's giant form pull back into the sea as she tried to tie to the dirty white sheet around her waist.

When she was satisfied with the results, Lisa flashed me one of her beautiful smiles and blew me a kiss. I was the only guy on that part of the beach and I swelled with pride as every guy in sight turned green with jealousy when they saw the kiss was for me.

"Watch this, Moley!" Lisa called as she walked back on to the beach and bent down to scoop up handfuls of sand that would make any JCB driver jealous. Dropping these huge skiploads of sand down, she quickly began to gouge up huge areas of the beach and push them together to form mighty walls that put all the nearby buildings to shame.

In just a manner of minutes Lisa had created her own sandcastle… but this one was full sized. It had walls thirty feet high and just as thick. The towers must have stood closer to sixty feet and there was a real moat around it filled by seawater from a new channel she'd just dug.

But towering over the mighty structure was the incomparable Lisa herself. She was looking down at her creation with a quizzical expression. "Its missing something," she said to herself quietly. Then she suddenly turned and made off with strides that could cover whole streets.

I couldn't resist taking a closer look at Lisa's work. Walking up to one of the walls I gave it a gentle knock. It didn't feel like it was made of sand so much as granite. Lisa's enormous strength had compacted it together so tightly that I couldn't budge it, even with a toughened plastic spade I'd found abandoned on the seafront.

In a childish fit of pique, I was determined to put at least one small dent in it before Lisa returned; something to point out as a flaw with her otherwise perfect creation. After almost a minute I succeeded… in breaking my spade, that is, snapping it in two.

"Moley, what do you think you're doing?" came Lisa's voice as a huge shadow fell over me. I turned and looked sheepishly up to see Lisa towering over me. I hid the broken spade behind my back as I tried hard not to look up the ill-fitting canvas-skirt. I barely succeeded… in the most part…

Lisa's giant legs straddled the walls of Brighton beach's latest structure as she held a medium-sized yacht in each hand complete with crew. Without warning she stepped back slightly and bent over to deposit the two boats into the moat of he castle. I totally and utterly failed to stare open-mouthed down the front of her makeshift bra as she did so.

"When you've quite finished catching flies, Moley," Lisa stood up and laughed at the growing er… discomfort she was causing me. "Perhaps you'd better phone and book us a table." Then she looked down at the crews of the boats by her feet and prompted them gently… "Well are you guys gonna get moving or am I going to have to provide you with some extra motivation." OK, so maybe not that gently… but she wouldn't hurt them really… probably.

Anyway, she had them circle the new Brighton Castle as she stood back and admired her handiwork proudly.

I knew when I was beaten, and I phoned the Italian restaurant to honour my debt. As I spoke to a very un-Italian sounding waiter, I looked around and couldn't even see my sandcastle anymore. Lisa had obliterated it whilst making her own, leaving no trace. That saddened me a little… Lisa knew how proud I was of it, yet she'd squashed it without a thought. I know I'm over-sensitive, but I thought she thought more of me than that…

"Why so glum, shorty?" Lisa looked down at my quiet figure with that cute expression she wears when she's curious.

"I was just thinking about what you've done to my sandcastle," I tried to joke solumnly - besides its hard to stay miserable when you're staring into a face that beautiful. "You really have made a mountain out of a molehill…"

"Ha, ha, ha!" Lisa laughed. "Is that what you think I've done?" Moments later she swooped me up in her powerful hand, closing it firmly around me so I couldn't see. She carried me a few steps before placing me gently back on the ground.

I looked around me and was surprised to find that we were inside the giant new structure. I turned around and there at my feet was my sandcastle. Lisa had built hers around mine!

"The tide would have been in in a few hours and would have washed your sandcastle away," Lisa explained. "But with mine surrounding it, it'll stand forever and the sea will never get it, and we can come back and you can build as many more as you want… so long as you build them quietly!"

I couldn't believe it! I looked up at Lisa with a tear in my eye. There was something deeper than sandcastle building here. It was Lisa's way of re-assuring me and telling me that she'd always look after me and protect me… most probably from myself.